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do not take the covid vaccine

2020.10.13 02:48 sexualfishpaste do not take the covid vaccine

Now that everyone is on lockdown, you have all the time in the world to research vaccines. We are heading towards vaccine mandates and where there is risk, there must always be choice. Forced medical interventions using coercion (our freedom) goes against the Constitution, the Nuremberg Code and our basic human rights. Knowledge is power. This post contains a lot of important information everyone should know if you care about yours and your family’s health, medical freedom and true informed consent. Feel free to copy and save this info and you can exercise your own due diligence in looking further into each individual topic. Doctors aren’t taught in school about vaccine ingredients, how to support your immune system naturally, how to identify vaccine injury, adverse reactions or to report them, most haven’t heard of VAERS. They are taught the schedule, when and how to administer them, the antibody response theory in how they ‘work’ and that they’re ‘safe and effective’ and we owe them all the credit for declining diseases. The pro vax argument is quite simple, the “science is settled”, with many vested interests and many contradictions. The other side much more complex with many facets and it personally took me hundreds of hours of reading to retain the information I know, I was PRO vax but started my unbiased research with a completely open mind, although wanting to be right I was completely open to whichever side the truth was on. For years now I’ve extensively looked into BOTH sides to come to my own risk/benefit analysis and ultimately the most important decision for my child’s health which was not taken lightly. My unvaccinated daughter is a picture of health in her organic being that has never been injected with GMOs, neurotoxins and foreign cells, never gets sick, robust immune system, no medical conditions and has always been very developmentally accelerated. At 3 she knows how to write and almost read. No she is not a disease threat to your vaccinated kids. She is healthy. I truly believe with every part of me she would be a different child if she was ‘up to date’. I’ve been passionately speaking out about this for years now (with much backlash and unfriendings lol) in hopes to plant seeds as the future health of generations to come start with our informed choices and knowledge today. Our children today are the sickest we have ever seen (a statistically significant difference to 30 years ago since the amp up of the childhood vaccine schedule) due to chronic illness: allergies, asthma, eczema, autoimmune diseases, developmental delays, seizure disorders, childhood cancer and diabetes, etc. Due to this global crisis I feel that there is a mass awakening happening and people are finally starting to question things 📷 ********* The information below has been copied off someone who chooses to remain anonymous and worked as a nurse for 20 years and a naturopath for 25 years. They have put everything together so well and have touched on all the pertinent topics. ******** Your informed choice re vaccinations & how to decline politely with evidence. In order to decline what is ‘offered’ in regards to the impending covid & all other flu & ‘disease preventative’ vaccines, it is important to be informed or educated about vaccines & vaccinations, so that you can honestly be making an informed decision when you choose not to consent to vaccinations of any kind. Legal disclaimer:- This is not a prescription & I am not making your choice for you. Issue:- The government is pushing through “Mandatory laws,” which they want to roll out in Australia on May 1st . This will make it mandatory for all daycare’s children & parents to have the flu vaccine. After that they will target school children & parents & then will head for all adults. Even if you are a pro-vax family, wouldn't you prefer to have the freedom of choice to choose exactly which vaccines you would like you or your family to have, as if you're travelling overseas & possibly choosing vaccines for diseases that are only current in that country? Or would you rather surrender all your human rights to the government & let the government mandate choosing vaccinations for you? Where would that ‘policing’ for the government stop? Would no vaccination for the flu or other diseases every year, mean you can't renew your passport or driver’s licence? We need freedom to choose around vaccinations. My Focus: To find a way to both share knowledge and appeal for personal & global freedom of choice in regards to any mandatory vaccinations in australia & for any other countries where they try to make this happen. My personal views in regards to vaccinations. I worked as a nurse for 20 years & have now been a naturopath for 25 years. I've supported & treated people with what is happening for their health & respected their choices to vaccinate for diseases & yearly flu shots or not. I've noticed over the years, without any doubt that people who choose to nourish their systems with healthy foods & lifestyles & do not vaccinate, are those that stay most well. Ie. They rarely get sick & if they get a cold for example, it follows a healthy path & is over with, within 5 days. So non vaccinated clients, like vaccinated clients see me to support their healthy lifestyles & to keep an eye on their health proactively; and to empower themselves with personal growth & to deepen their spirituality. However vaccinated clients in comparison, appear to be the more immune challenged individuals. Not only do they have more food allergies, nervous system & immune system problems, organ stress, lowered alertness & generally more health issues, but curiously they also have more companion viruses, bacterias & parasites present. So when it came time for me to look after my own family, it was an easy decision. I made the informed choice to honour the health & bodies of myself & my family, by not putting poisonous particles into our bodies, in the hope that our body’s would ‘get over’ the turbulent shock those vaccinations would create, fast enough to regulate the immune system into a greater awareness of a labelled pathogen. While I understand the well meaning & loosely sensible idea of exposing the body to a little of what could harm it, boosts the immune system’s awareness to it; what scares me, is it is not just the pathogen being injected into the body’s deepest & last line of the immune systems defence. This unnatural way of being exposed to a virus only confuses the body’s homeostasis! The biggest concern I have, is the truth is, the pathogen is not injected in isolation. It is done so with numerous other toxic conjuvents that help it be trapped into the nervous, endocrine & organ systems of a body. So I've instead chosen to boost our immune systems naturally, with great nutrition & holistic healthcare. Because of that informed choice as a family, we have all stayed well. The immune system is: a complex network of cells and proteins inside the body. that defends the body against infection from any microbe (germ) entering from outside the body, ie. viruses, bacteria & parasites. The body has four layers to its immune system that deals naturally with any microbes or pathogens on the outside of the body. First line of defence is : Cilia or hairs in nostrils, the ears, genitals & on the skin that help prevent germs entering the body. Second line of defence is the mucous producing cells we have in every orifice including throat, ears & lungs. Third line of defence: Is the small intestine ( small bowel) walls, which have lymphoid follicle cells & mucosa, ‘Peyer’s patches’ in it’s ileum, which excrete antibodies. Antibodies attack pathogens of any kind entering their territory ie. viruses, bacteria & parasites. Interestingly, a healthy bowel is also full of an array of gut microbes ( mainly bacterias) which play an important role in many areas of a healthy human’s normal development. It has been scientifically discovered that everything from immune system maturation, nervous system function, a healthy heart & digestive system is dependent on these microbes, which work in harmony as a microsystem to create a healthy microflora balance. The body created this balance in the bowel to protect us against any disease. Fourth line of defence:- Bone marrow, lymphatic nodes & spleen - These organs /tissue make most of the white blood cells, which later mature; in the organiser of the immune system, the thymus gland. The thymus gland & parts of the brain help regulate the distribution of these phagocytic cells, to distribute to the lymphatic system & blood. These destroying cells are generally called phagocytes and include many types of white blood cells (such as neutrophils, monocytes, macrophages, mast cells, and dendritic cells). They also include other immune cells called lymphocytes, such as B-cells, T-cells and natural killer cells. These phagocytes & lymphocytes roam through your system launching an attack on any bacteria, viruses, parasites, fungi & even cancer they may find. The immune system keeps its own natural immunisation register. Which is a record of every microbe ( bacteria, fungi, protozoa or virus) that it has ever defeated, so it can recognise and destroy the microbe quickly. if it enters the body again. Abnormalities of the immune system can lead to allergic diseases, immunodeficiencies and autoimmune disorders. Additionally sometimes too much is going on within or around the body that confuses the nervous system & immune system, so the microbes do not get found. Vaccination history & safety We are told that vaccines are tested & safe. We are told that people who do not vaccinate cause harm to people that are vaccinated. But how can this be so for vaccinated people, if the vaccines in them are there to raise someone’s immunity & protect them? On September 7th 2018, Vaccine injury Lawyer Robert Kennedy Jr, who also produced the documentary ‘Vaxxed’, demanded relevant government documentation proving that all federally approved vaccines had been quality tested over the past 32 years. There were none!!! He won that case against the US government, in the United States district court of New York, as he proved that the US department of health & human services & all the vaccine makers had been lying to the public for over 30 years about the effectiveness & safety of vaccines. He pointed out that five of the US healthcare monitoring agencies, the CDC, FDA, IOM NIH & DHHS may also be threatening the existence of state medical boards & exclusive medical guilds like the AMA because of these findings. He pointed out that vaccine makers have been fraudulently exempt from what all other pharmaceutical drug makers have been forced to do concerning biannual recertification for quality & effectiveness - meaning their vaccines had not been tested for over 30 years!!! This case can now be cited by all parents fraudulently mandated by any government’s regulation / requirement that they must vaccinate their children. This case can also be legally cited by all employers being mandated to be vaccinated in order to retain their jobs. This case can now be legally cited by all those who seek compensation for vaccine injury. All government officials who have passed laws legalizing vaccine fraud at the state, or country, have otherwise aided & abetted this vaccine fraud & can now be charged with vaccine fraud, criminal malfeasance & in some cases, war crimes under the Nuremberg Code. Big Pharma & Bill Gates agenda If you are studying vaccine safety, you need to know about Bill Gates’ 'philanthropy’, as his actions against humanity are deeply questionable. Many people now feel Bill is linked with that 1% power & money hungry percentage of billionaires in the population that have historically owned the 6 biggest companies in the world- ie. drug, IT & Oil companies. They have called themselves ‘the Elite, or One world order’.Their power game is they feel they are untouchable. Their passage of power is clear. They want the prestige of world domination. World domination means they will know where everyone is, what they are doing & how they can best control them to make money & profit from their existence. Vaccines, for Bill Gates, are proving to be a form of strategic & disguised philanthropy that are actually feeding his many vaccine & IT related businesses. None of us want to have a trackable ID ( identification) in our body; we are all quite happy to carry our drivers licences & passports with us, thank you very much. Yet Bill Gates has been trialling his nano-technology in humans, hidden in vaccines, as tracers, to record human activity for the impending 5G technology, as part of world domination plans. ID nano sized micro-chips, ie. the size of blood cells in humans, are being hidden in vaccines containing labelled pathogens, eg. polio, along with the other dubious conjuvents. These vaccines are then injected into humans that may be considered by the elite to be of lowered socio-economic status in their lifestyles. ie. Areas like India & Africa. These unsuspecting people, are goaded into being ‘helped with their health’. When they weren’t sick in the first place! They have their own indigeous medicine that they have used for centuries. Why would white men think their ‘trial concoction of medicine’ is any better??? Bill’s greed to ‘save the world his own way’ to boost his notoriety, at first appears messianic, until you learn he combines technology with these already unsafe vaccines & then uses innocent humans as his guinea pigs!!! For those who observe him, his dream appears to be to create for that 1% elite a global vaccination ID enterprise; which would give them dictatorial control over global health policy. Call it what you want, corporate neo-imperialism, making us succumb to authoritarian dictation, abuse, taking away human rights to choose, creating sickness in humans so that the drug companies also owned by that 1% elite can both make money from sick people & track their every action. For example, Bill Gates immorally talked his way into India’s National Advisory Board in the year 2000 & drastically increased the amount of Polio virus vaccines given in India, with those he was funding to be made. The result? A devastating vaccine-strain increase in polio, causing an epidemic that paralyzed 496,000 children between 2000 and 2017. Even WHO had to admit that this epidemic was coming from Gates’ Vaccine Program. By 2018, ¾ of global polio cases were from Gates’ vaccines! Thankfully in 2017, the Indian Government wised up to Bill Gates. minimising the vaccine regime and evicting Bill Gates & his people from the National Advisory Board. Concurrently, Polio paralysis rates dropped. For more than 20 years, WHO (who has been funded by Bill Gates) & Bill Gates have been accused of bullying families of the world into vaccinating & causing vaccine injuries in various countries. ie. The people in remote areas of India, Kenya, Tanzania, Nicaragua, Congo, Philippines, Afghanistan and Mexico are being guinea pigs for their drug companies. Vaccines like HPV, Malaria, Meningococcal, Tetanus & DTP were all trialled there! They have even successfully trialled a sterility vaccine on people who didn't choose to be sterile! These vaccine trials have been causing paralysis, seizures, infertility & febrile convulsions to around ⅕ of all those vaccinated. Areas of Africa where vaccine tests were carried out, also reported that on average, there were 10 times more deaths from vaccinated children, than from their unvaccinated children! Barbaric! Heads up medical establishments, ‘proving harm’ to innocent humans & then hoping you'll find a way for that not to happen, is not a sensible, healthy or kind way to treat Humanity. Can you imagine this nanotechnology as a foreign body, moving into blood systems that regulate nervous systems? It would either be the quantity of nano- technology pieces in the vaccine, ( hoping that one would lodge in a body & survive), or the general size of the nanotechnology, that would block biological pathways & of course cause paralysis in most individuals bodies! Very scary, crazy & unethical WHO & Bill Gates! I hear today in April 2020 President Trump opposed their vaccine tracking system disguised as putting trackable dye, that is invisible to the naked eye, but trackable with cell phones & satellites), on the grounds of personal liberty. He has also recognised that Gates is aggressively propagandizing on behalf of his vaccines throughout the corona pandemic. So he has apparently now kicked WHO & Bill Gates ‘advice’ off his health advisory board & is seeking alternative instruction. Helleluyah!. Thank Goodness they are seeing the light! Their work is not advantageous to anyone’s health! Health is not achievable in a syringe! SO WHAT IS CURRENTLY IN THEIR VACCINES ? Simultaneously to the nano-technology, the vaccine conjuvents already in every single vaccine are designed to block neural pathways & confuse the body’s homeostasis so they can't leave the body in a hurry. Eg. aluminium hydrochloride. This leads to a systemic reaction in the body, which can cause a raft of ill- health conditions. Ludicrously, as we aware humans start asking questions about the efficacy of vaccines, Drug companies have removed the ingredient list from vaccine packets, so we can be less informed. Isn't it our human right to know exactly what is being put into our bodies? Here is a list of the toxicants & hazardous chemicals currently being used as conjuvents with the dead or alive viruses in vaccines. Their various polluting particles are capable of literally poisoning organs, cause blood clots, allergic reactions, cardiovascular & respiratory illnesses, immunodeficiencies and autoimmune disorders, autism, nervous system poisoning, blood toxicity, damaging DNA of that body & future generations & some are even carcinogenic in 1 in 5 people. Additionally it is known that we are getting immune to antibiotics, so why would they put them into vaccines? Why would you want to cause toxic shock to someone's immune system by putting any of this ‘shit’ into vaccines?! • Acidity regulators • Aluminium Hydrochloride ( traps the vaccine leaving the nervous system) • Ammonium Sulphate ( toxifies the gut, liver & lungs) • Amphotericin Sulphate ( fungicide) • Beta- Propiolactone (a recognised carcinogenic & organ toxicant) • Calf Serum • Chick embryo • Egg protein • Emulsifier • Fetal bovine Serum • Formaldehyde (a recognised carcinogenic & organ toxicant to ecosystems & human health) • Genetically modified organisms • Gentamicin Sulphate antibiotic • Hydrolysed gelatin- from calf & pig skins & bones • Lactose ( dairy allergen for 60% of the world) • Latex - used in vaccine preparation • Monosodium Glutamate- MSG- all vaccines contain this soy allergen even if they are not listed. Was removed for infants under one for food additives, but still in vaccines! • MRC5 - Human aborted fetal tissue! • MF59 (squalene oil), an adjuvant • Neomycin antibiotic • Phenol- organ toxicant • Phenoxyethanol - antifreeze • Polyribosylribitol- part of the HIB bacterium • Polymyxin antibiotic • Polysorbate skin & organ toxicant • Sorbitol- gastric & liver irritant • Streptomycin antibiotic • Sucrose ( sugar anyone?) • Taste improvers • Thimerosal ( organ toxicant) • Tri 📷 butylphosphate kidney toxicant & neurotoxin • Yeast And now dyes & nanotechnology to be added ……, Unless You Make A Stand For Yourself & For The Generations To Come From Your Cells. Contraindications & side effects of vaccinations When I nursed, we were told if anyone was already unwell, they should delay their vaccinations until they had a strong immune system, knowing vaccinations were designed to trigger big immune reactions. Sadly I see these boundaries pushed by GP’s. I have even referred people to their GP’s for further cardiovascular investigation & had one ignorant GP decide to give his client a shingles vaccine. She had no idea what was in the syringe & he neglected to ask her. Just add it to the pile of yet another medical misadventure…. In the clinic, I see clients who’ve been to their Drs & even specialists complaining about their worrying side effects after their children’s vaccinations. They have been told dismissively that their symptoms are temporary; “go home & rest.” Or more often what is happening to them, the day after vaccination, ‘is unrelated to the vaccination’ Just one eg. severe ticks suddenly appeared in twin boys that were both vaccinated the day before & were until then completely well. Their parents tried to get support from their GP & Specialists who were of no help or support. Documented throughout the internet are the known side effects of vaccinations. High temperatures, restlessness, crying, headaches, rashes, pain & swelling are dismissed as minor reactions by parents & doctors. I have also noticed that ‘someone’ has removed all of the serious side effect descriptions off the internet as the vaccination campaigns expand. The less known & scary effects to the nervous system, like inflammation of various nerves, facial palsy, nervous system ticks, convulsions, visual disturbances (optic neuritis/ neuropathy), autism, poor concentration, memory loss, tingling or numbness in extremities on spine, long lasting migraines & headaches, tiredness, low energy, dizziness, fainting, been unwell since a vaccination- with colds or flus they can’t shake. Not to mention the vaccine induced illnesses like Guillain Barre syndrome, anaphylaxis, blood platelet thrombocytopenia, swollen lymph glands in the neck, armpit or groin as the lymphatic system tries to cope. Gastro-intestinal problems, immune deficiencies & even the beginning of that disease the vaccine is trying to prevent in their body. Eg. shingles. The reality is more horrific to me than any threat we have in our developed countries of getting a disease, that we could use natural medicines to treat. I've also seen body’s trying to push the vaccine out ( via the nature's law of cure) ie. outward a month later- where a child gets swollen fingers, or the adult gets a severe version of the flu they were trying to prevent in the first place. Our human body’s are made to adapt for sure. But they have no idea that mankind would invent such atrocities to be added to disease causing viral pathogens & injected into the deepest layer of the immune system. Why are humans so gullible & allowing this? Oh yes, threatened with fear of death of their family member or being told they are being neglectful does that to people! Would it not be more ethical for WHO to refocus its resources on improving health to prevent such diseases? Ie. recommend cleaning up rubbish strewn environments, gift more allergy free nutrition, providing supplements & natural medicines the indigenous people of the land ask for instead? Etc . I am sure it would cost way less than vaccinations. Bottom line is: Good health does not come in a Syringe! Covid -19’s- We now know the Media explanation of Covid -19 has once again been driven by WHO ( & its financial backer). Fear itself is the virus this time. It has been propelled into humanity to gain control over the people’s minds. It has had humanity stop in its tracks and listened to what ‘the right thing is to do’ as advised by WHO. Governments have sought further control, by first following WHO’s instructions & then appealing to people’s hearts ie. ‘Stay home & keep the world safe”. We have all innocently obliged with the threat of death from covid-19, if we don’t. Covid-19 however is a strain of the common cold or flu virus that most of us would get at some time in our lifetime anyway, which as you see above will raise our body’s immunity to it. It targets the respiratory system. So I feel really only those with poor health, or pre-existing medical conditions need to worry about it. Also in our part of the world its affinity appears to be more with the elderly passing away from it. Super sad for them. But I also wonder if the fear of it was enough to lower their immunity anyway! Coincidentally with Bill Gates’s reign, in the last 20 years Sars & MER’s viruses have appeared ( Manmade or naturally?) Many people are discussing, there is another strain of the virus going around that was created & this is the bio-warfare version. What we do know is, from president Trump, is that WHO has lied to us & created a global panic. Trump has people independently investigating WHO now, which wont please the illuminati / Elite one bit! A second extensive study has also found that the original Coronavirus Mortality rate is actually 0.4%, not 3.4% - which confirms its similarity to a seasonal flu. From a holistic practitioner point of view, I just want to add that viruses like bacteria aren't ‘the baddy’s’ everyone makes them out to be. Many of them already live harmoniously within your body, helping you gain new insights & develop yourself. ie. Holistically viruses, like any health condition, come with metaphysical lessons for your personal development. Viruses transmute & change all the time depending on their host (ie. the body they are inhabiting). They cannot live outside of the body. For more than 1 hour. However, could it be that a virus like Covid was manipulated into a biochemical weapon that caused young people to also die from this pneumonia like respiratory disease? How interesting that it first infected US industry competitors in China? It’s timing has definitely been fuel for Bill Gates vaccination campaign; all part of his drive for world domination. Interestingly enough, 5G technology towers are still being erected while everyone is in ‘shut down’. Could this be the opportunity Bill Gates has co-created with his minions so that he could roll out a covid -19 vaccine complete with trackers in it for the whole world. One vaccine size fits all, to ‘save the world’? I witnessed covid -19 manufacturing patent papers on the internet when it was first announced. True or not, I'm very sure I choose not to be part of this biochemical warfare & human control system that these dark elite powers are creating. Yes, sure, it’s sensible to be aware around any pathogens. Good handwashing techniques should always be happening, plus a healthy gut & a healthy lifestyle. However I really don’t think that unnecessarily stressing & therefore lowering immune systems function by vaccinating and poisoning the immune system is the answer. Also this latest flu vaccine appears to have had a respiratory disease added to it. I've had clients who've had reactions to it this year, test positive for needing either whooping cough of TB homeopathics! Confirming to me, that these have been used. In their production! I feel it's senseless to make someone sick in an attempt to make them healthy! Do you really want those diseases in your system complicating your immune system this winter? What you can do right now to say no:- • In Nursing we are advised to wait until someone is well before we show them to the Dr to vaccinate. Unfortunately many health professionals offering vaccines ( including pharmacists) have pushed away this sensibleness, as vaccines make them money. We could still try though. Mention you have a cold, flu or current allergies to at least bide yourself some time. • Call their bluff. Say you have already been vaccinated or immunised, or will be by your GP’. That you prefer vaccinations that way, from your trained professional. Then voice the doctors medical code- see below. • If you're of NZ Maori descent utilise the Treaty of Waitangi’s health advice: Especially their “participation clause” :> Ie. You are invited to decide what you would like with your healthcare! ie. “According to the Ministry of Health, the Treaty of Waitangi sets out three key principles that facilitate the relationship between the Crown and Maori in healthcare. • Partnership means working closely with Maori to develop plans that drive Maori health benefits. • Participation ensures Maori take part in all levels of healthcare decision-making, planning and delivery. • Protection makes sure the New Zealand Government works towards Maori having the same health benefits as Pakeha.” • Baffle them with brilliance:- “I express my choice as a sovereign being to have the power to choose my reality.” • Express your divine choice as a sentient being saying that “vaccinations will lower your vibration” • Utilise your spirituality or philosophy & express you have that or religious concern about vaccines. Ie. “God doesn't want this for me.”” If our gorgeous Hari Krishnas & Jehovah witnesses brothers & sisters have their lists of what they can or can’t partake in, then why can't we? Nb.15 American states decline vaccines because of their philosophical exemptions to vaccines; and 45 states can refuse on grounds of religious exemptions. All you have to say is, ‘This is my faith,’ we respect an individual's faith in this country.” • Exercise your medical knowledge: All public health interventions, including vaccination, include health risks. So you can say, “As an individual who is respected for her / his ideals and values, it is my right to exercise those to protect myself and/or my children, as we do not accept existing medical evidence about the relative safety of vaccines. Where there is a risk, there must be a choice.” • Discuss the legal case proving vaccines are unsafe:- ie. “I have done my research & found that vaccines aren't as safe or proven as we are led to believe. I found a case which we can now cite as legal support to decline a vaccine. On September 7th 2018, where Vaccine injury Lawyer Robert Kennedy Jr, proved & won his case where he showed that vaccine manufacturers are now illegally making & producing vaccines that havent been tested for 30+ years. They are Aided & abetted by the unsuspecting medical community. So I would be a fool to accept vaccines into my immune system. • Discuss your beliefs on being vibrationally compatible with a disease. Eg. A while back it was ‘fashionable’ for a mum to take her child to a ‘chickenpox party’ in the hope her child's immunity will be alerted to the chickenpox virus, yet hope they would not get the virus. If the child was of at the same vibration as the child currently hosting the virus & the party - ie. lowered health through poor diet or an unhappy home life or even their personality’s outlook, they may contract the virus. Other children may be at a different ( higher or lower) vibration & not be compatible with attracting that virus into their system. • If you’re of Catholic Faith, the Catholic Church recognizes the value of vaccines and the importance of protecting individual and community health. It asserts, however, that its members should seek alternatives, when available, to vaccines that are made using cell lines derived from aborted fetuses. See the list of conjuvents above-most vaccines contain them from various humans or animals. • Express your fear: Claim, I have suspicion and mistrust of vaccines after what I have witnessed happening to non-westerners after exposure to Bill Gates Vaccine schedules in places like Africa Nigeria & Afghanistan ( see notes above). • No to Nano! - I do not consent to being microchipped with nanotechnology or a dye like some poor animal. Bill Gates has made this clear that he wants to utilise the covid-19 vaccines for ID & tracking of people. ( probably using 5G) No thanks, that is a breach of my privacy & my health. I value my sovereignty. • Claim vaccination is racism - several studies have found racism as part of the legacy of medicine. The Tuskegee Syphilis Study, was a clinical trial conducted with African Americans who were denied appropriate treatment opportunities. Naturally these were key factors underlying African Americans’ distrusting medical and public health interventions, including vaccination. Additionally in parts of Asia and Africa, mistrust of vaccines is often tied to “Western plot” theories, which suggest ( & can now be proven) that vaccines are ploys to sterilize or infect non-Western communities. • Claim Vaccines are now known to spread other diseases because of their conjuvents. In 1999, British journalist Edward Hooper wrote The River: A Journey to the Source of HIV/AIDS. He speculated that the virus that causes AIDS transitioned from monkeys to humans via a polio vaccine. He argued that the polio vaccine was made from the cells of chimpanzees infected with the primate form of HIV (Simian immunodeficiency virus, or SIV), which adapted in humans and caused the disease. He also stated that there were coincidences in the sites where the polio vaccine was first administered and where the first cases of HIV originated. Nigerians in 2003 also confirmed this belief. • State your views that ‘vaccines can lead to wars & disharmony around the world:- The local Taliban in Southern Afghanistan say ‘The polio vaccination is an American ploy to sterilize Muslim populations and is an attempt to avert Allah’s will.’ Remember vaccinations have been known to sterilise populations of people! • NZ Human rights Act 1993- Quote: ‘As per the Human rights act 1993, I can't be discriminated upon for my ethical beliefs.” My body, my choice! • Further to that, the Doctors medical code of conduct under the World Medical Association stars:- “Drs must not use their medical knowledge to remove human rights” • Australia doesn't have a legitimate government or federal state. They have no authority to do anything. Therefore they have committed many crimes against we the people of Australia. ( sorry I know zilch about this one- please add to it if you know more ) • Tom Barnett on youtube says we can't catch a virus. So you can learn that thoroughly and promote that as your ethical health choice. I know we were taught viruses do not live outside of the body for more than 1 hour. So if you have good hand washing, health & lifestyle etc. Then there is a high chance you won't be susceptible to viruses, bacteria. Unfortunately I'm a bit indoctrinated here, so I'm on the fence & do take bug precautions but I also trust my healthy immune system & natural supplements. • British Law ( also known as Common Law) verses Roman Corporate Law. 27 years ago when I was studying naturopathy, we had a guy come & talk at length to us all about this. We were all in full support of stopping writing our names in capitals so we didn't accidentally sign their contracts & we could even decide to fit under the indigenous people of NZ ( even though most of us were white...as it is apparently a choice) ie. we would do that so that we could practice as indigenous healers,( if the pharmaceutical industry tried to shut us natural therapists down even further ) as we were all born in NZ. The challenge then came at not needing their corporate system. Damn it, they'd made it, so that everything we needed was tied up in it. Our banks, our businesses etc. It is a hard one to escape. So I loved what Saul wrote & if I had the inner balls & could live off the grid & still be able to help people via the internet, I'd be in! But I don't know how to yet. ( open to education on the same!) So meanwhile I have dipped my toes into this for 27 years. I don't write legibly on forms when I choose, I don't write in capitals & I only share the information that I choose. When it comes to avoiding Vaccination, I totally believe we could utilise our knowledge of the common law. Contract law versus initial contract etc. But like Saul has explained, we need to do all he suggests & it's not an easy road, but then nor would succumbing to vaccinations be! How I plan to look after my health instead. Vaccinations are seen as a way of us as a population controlling disease, that many of us know is seasonal etc. Pro- vaxxers believe wholeheartedly in this & then I see them eating mega junk food, eating low vibration food, smoking, drinking up a storm & being fearful of disease. It's just so misaligned when you think about it. So there will be come back, if you make an informed decision to not vaccinate. It's a good idea to know within yourself what you plan as an individual or family is; in both defence of yourself & for your immune system. Then when people attempt to question your theories you know what you're doing. In your plan make sure you include a healthy high vibration diet- lots of fresh organic fruit & veggies, proteins, good fats & water every day. Supplement with prebiotics, probiotics & anything you are lacking through dietary choices. Be happy with your life. Have a spiritual or meditative element to your life Be involved in a supportive tribe, or circle of friends. Health is much more than what’s in a syringe The letter to respectfully decline vaccination as an informed human This letter outline is built upon your previous letters shared with the sacred revolution, thank you! Choose when to act with it though please. There is no point setting off alarm bells to these people to give you extra attention if you don’t need it. Ie. If your country or people do not get presented with the need to vaccinate, have it up your sleeve instead. Share this with your tribes. The more informed everyone is, the faster we can change world views & make this world a healthier place to live. Unless we want to discuss making our point known collectively at the top of the government chain now as a tribe/ collective/ revolution? HOW TO USE THIS LETTER:- Go through the letter below & delete things that are not of your voice or opinion about yourself or your beliefs, throughout this letter. Add in information, you would like to see in it. Have a look back over the bulk of the info above for more ideas, or add in your own knowledge. Make this letter your own please & keep me confidentially out of it thanks :>. Ie. Author unknown . Love & blessings
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2020.10.05 05:38 GoneRampant1 [Video Games] The reboot that got rebooted: The rise and fall of DmC: Devil May Cry

Let's cut through the pre-amble:
What is Devil May Cry?
Devil May Cry is an action series developed and published by Japanese company Capcom, beginning with Devil May Cry 1 in 2001 for the Playstation 2 (Here's an advert showing it as part of Sony's holiday lineup that included landmark gaming titles such as Final Fantasy X, Grand Theft Auto 3, Metal Gear Solid 2 and... Baldur's Gate Dark Alliance). The game series began as a prototype build for Resident Evil 4 that had more of an overt action focus than the acclaimed horror franchise was known for. Rather than scrap the build, Capcom saw potential in the idea of a stylish action game, and gave director Hideki Kamiya permission to make it a full title.
Kamiya would involuntarily leave the series after DMC 1 as Capcom didn't ask him to work on DMC 2. Instead, a still-to-this-day unknown phantom director was put in charge of the game and he ran it into the ground. With less than half a year before DMC 2's 2003 release, Capcom brought in a new director to course-correct and get the game out for release: Hideaki Itsuno. In less than six months, Itsuno would rally the team, basically make the entire game, and create several features that would go on to become series staples, and while DMC 2 sold well, it was critically panned for being a very boring game. Itsuno, not wanting his reputation to be sullied, came back in 2005 with Devil May Cry 3, generally considered one of the greatest action games of all time. From here several core traits are instilled: chief among which being style meters that track the player's skill with combos and Dante having a style system that lets him use different movesets.
And it's in 2008 with the release of Devil May Cry 4, marking the series going multiplatform for the first time as it came out on the PS3 and Xbox 360, that this story really begins:
The build up to 2010
With DMC 4's release in 2008, Capcom set the sales expectation that the game would sell 1.8 million units by the end of the fiscal year. DMC 4 would sell two million units in under a month, but Capcom were a bit unimpressed. They were hoping that now that DMC was on a wider range of platforms that the sales would correspondingly go up, but instead the game just saw a modest increase over DMC 3. The cost of game development had also shot up in the new console generation, making Capcom more concerned about DMC4's sales just being fine, especially coming off of huge sales juggarnauts from 2007 such as Halo 3, Call of Duty Modern Warfare and Bioshock. (It doesn't help that DMC 4 had a very rushed development leading to the now infamous case of Dante's playable chapters just being Nero's but backwards)
Japan at the time was also in a weird place when it came to gaming. The mobile phone gaming market was about to take off, and the playerbase in Japan was already smaller than the worldwide market for obvious reasons. In the home regions, it was safer to look into handheld gaming, and while Capcom had dallied with the idea of a DMC game on the Playstation Portable (at one point considering a remake of the first game that reached in-game screenshots and box art that was quietly shelved for unknown reasons, alongside a prequel focusing on Dante's father Sparda), these ideas never left the ground. Seeing how Western markets were more traditionally concerned with console gaming at this time (and the success of the God of War franchise proved Action was a genre people wanted), Capcom's idea was simple:
Give their IPs to Western studios and let them take a crack at it, with the idea being their knowledge of what the West wants would let the games sell better. The results were mixed. The Bionic Commando reboot is nowadays more known for the twist of YOUR WIFE IS THE ROBOT ARM and only sold 27,000 units in a month, but Dead Rising did fairly well under a Capcom Vancouver branch until Dead Rising 4 happened and uh... kinda killed the series because it was awful.
Capcom eventually set their sights on giving the West a crack at DMC, leading to them eyeballing several studios. This worked out well for them in that Itsuno was also burnt out. After having spent five straight years on DMC and having redeemed its image after DMC 2, Itsuno was ready to take a break and make his dream game: Dragon's Dogma, a dark fantasy game that is very fun. It got a Netflix anime adaptation recently that is... not as fun. But while Itsuno was making Dragon's Dogma, Capcom had some time to spitball handing the series off. They eventually settled on Ninja Theory, an up and coming British team best known for Heavenly Sword (a very pretty game with mediocre action combat and a priority on storytelling), and Enslaved: Odyssey to the West (a modernisation of Journey to the West that was very pretty but priotizied story over gameplay). Rumors began to circulate in early 2010 that Ninja Theory had acquired the license and would be making a prequel focusing on Dante's early days, but it would only become clear at Tokyo Games Show that year when DmC: Devil May Cry* was formally announced.
And the fanbase collectively hated it.
(* Yes that does technically mean this reboot's name is Devil may Cry: Devil May Cry. I'm going to call it DmC from here to differentiate it from the core series)
The TGS Trailer
For those unaware of DMC, I should stress that by 2010, it had a reputation for a certain flair and theatics. Dante was known to be a goofball in cutscenes, taunting enemy demons and making a mockery of them. He has an entire cutscene in DMC 4 where he acts like he's on the stage of a theatre with how grandious he is. People liked Dante for this reason, he was a breath of fresh air in a time when most protagonists were stotic, gritty jerks who only talked in curse words and gravelly shouts. And his flowing white hair was also certainly iconic.
So here comes the new take on Dante, the West giving him a go and oh... hoo boy. There's no charisma, there's no panache. The trailer has no gameplay. Dante doesn't look like a trash talker, he looks like a meth addict. He's smoking, something the DMC 1 design documents said Dante would never do as (per Kamiya) smoking is uncool. His hair isn't even white!
Now let me be clear: I am not opposed to a new take on Dante. Certainly, the idea presented in the reveal trailer that Dante is imaging the demons he fights as an acute case of psychosis is an interesting idea, as it raises the question of whether or not the demons are real or if he's senselessly killing random people. But the execution would have had to be perfect, and opening with just a fancy trailer that had no signs of gameplay for an action franchise was not the right foot to start on.
What doesn't help was that the entire Western Capcom initiative was one pushed by a very controversial figure in gaming called Keiji Inafune, who would leave Capcom right after DmC's announcement in 2010. Inafune was the one most strongly advocating for the western development approach (Something Capcom were quick to stress in 2010 after his departure), but with his departure the movement had less steam. Inafune would go on to make Mighty Number 9, a Kickstarter that went miserably wrong on every turn and is usually seen as one of the most disappointing games of the 2010s.
I should also point out here: Dante's radically different design from the norm of the series was a mandate imposed by Capcom. Ninja Theory's original concept art for Dante was much more closer to his traditional design- white hair, red coat and all. But Capcom, and Itsuno especially, were adament that if Ninja Theory were going to be doing something new with the franchise, that they needed to go off the cuff- in Capcom's own words, "Go crazy."
The development
So Dante got a new color palette, a darker jacket and black hair. But at the time (this news only came out two years after the redesign was revealed), people didn't know about Capcom explicitly telling NT to go off the rails, and what they saw... was Ninja Theory going off the rails in the wrong way.
So from the word go, fans aren't happy. Fans are usually never happy but I mean they were unhappy. Chief Creative director for Ninja Theory Tameen Antionades said after the reveal: “The vitriol was immediate, aggressive and relentless for the next two years. Without a second of gameplay being shown, it had been written off as a disaster in the making.” Tameen would become the ball and chain around DmC's marketing, which is quite apparent in how Ninja Theory would dial back on his appearances as we get closer to the game's release. The backlash to the launch clearly surprised Ninja Theory and caught them off guard, with Tameen publically lashing out at the original fanbase for writing the game off or being unhappy at Dante's visual redesign. This would go on to dominiate the discussions about DmC for its pre-release cycle, as it became less about the game and more about the community and whether or not the response was justified (alongside in typical internet fashion, a few death threats being tossed around which apparently included a full metal song). No matter which side of it you lean on though, Tameen had habit of putting his foot in his mouth in regards to PR:
Capcom likely stepped in behind the scenes and encourged a few changes. Notably, Dante's design underwent a few shifts, including making him more muscular and rewriting portions of the game to give him a few more of Old!Dante's trademark quips. A few voice actor was also cast, named Tim Phillips... though NT wouldn't budge on the haircut as it was part of the story. The Dante psychosis/prisoner angle from the TGS trailer was also completely scrapped from the final product, having Dante instead be confirmed to be sane and fighting demons, not people. Even though Capcom had encouraged NT to go off the rails... money still reigns supreme and Capcom wanted to turn a profit. So closer to release, Capcom made a point of stressing that Itsuno and several other DMC veteran staff were supervising the combat system and offering guidance. Combat designer Rahni Tucker spoke positively of the exchanges she had with Itsuno:
While Capcom Japan kept a close eye on Ninja Theory’s work on DmC’s characters, story and world, its greatest focus was, naturally, on the game’s combat. Itsuno and other key personnel would visit the studio in Cambridge every few months to check in on its progress, Ninja Theory staff would often make the trip out to Japan, and in between those times there would be regular video conferences and daily email updates. All that communication helped to unify the two companies, despite a fundamental split between their approaches to game development: Ninja Theory liked to start with the visual design, and Capcom with the mechanics. Modestly, Itsuno admits he learned a lot from the collaboration; Tucker believes she picked up an awful lot more. “I learnt so much,” she says. “Itsuno would speak philosophically about how he approaches combat and enemy design. They build most of the player’s set of actions first, and then think about the things they can build to allow players to exploit particular elements of the system they’ve designed. They really put the emphasis of the baddie design back onto the player’s actions. It’s kind of obvious, but just the way that he spoke about it was inspiring, and it made a lot of sense to me.”
The damage however, was long done. Even with the post-TGS revisions, DmC was facing an uphill battle from the community, with a minority waiting to give it a try themselves before casting judgement, but the majority either being apathetic or downright hostile to the game, not helped by Tameen's attitude creating the idea that Ninja Theory inherently hated what made Devil May Cry good (again, keep in mind most players wouldn't learn that Capcom were pushing for the radical Dante changes until years post-release). Ultimately though, Capcom themselves are to blame for the choices that impacted DmC: Ninja Theory were only doing their jobs to the best of their abilities and for the most part many of the staff clearly loved getting to work on such a popular franchise and boosting their studio's name. It came down an unfortunate blend of Capcom misreading what people wanted from future projects, an attempt to appeal to a Western market that fell on its face, and a director unprepared for the mass backlash his product got.
Either way, the game finally came out in early 2013.
The game itself
Eh, it was OK.
DmC launched in March 2013 and got decent reviews on all platforms, getting a consistent 8/10 on all platforms on Metacritic. The PC port was especially praised for its sheer variety of features including an uncapped framerate. Critics quite liked it, praising the story and art direction, feeling it was a necessary step for the series to make the games somewhat easier to let newcomers in without facing as daunting a challenge as the games could be (I'm pretty sure learning how to fly a plane is easier than mastering Dante in Devil May Cry 4). Old Dante's most famous voice actor, Reuben Langdon, spoke on a podcast about the game and admitted that while he wasn't fond of the new Dante's characterisation, he applauded Ninja Theory's craftsmenship.
The fanbase were colder, even with the pre-release biases set aside (this wasn't helped by Platinum, helmed by several ex-DMC 1 developers including Kamiya, releasing Metal Gear Rising Revengeance also in 2013. Metal Gear Rising is a very good game that involves flipping giant robots and fighting a very actractive Brazillian man with a gun-sheath sword). The game's framerate on consoles was capped at 30FPS for technical reasons when all prior games ran at 60FPS. Dante had lost a lot of his mechanical complexity (including DMC 3 and 4's style system which offered Dante special abilities he could switch between such as more sword and gun combos, blocking and dodging) in favour of a more universal moveset. The Devil Trigger super mode was pretty lame and automatically knocked all enemies into the air, which people didn't like as it made most encounters too easy. Building up style was too easy and the game had no systems to stop you spamming the same combos over and over. The game's weapon system of angel/demon themed weapons included color-coded enemies that forced you to use the right gear or you'd be punished. There was no Turbo Mode, a feature in most games that automatically boosted the game's speed by 20% on average.
Ninja Theory still made a good action game, albeit one that needed a bit more refinement to reach its true potential. But the lack of several core features (or worse, poorly implemented iterations of said features) led to the fanbase adopting a term:
"It's a good game, but it's not a good Devil May Cry."
The fanbase were willing to concede to the good aspects of the game- especially in audiovisual aspects. Enemies now got a subtitle during their first appearance, weapons getting a slight glint when the player pauses to let them know they can launch a pause combo attack, the soundtrack was now dynamic and evolved up the higher your style rank got, alongside the killing blow at the end of a fight getting a cinematic camera angle. Ninja Theory's sense of style itself was something that impressed the Capcom team, as all of these aspects were modified and adopted into the mainline games come 2019. The game was also very beautiful in places, leaving the Gothic archetecture of the main games for a more European feel in Limbo City. Madrid in Spain and Genoa in Italy are clear influences on the archetecture, and the design team adapt them well in making Limbo a city that is itself a weapon trying to kill Dante through compressing alleyways, closing off paths or mocking him through writing on the walls, Splinter Cell Conviction style. Combichrist and Noisia's collaberations for the soundtrack were also praised between their licensed work and new music composed just for the game, especially the songs Never Surrender and Throat Full of Glass.
But for all the praise, reluctant or otherwise, that game got mechanically, the story that the critics had acclaimed as mature and a right step forward had few supporters among the playerbase. There's been a lot written and said about DmC's story so I'll cap off the highlights here:
The end was an OK game let down by a bad story. The tale of many a game. And unfortunately, partly thanks to the game just not being good enough for the DMC pedigree, DmC underperformed. Capcom initally hoped for 2 million units to be sold like DMC 4, but later quietly lowered their projections down to 1.2 million. Some rumors speculate that Capcom had to artifically boost the game's sale numbers by counting anyone who downloaded the game when it was for free as part of Playstation Plus in January 2014 (games that go on PS+ or Microsofft's Xbox Live Games with Gold service are usually games that are either selling so well they can take the hit, are past their lifespan and looking to reignite the playerbase, or did very badly and this is a last ditch effort to get interest into the game). While not speaking directly about DmC, Capcom spoke frankly in a financial report regarding their Western outsourcing, attributing the lack of success to a "delayed response to the expanding digital contents market," "insufficient coordination between the marketing and the game development divisions in overseas markets," and a "decline in quality due to excessive outsourcing". The long and the short of it was: DmC flopped commerically, failing to meet the sales of DMC 4 in the West (which remember was Capcom's entire reason for the reboot) when it was released on the exact same platforms, and the consoles had a larger install base due to five years having passed. For what it's worth, Itsuno himself support the game and approved of Ninja Theory's efforts, even saying he'd have been honored to work on a DmC Devil May Cry 2 had Capcom gone with that project.
Some post-launch support would follow, including DLC costumes based on concept art for Dante and several alt skins based on his DMC 1 and 3 appearances, Bloody Palace (basically a time trial gauntlet run) and a campaign focusing on Vergil that sets up a sequel hook which never gets followed up on.
Some Ninja Theory staffers didn't take the news well, especially as they knew that their reputation was going to take a large hit after DmC. Art director Alessandro Taini gave a GDC talk where he went on a weird rant involving editing DMC 4 Dante into stills from... Brokeback Mountain and Batman and Robin, while also saying reboot Dante was based on... Tyler Durden from Fight Club (for those who don't know Fight Club, you're not meant to agree with Tyler or find him a role model). Keep in mind that this is Taini basically shit-talking character designs he had no hand in making. In a hilaripus twist of irony, Dante would later in the series get a cowboy hat as a weapon. Revenge is a dish best served cold.
Capcom up to this point had been going back and forth on what DmC even was- was it a prequel, a reboot, an alternate universe? They seemed to change the answer every month. But after the game's failure to meet expectations commercially, they quietly settled on it being based on an alternate universe, as was confirmed in of all things, Donte appearing as a DLC alt skin for Dante in Marvel vs Capcom Infinite.
(While I'm on the topic of weird fighting game trivia, Donte actually also got a full fighting game appearance in the "classic," Playstation All Stars Battle Royale as an attempt to market DmC ahead of its release. Yes, Donte technically didn't even debut in his own game. This story is so weird to me! In the trailer he even fights the protagonist of previous Ninja Theory game Heavenly Sword)
In 2015, Capcom re-released the game for the new consoles as DmC: Devil May Cry: Definitive Edition. This was largely helmed by the Capcom team in Japan who modified the game to make it more in line with DMC's series standards of gameplay. And you know what? It's really good! Genuinely, it actually makes the game and takes it from "A good attempt" to "one of the best Western attempts at action games period." 60FPS on consoles, all DLC included, Turbo Mode was back, a new mode called Must Style where you have to get an S Rank in combos before your attacks do damage, all alongside an insanely detailed changelog penned by Rahni Tucker. The one downside? It never got released on PC for unsaid reasons, presumably that most of the new gameplay additions... were based on mods made by the PC fanbase. Mods you can no longer find as the site storing them has gone down.
However even with this, DmC would get sand in its eye one more time. In the same year, Capcom released a similar re-release of DMC 4 called Special Edition. It was far more bare bones than DmC: DE, only adding three new playable characters in Lady, Trish and MOTIVATION Man himself, Vergil. Despite the game only getting a physical release in Japan and being digital only here in the West (whereas DmC: DE got a full release), Capcom eventually said that DMC 4 SE obliterated the DE in sales, with Capcom specifically saying that 4SE's digital sales led to a better quarter in 2015 than they were anticipating. As of 2020 (due to Capcom counting their re-releases of games separately than the original release when it comes to sales), we know that DMC4SE has sold 1.5 million units, while DmC: DE sold 1.1 million.
However, ultimately, I'm very joyful to admit that everyone got a happy ending! No, literally, everyone came out of this for the better. Ninja Theory in 2017 would release Hellblade: Senua's Sacrifice, a critical and commerical darling made on a self-styled "AA" budget that was praised for its handling of mental health through the lens of its MC Senua. It made its budget back easily, they're now owned by Microsoft and they're currently working on a sequel called Senua's Saga: Hellblade 2. Capcom would bounce back from their slump in the Early 2010s, beginning in 2017 with the releases of Resident Evil 7, Monster Hunter World and a certain title I'll mention in a minute. They've been releasing hit after hit for the last four years and they have more on the horizon. And Itsuno, now having made Dragon's Dogma, came back raring to go with more Devil May Cry. Though there are some rumors by Dante's voice actor that he had to threaten to leave Capcom to get it, at E3 2018 as part of the Microsoft panel, Itsuno took to the stage and announced:
(Watching people react to this trailer and freaking out when they see it's DMC gives me so much serotonin)
Thanks for reading this... long disaster of a post. Have a good one, and remember to keep this party crazy. Let's rock. :)
Additional reading if you'd like more words on this reboot:
submitted by GoneRampant1 to HobbyDrama [link] [comments]

2020.09.30 11:52 thecambridgegeek Audio Drama/Fiction/RPG Debuts - September 2020

I've got what I think is a mostly exhaustive list of the new audio drama series that came out in September, which may be of interest to those looking for new shows. See below. Anyone want to tell me any I've missed, and I'll update it? (Note, "new" here means that the Ep1 of the RSS feed was released, or a previously non-fiction feed started producing fiction.) Listened to any of them that you would recommend?
Previous months are available here:
And the ongoing updates (just in case you don't want to wait for the end of the month) are available here:
And I do a weekly podcast collecting a few trailers here:

9/1: No Place but the Water (Dramatised - Science fiction)
Site: https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000ly22/episodes/downloads
Synopsis: Linda Marshall Griffiths' drama series set in a flooded future world. When there is no place but the water, where do you go?
RSS Feed: https://podcasts.files.bbci.co.uk/m000ly22.rss

9/1: Starlight (RPG - Science fiction)
Site: https://starlight.captivate.fm/
Synopsis: Join us for this live play DnD space opera as three unlikely heroes traverse the many perils of the known galaxy, and etch their names among the stars. We break the bounds of traditional epic fantasy, and reach for the starlit enterprises of the universe beyond.
RSS Feed: https://feeds.captivate.fm/starlight/

9/2: Deep Folk (Fiction - Anthology)
Site: https://redcircle.com/shows/deep-folk
Synopsis: Studio Tortu Presents: Deep Folk /// Deep Folk is an experimental Artificial Intelligence narrative podcast by Malcolm Sutherland and Simon Cottee /// Tales from the Generator is a first person radio drama written with assistance of the AI Dungeon Dragon Engine /// The Deep Folk Companion is an ongoing discussion of artificial intelligence and its role in the creative process.
RSS Feed: https://feeds.redcircle.com/69a2c347-766c-4a88-a926-e129b0944f3f

9/2: Eberron Chronicles: Oracle of War (RPG - Fantasy)
Site: https://www.oracleofwar.com/
Synopsis: A Dungeons & Dragons 5th edition "PodioBook" (podcast/audiobook) playing through a Wizards of the Coasts Adventurers League Campaign. Influence this game and story at: www.EberronChronicles.com
RSS Feed: https://anchor.fm/s/2b7c1a5c/podcast/rss

9/2: Tales of the Nova Realm (Fiction - Fantasy)
Site: https://linktr.ee/totnrpodcast
Synopsis: This is a fantasy fiction podcast made by fans of the genre, FOR fans of the genre. The tales that will be told are also of those who inhabit this world. Filled with adventure, mystery and possibly lessons for those who wish to find a deeper meaning. We hope you enjoy what you hear!
RSS Feed: https://anchor.fm/s/32be92b8/podcast/rss

9/2: The Hero of Matysia (Dramatised - Fantasy)
Site: https://anchor.fm/the-hero-of-matysia/
Synopsis: Fatine and Rusen, two knights-in-training in the Matysian Kingdom, meet the legendary hero Balthian, who tells them a variety of tales from his long life of adventures. Join the young trainees as they learn about their hero's life and come to understand the many complexities of heroism, and the impact that being a hero for such a long time can have on a person. Starring Jennifer Hale and Bryan J. Howard, The Hero of Matysia is an original, episodic audio drama created by Will Kaplan & John Kyle Moseley.
RSS Feed: https://anchor.fm/s/2d7aa7ec/podcast/rss

9/4: (exp)lore (Fiction - Anthology)
Site: https://www.theatrejupiter.com/explore
Synopsis: A fiction anthology podcast to be enjoyed in the community while social distancing. These site-specific stories take an imaginative dive into the past and future of your city. Each episode immerses the audience in a rich audio play while they explore the world through a new lens.
RSS Feed: https://feeds.transistor.fm/explore

9/4: Armageddon: Black Dawn (Fiction - Fantasy)
Site: https://soundcloud.com/terry-tibke
Synopsis: A fantastic tale of dragon riders.

9/4: Deck of Many Queers (RPG - Fantasy)
Site: https://www.deckofqueers.com/
Synopsis: Welcome to the Table! We're the Deck of Many Queers. Just a group of queerfolk gathered around to play some Dungeons & Dragons!
RSS Feed: https://anchor.fm/s/32bfba08/podcast/rss

9/4: No Sleep Tonight Horror Radio Show (Dramatised - Horror)
Site: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1330696
Synopsis: A horror radio show featuring fully dramatized radio plays to scare you silly.
RSS Feed: https://feeds.buzzsprout.com/1330696.rss

9/4: Station Arcadia (Dramatised - Science fiction)
Site: https://www.stationarcadia.com/
Synopsis: The Station Arcadia podcast tells stories from a dystopian world where dieselpunk, steampunk, cyberpunk and solarpunk societies all exist side by side. These diverse stories are told through a radio station on a shifting island, and given voice to by the Station's Host - Kass. Woven through each stand-alone story are threads that come together to tell the story of a revolution, and hope in the face of a dying world. Also, it's queer.
RSS Feed: https://pinecast.com/feed/station-arcadia

9/4: The Genesys Archives (RPG - Anthology)
Site: https://anchor.fm/thegenesysarchives
Synopsis: Welcome to the Genesys Archives! A place where a bunch of nerds, artists, writers, and musicians collaboratively create stories through a tabletop role playing game called Genesys. This podcast will serve as an archive of these stories as we adventure through fan-favorite settings like Star Wars or Azeroth and unearth the unexplored in original settings like our first project: The Unseen World. Enjoy your stay and feel free to peruse our collection at your leisure!
RSS Feed: https://anchor.fm/s/21e7ffb0/podcast/rss

9/4: The Heart of Ether (Dramatised - Horror)
Site: https://heartofether.tumblr.com/
Synopsis: Irene Gray moved to the town of Daughtler, Washington to move on from something that has haunted her for four years. There is more to this town than meets the eye, however. Beneath its surface, something lurks.
RSS Feed: https://feeds.soundcloud.com/users/soundcloud:users:868604788/sounds.rss

9/5: Space Mantis Show Podcast (Dramatised - Science fiction)
Site: https://spacemantisshow.com/
Synopsis: A fan hears a knock on her door and realizes she's been given a box of secret DVDs. Why did she get unreleased episodes of a canceled space opera show, and what's going on in space? She'll have to watch the DVDs to find out. The show, Space Mantis, follows a team of intergalactic efficiency experts combing the stars looking to bring order to the chaos of the universe! Though, what's the deal with space, anyway?
RSS Feed: https://spacemantisshow.com/storage/app/media/podcast.rss

9/6: Muhaymin Luckett Audio Dramas (Dramatised - Slice of life)
Site: https://anchor.fm/muhaymin-luckett/
Synopsis: Hello, My Name is Muhaymin Luckett. I am an aspiring Actor and Playwright. In this podcast you can expect to hear my works that tell compelling stories. I hope to become known throughout the world for the work I put out. New episode every other Sunday!
RSS Feed: https://anchor.fm/s/202fe7a0/podcast/rss

9/6: Mysteries and Madness (RPG - Crime/Mystery)
Site: http://www.theclubhouse.ca/
Synopsis: A 2 Player Role Playing Game creating a Supernatural Detective Drama set in the 1940s. GM’d by Dave Coalmine & Played by Todd Sullivan. These are the Case Files of Jack Shepherd.
RSS Feed: https://feed.podbean.com/coalminesclubhouse/feed.xml

9/7: Audio Ephemera (Dramatised - Anthology)
Site: https://anchor.fm/audio-ephemera
Synopsis: Audio Ephemera is an audio drama series of unique, inclusive, and engaging one-off stories. Every month, a new story with new characters to love and a new journey to follow will make its way into your ears, head, and heart.
RSS Feed: https://anchor.fm/s/34618580/podcast/rss

9/7: Love Don’t Live Here Anymore (Dramatised - Slice of life)
Site: http://ldlha.com/
Synopsis: "Love Don't Live Here Anymore," is a fictional, original audio drama podcast series by writers Terrell Jackson and Ember Stone. The lead, Naomi Martin, is a young woman from Kansas City, MO, torn between her dream of becoming a world-renowned vocalist, and the more seemingly realistic goal, set for her by her father, to finish school and have a practical, “safe” existence.
RSS Feed: https://feed.podbean.com/ldlha/feed.xml

9/7: Mighty Deeds (RPG - Fantasy)
Site: https://gveltum.podbean.com
Synopsis: Mighty Deeds is a podcast of high adventure. If you Like Dungeons and Dragons, Dungeon Crawl Classics, or any other brand of Fantasy Adventure Actual Play podcasts, please give Mighty Deeds a try. We're starting off with a Ravenloft / Curse of Strahd funnel, but where things go from there is anyone's guess. Be on the lookout for more Goodman Games adventures in the party's future.
RSS Feed: https://feed.podbean.com/gveltum/feed.xml

9/7: Ravis: The Lost World (RPG - Fantasy)
Site: https://anchor.fm/1in20
Synopsis: Welcome to the world of Ravis for our D&D 5e actual play campaign series! Ravis is a world full of monsters and mystery. Follow our adventurers as they uncover the truth behind the Lost World. Using D&D 5e rule set, with a few homebrew / variant rules thrown in! World and story is created and written by our Dungeon Master; Liam Wright. We hope you enjoy!
RSS Feed: https://anchor.fm/s/33051008/podcast/rss

9/7: The Golden House (Dramatised - Interactive)
Site: https://www.the-golden-house-podcast.com/
Synopsis: "The one and only podcast for The Golden House Technology and Innovation Centre. Broadcasting from the heart of our state-of-the-art facility on the Isle of Wight". These six episodes were originally broadcast between September 2018 and January 2019. They were pulled from the internet shortly after. Each episode seems to contain a code of some kind... I'm reposting in the hope that someone can shed light on what happened here. I'll repost any clues to my Twitter (@ImogenShelfTest).
RSS Feed: https://anchor.fm/s/2205482c/podcast/rss

9/7: Waylays and Melees (RPG - Fantasy)
Site: https://waylaysandmelees.podiant.co/
Synopsis: Waylays and Maylays To date: it is the only place that one can get such classics as; grown men cry laughing whilst other adults squeak in high pitched voices trying to intimidate a glowing penguin baby out of it's own birthday cake and into a brand new porn carriage.
RSS Feed: https://feeds.podiant.co/waylaysandmelees/rss.xml

9/8: The Elvet Mysteries (Dramatised - Horror)
Site: https://kymdeyn.com/crow-kettle/
Synopsis: The Elvet Mysteries is a horror-mystery miniseries set in a small English university town. After a strange experience, first year student Livvy Jones starts to document the unusual things happening in Durham, and invites the student body to share their stories.

9/9: Around Dis Joint (Dramatised - Anthology)
Site: https://arounddisjointent.com/
Synopsis: Around Dis Joint Entertainment is a podcast that produces original creative content from a collaboration of talented Screenwriters, Voice Actors, Songwriters, Music Producers, & Poets. From Romantic Comedies and Dramas, to Horror, Sci-Fi, and Whodunits, our radio theatre style stories will capture your attention and awaken your imagination with new episodes launching each week!
RSS Feed: https://anchor.fm/s/2e2ed67c/podcast/rss

9/9: Brian Blessed's Bedtime Stories (Fiction - Anthology)
Site: https://www.unionjack.co.uk/shows/brian-blesseds-bedtime-stories/
Synopsis: Gordon's Alive! Shy and retiring actor Brian Blessed has got his first ever podcast. Every Wednesday, he'll be soooooothing you to sleep with classic children's stories and fairy tales. Get ready for a 'calming' and completely off-the-rails rendition of some of world's most famous stories.
RSS Feed: https://www.omnycontent.com/d/playlist/58553d62-3a06-463a-b5c8-a442006798d2/bb064cdb-72fc-4ecc-81e5-ac2100a60a4a/1e1ef77f-6708-4ce9-83ed-ac2100a66c15/podcast.rss

9/9: Of Mice and Men and Monsters (RPG - Anthology)
Site: https://omamamshow.captivate.fm/
Synopsis: A real play podcast where Dungeons and Dragons collides with the classic stories you either love or completely avoided while in school. Join players Aaron, Adam, Kimmie, and Dungeon Master Katelyn, who is also a high school English teacher by day, as D&D elements are dropped into famous pieces of literature.
RSS Feed: https://feeds.captivate.fm/omamamshow/

9/9: Season of the Worm (RPG - Urban fantasy)
Site: https://seasonoftheworm.libsyn.com/
Synopsis: Season of the Worm is an actual play Monster of the Week podcast set in Eureka Springs, Arkansas and it's dark heart Wormwood Falls. Season of the Worm follows 2 groups of monster hunters as they try to solve mysteries and hunt down monsters in and around Wormwood Falls, Arkansas.
RSS Feed: https://seasonoftheworm.libsyn.com/rss

9/9: The Dr. Epicopolis & 1102 Show of Shows (Dramatised - Comedy)
Site: https://www.wonkybot.com/the-dr-epicopolis-1102-show-of-shows/
Synopsis: A meta comedy audio series following supervillain Dr. Epicopolis, the self-proclaimed ‘genius of all evil’ who plots to destroy Earth’s superheroes with his loyal but terribly mistreated slog, 1102. A spin-off from the Parents’ Choice Gold Award-winning scripted podcast series Tara Tremendous.
RSS Feed: https://www.spreaker.com/show/4483253/episodes/feed

9/10: Tall and True Short Reads (Fiction - Anthology)
Site: https://shows.acast.com/tall-and-true-short-reads/
Synopsis: Tall And True Short Reads is an audio fiction podcast featuring original short stories from Tall And True, an online showcase and forum for writers, readers and publishers, narrated by Robert Fairhead.
RSS Feed: https://feeds.acast.com/public/shows/tall-and-true-short-reads

9/10: Welcome to the Quids Inn (Dramatised - Comedy)
Site: https://welcometothequidsinn.podomatic.com/
Synopsis: Welcome to the Quids Inn' is the story of five young people simultaneously hired by the Edinburgh Newington branch of the Quids Inn, Britain's finest chain of budget hotels. The series explores the group's interactions, stories, misadventures and fun whilst working hard maintaining the reception desk, open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week!
RSS Feed: https://welcometothequidsinn.podomatic.com/rss2.xml

9/11: The Atlantis Project (Dramatised - Science fiction)
Site: https://www.amam.cymru/theatlantisproject/2536
Synopsis: “...This is North Sag – home of the Sagog people. It’s disappearing to the sea. Tomorrow, we have to leave North Sag forever. So tonight, we’ve come together to record our story for you. This is ‘The Atlantis Project’...” This is an audio series in 5 parts for listeners aged 11+. Created as an international collaboration between artists in Wales and Norway, we uncover the effects of climate change on culture through the adventurous and heart-warming story of Evie and Deean - two teenagers who invite us into their world of friendship, crisis and acceptance.

9/11: The Order of Podcasters (RPG - Crime/Mystery)
Site: https://anchor.fm/order-of-podcasters/
Synopsis: An actual play tabletop role-playing game using the Esoterrorists rules and featuring podcast hosts as the investigators, including Jennifer Taylor of In Defense of Liberty and Vanished, Rob Kristoffersen of The Coda, Brian Hastie of Double Density and The Coda, and TechnoFunkBoy of Tales from the Rusty Speeder and Dice & Dreary as the game master.
RSS Feed: https://anchor.fm/s/35707f6c/podcast/rss

9/12: Doctor Who: Beginnings of Battle (Dramatised - Fanfiction)
Site: https://anchor.fm/drwhobeginningsofbattle
Synopsis: After escaping a battle The Doctor, newly regenerated, finds himself on the frontline of attack from a creature known as a Tiromal, which is roaming the streets of modern day Edinburgh. After bumping into Sophie, a student, he then begins a quest into finding out who is unleashing these creatures in Edinburgh. Starring Harry Aspinwall as The Doctor, Sophie Weller as Sophie, Max Darke as Triper, Abbie Davidson as Daisy, Maisy Crunden as Tilda, Courtney McCrea as The Physora, Briony Martha as Megan, Rachel Johnstone as Debbie, David McKie as The Soldier, Tomos Bohanna as The tech geek and narrated by Lewis C. Baird.Original music by Rebecca Kelly. Featuring music by CO.AG Music, Whitesand and White Bat Audio. Written, Directed & Edited by Lewis C. Baird.
RSS Feed: https://anchor.fm/s/2dad2870/podcast/rss

9/12: In Astra: A Sci-Fi Mystery (Dramatised - Crime/Mystery)
Site: https://allmylinks.com/inastrapodcast
Synopsis: What is happening at Delphic Peak Preparatory School? Joaquin Moreno doesn't want to be here. But as a bizarre and disquieting mystery unfolds, he may be forced to stay and reckon with it—especially since he's the only one who's noticed. Now Joaquin must fight battles both outward and inward. Because truth carries burden. No one can go back in the dark once they find the light... And there's something watching us from the stars. In Astra is a story about mystery, trust, mental health, and identity. And also space and some gay stuff. New episodes every Saturday! Written, Directed, and Produced by Bee Dellepiane.
RSS Feed: https://feed.podbean.com/inastrapodcast/feed.xml

9/13: Deconstructive Criticism (Dramatised - Comedy)
Site: https://dcritpodcast.libsyn.com/
Synopsis: This is the podcast where Paul and Allison review all the things they do and don’t need in their lives… But there’s one very important thing they never discuss: Do they need each other?
RSS Feed: https://dcritpodcast.libsyn.com/rss

9/13: The Paper Dungeon (RPG - Fantasy)
Site: https://www.thepaperdungeon.com/
Synopsis: The Paper Dungeon is a Dungeons and Dragons 5e campaign streamed on Twitch. Our group started in Nebraska, but has spread to include people across the United States, and we hope to include people around the world. D&D has held us together for years. Welcome to the podcast of our adventure, Dungeoneers.
RSS Feed: https://feed.podbean.com/thepaperdungeon/feed.xml

9/13: Where the Tracks End (Dramatised - Crime/Mystery)
Site: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1304281
Synopsis: From Darker Truths in Strange Fiction Studios comes a tale of 5 people whose lives become intertwined: two boys, two police officers, and a murderestalker. The audio drama will follow the lives of each of these characters separately throughout the course of 9 months.
RSS Feed: https://feeds.buzzsprout.com/1304281.rss

9/14: Hank the Cowdog (Dramatised - Children)
Site: https://www.qcodemedia.com/hank-the-cowdog
Synopsis: Hank the Cowdog, the self-declared “Head of Ranch Security,” finds himself smack dab in the middle of a host of tangled mysteries and capers that span the universe of the Texas Panhandle cattle ranch Hank calls home. Hank is joined on these tail-wagging, tongue-slobbering adventures by a motley assemblage of characters, not least of which is his less-than trusty sidekick, Drover, a small but uncourageous mutt. Listen in as Hank the Cowdog always claims to know the answer, is the last to realize he doesn’t, but is the first to run headlong into tales of courage, loyalty, and friendship. Hank the Cowdog podcast stars and is executive produced by Academy Award® winner Matthew McConaughey. Written, directed and executive produced by Jeff Nichols.
RSS Feed: https://feeds.simplecast.com/syZR7vjv

9/14: The Spooky Sapphic Storyteller (Dramatised - Horror)
Site: https://linktr.ee/emwalker
Synopsis: A hybrid personal narrative/audio drama podcast exploring LGBTQ experiences and the paranormal.
RSS Feed: https://feed.podbean.com/spookysapphicstorytellefeed.xml

9/15: Dice and Desire (RPG - Fantasy)
Site: https://linktr.ee/DiceAndDesire
Synopsis: Six friends go adventuring in this actual play Dungeons and Dragons 5e podcast. Listen to find out how they avoid a TPK this week!
RSS Feed: https://shoutengine.com/DiceandDesire.xml

9/15: Team Asterous (Dramatised - Anthology)
Site: https://asterous.carrd.co/
Synopsis: Queer, inclusive, accessible. Subscribe to this feed for self-contained audio drama stories, TTRPG one-shots, previews of our other podcasts as well as special updates from the team. We're a small team of LGBTQIA+ creators making podcasts and videos together in Sydney, Australia.
RSS Feed: https://pinecast.com/feed/team-asterous

9/15: The Cypher and Avaria Beyond (Fiction - Urban fantasy)
Site: https://buzzsprout.com/1354183
Synopsis: Penner had always considered his life ordinary- but when his lover Chess receives a divine revelation that can’t be explained, his finds himself on the run from forces he doesn’t understand, on an adventure bigger than he could ever expect. Upending their idyllic life in a small town, Chess propels them on a journey to find answers to deep questions that plague his thoughts and his sanity. Now, caught up in an adventure that he doesn’t understand Penner must battle not only for his love, but for the sanity and mental fortitude of the man he loves. Partnering with Fred, a boisterous sky pirate with a mysterious past, they head out to find the answers they need on her airship. But the closer they get to their mysterious destination, the more danger they find themselves in. Facing betrayals, battles and a malevolent being that seems to be hunting them- soon they find themselves deep into conspiracies that threaten the very fabric of their reality. With their wits, their ship and a spot of tea- their quest for answers will make them confront the forces that created the universe. With only each other, will their love be enough to save each other?
RSS Feed: https://feeds.buzzsprout.com/1354183.rss

9/15: West Coast Option (Dramatised - Sport)
Site: https://linktr.ee/thirdeyesockeye
Synopsis: A psychedelic football story presented by Third Eye Sockeye. Week to week we follow the Athens Beach Seafarers as they run their west coast-option offense through the gauntlet of alien abductions, satanic summonings, and crypto cryptids that is community college football.
RSS Feed: https://anchor.fm/s/2ed48d24/podcast/rss

9/16: Tales from the Witcher (Fiction - Fanfiction)
Site: http://www.buzzsprout.com/1320610
Synopsis: Tales from the Witcher showcases serialized, original short stories set in the Witcher universe. Part audiobook and part Actual Play Report, these tales are written and narrated by Jacob Gerstel—and are based on the adventures of his Witcher tabletop roleplaying group. We’ll follow the exploits of a stoic Bear School witcher, an alcoholic elven sorcerer, a resourceful craftsman, a lively bard, and others as they try to stay alive during the Third Northern War. There’s action and adventure, magic and the mundane, scheming and politics, elves and dwarves, war and peace, and—because it’s the Witcher—a touch of philosophy. A new part of the story is uploaded every Wednesday.
RSS Feed: https://feeds.buzzsprout.com/1320610.rss

9/16: World of Wyldrvir (RPG - Fantasy)
Site: https://worldofwyldrvir.carrd.co/
Synopsis: Welcome to Wyldrvir! A Podcast set in an all new TTRPG system that is fully free to play at home! Made by a team of young adults come watch this world bloom and the adventures begin!
RSS Feed: https://anchor.fm/s/31721ee8/podcast/rss

9/18: Out of the Ashes (Dramatised - Horror)
Site: http://www.buzzsprout.com/794927
Synopsis: Out of the Ashes is about a group of people surviving numerous weather anomalies due to a government experiment gone wrong. The sun gets blocked out by ash from volcanic eruptions, global temperatures drop, civilization is now in chaos but while humans can be dangerous in this new world. The things made of nightmares that come from the dark are worse.
RSS Feed: https://feeds.buzzsprout.com/794927.rss

9/18: The Crooked Gavel (Dramatised - Crime/Mystery)
Site: https://www.crookedgavelproductions.com/gavel
Synopsis: Alice Cinnamon quickly discovers that no lawyer will help her find justice after the influential Judge John Cayenne sexually assaults her during a time when it was barely illegal to do so. Along the way, she meets Margaret Cumin, the peppy and knowledgeable wife of a lawyer. Though not technically a lawyer herself, Margaret is the only one with both the ability and the will to help Alice in her legal battle. Together, they fight to set a precedent of jail time for violent crimes against women, and find something unexpected along the way.
RSS Feed: https://feeds.transistor.fm/the-crooked-gavel

9/18: White Privilege: Radio Play (Dramatised - Slice of life)
Site: https://www.whiteprivilegeradioplay.com/
Synopsis: As Black networks pass on hiring light-skinned Black and Jewish reporter, Ashley Allen, ultra-conservative news network, Sly News, can't tell that Ashley's a woman of color. Instead of revealing the truth, Ashley decides to pass as white.
RSS Feed: https://feeds.simplecast.com/_aUa2RCD

9/19: Rodriguez and Silversmith (Fiction - Comedy)
Site: https://soundcloud.com/interview50/tracks
Synopsis: Featuring bitter ex husbands, cocaine satanist cults, drag queens, violence, and an Indiana Jones type archeologist/museum expert as the lead.

9/19: TaleTop (RPG - Fantasy)
Site: https://anchor.fm/taletop
Synopsis: We are five LGBTQIA+ artists who play TTRPGs once per month! Five intrepid souls battle undead horrors and a mysterious assailant in the shifting Ban-Koreh Desert. Join Caeles, Tuya, Nahoko, Aldwyn, and Ana on their whirlwind adventure: Vultures in Koreh!
RSS Feed: https://anchor.fm/s/30433bd8/podcast/rss
submitted by thecambridgegeek to audiodrama [link] [comments]

2020.08.17 17:07 READMYSHIT The Creep Dive Episode Guide

Date Title Cassie Sophie Jen Sidebars and guest stars Creep of the Week
1 12/12/2018 Canoe Believe It?? Alan Rickman never read Harry Potter John Darwin faked his own death in a canoeing accident Seamus on ket with Mary McAleese (Twitter thread)
2 12/12/2018 GP-OH My God who is SHE Samantha Azzopardi pays a visit to Ireland. One of many as she scammed her way around the world An outtake from This is Going to Hurt: Secret Diaries of a Junior Doctor. Woman eats placenta (or blood clots)
3 12/12/2018 A Tale Too Tragic Tania Head, woman who claimed to be a survivor of the attacks on the World Trade Center on September 11 The Juggalos (Insane Clown Posse) Christians in disguise Reddit Guy meets the Devil. Black Mercedes Cassie reveals she used to be Born Again Christian. Jen's personal Angel, Happy Acres
4 11/01/2019 The American Dream or The American Peen What Ever Happened To: Lorena and John Wayne Bobbit. (Wife cuts off husband's dick after he raped her) Swiss cheese Pervert. Man would like a cheesey wank
5 11/01/2019 11 Lies and Counting Warrior Eli. Epic catfish story of a supermom who turned out to be teenager, Emily Dear Sinead O'Connor and Prince had a pillow fight. Prince takes it too far Jen first reveals she was a catfish/troll
6 11/01/2019 A 17 Year Old Mystery Solved by Sleuths Mystery of Lyle Stevik's suicide solved by DNA Doe Testing Ray's Death Documentary (admission of murder). Lady of the Dunes
7 25/01/2019 A Story Blown Wildy Out of Proportion Jimi Heselden segways into the afterlife. Rebba Burger maimed and killed from a whipped cream thing Lambo. Weird radio book review, hosted by Gay Byrne in which Gery Ryan allegedly kills a lamb A man fashions a flying saucer with helium balloons and sends his son flying off for attention
8 01/02/2019 An Unholy Hypocrite, The Dungarvan Angel of Death Travis the Troubled Teen David Matheson, former gay conversion therapist, comes out as gay Fr Michael Kennedy fakes an AIDS epidemic in Waterford. Gets the attention of Princess Diana Travis, the chimp and Creep Dive mascot (a classic!)
9 09/02/2019 The Greatest Writer that Never Was James Frey, A Million Little Pieces (fake memoir) Story of JT LeRoy (racoon penis) Dan Mallory (fake memoir)
10 15/02/2019 The Randy Mr. Hands How Joe Manuella Found Love, Robert De Niro impersonator Mr. Hands! Guy gets killed from bottoming a horse Ellen Coyne and Cassie become friends via Twitter
11 22/02/2019 The Curious Case of Crack Addict Jimmy(part 1) The Girl Who Predicted Her Own Death Tickling endurance competitions funded my some omnipotent millionaire (who obviously has a fetish)
12 22/02/2019 The Curious Case of Crack Addict Jimmy (part 2) That time the Washington Post had a Pulitzer briefly. Janet Cooke and the 8 year old heroin addict
13 01/03/2019 The Fine Line Between Exoneration and Execution The story of Cameron Todd Willingham (a innocent man sentenced to death) Pissing and menstrating in the Stuart era (not Victorian, Jen)
14 08/03/2019 The MSN Murder Mystery Momo: Online Suicide Game MSN Murder. Girl kill herself after online bullying, turns out to be a neighbourhood mom Elizabeth and Theranos
15 15/03/2019 Who Let the Cat Out The Noid, the Domino's mascot that led to a murder Mary Bale: Cat in the Wheelie Bin Topsy the Elephant: Tesla vs Edison
16 22/03/2019 Oyster Man, A Salacious Sausage Fest and A Con Confidence (Creep Live #1) Nicholas Barclay AKA Frédéric Bourdin (missing child imposter) Armin Meiwes, German cannibal Oyster Man (Dublin creep!)
17 01/04/2019 A Haunted Hormonal Teen, A Slender Bender, A Mother Love to Death (Creep Live #2) Dee Dee Blanchard murder by her daughter, seemingly incapacitated, Gypsy Rose. Enfield Haunting, poltergeist in a North London council house Slenderman possee
18 05/04/2019 Who is Timmothy Pitzen?? Disappearance and reappearance (???) of Timmoth Pitzen Christine Chubbuck, suicide on live TV Ford has a horn for Edison
19 12/04/2019 The Beautiful Lie Florida Man, pancake guy Belle Gibson, noted scammer Coco the Gorilla: artist, photographer and communicator
20 21/04/2019 There's a Catfish in the Water Lincoln Lewis catfish, Lydia Abdelmalek The most awkward book club of all time Girl with no vainga gets impreganted from a knife
21 27/04/2019 A Sasquatch, A Tinder Date With a Cannibal and The Life and Ruin of Anna Nicole Smith The Anna Nicole Smith Story Sasquatch Origin Story
22 04/05/2019 Friends From The College Cult Larry Ray: Creepy Dad Cult Whatever Happened to Baby Tyler?
23 11/05/2019 A Love As Deep As The Sea, A Shared Twinsanity and Better The Catfish You Know? Sabina & Ursula: Murderous Swedish Twins Suicide of Megan Meier Some people really love dolphins
24 18/05/2019 The Cat’s Out of The Bag for The Internet’s Maddest Man A Catfish Love Triangle (that ends in murder) The Luka Magnotta Story Jeremy Kyle
25 27/05/2019 The Secret Russian ‘Super Army’ and A Fertility Doctor Who Took Things Into His Own Hands Dr. Cline, fertility doctor who takes matters into his own hands Russian science experiment to create super humans (humanzee) Belle Gibson update (ep. 19)
26 01/06/2019 Larry and The Lawnchair of Dreams The eponymous Larry, an instant classic creep (that is not creepy at all) Moby
27 07/06/2019 The World’s Worst Baby Snatcher and The Ill-Prepared Cannibal Another Catfish Love Triangle and Baby Heist Isa Sagawa: A Cannibal in Paris
28 15/06/2019 Why You Should Never Let Granny Do The Ouija Board Story of Anna Delvy, epic swindler Ouija Board Murder Whale dick tentacle and the guy who honours a dead murderer (Twitter Thread)
29 21/06/2019 A Dead Man, A Cipher, a Mystery Somerton Man: Mystery Australian Man and an Undeciphered Code Ariel Castro kidnappings Delivery Man Haunts Cabin Groom kids on brides dress
30 28/06/2019 It’s Never Plain Sailing The Disappearance of Brian Swanson (into another dimension?) #blueball A shark buffet Juliane Koepcke, the sole survivor of a plane crash that left her stranded in the Amazon Rainforest Boris Johnson
31 07/07/2019 The Lost Family, The Last Eunuch and the Lust for the High Life Tromp Family Road Trip. Australian family collectively lose their mind A Philanthropic Couple with a Secret in the Attic Sun Yaoting; the last Eunuch of China.
32 11/07/2019 A Trio of Clones, Coercion and Courtship A shitty first-date The McDonald's-Nude Heist The phenomenon of a group of self cloning crayfish
33 19/07/2019 Brain-Eating Zombies, The Boy Who Tried to Blow Up Bjork and a Beary Bad Idea Story of Björk's would-be assassin Timothy Treadwell: Bear Enthusiast Furries and Brain eating zombie fungus Grunting man in a gimp suit
34 27/07/2019 A Priceless Love Affair and Something of a Pickle Debbie Montgomery Johnson get defrauded millions in an online dating scam Peeing and pooping in space. Creepy nudes escalates quick (to murder)
35 04/08/2019 Jen’s Solo Ghost Story the tale of Dear David, a creepy child ghost who has been haunting the hallways of illustrator Adam Ellis Horse Girl
36 11/08/2019 When a Dream Life Turns Into a Weird and Creepy Nightmare Dream House goes sour with letters from an ominous writer called, The Watcher Mystery Stripper Jen has the inside scoop on Area 51 Scout's arrival! Woof Canadian Serial Killers
37 18/08/2019 The Hero Who Didn't Know His Name and a Real Life Dr. WHO?? Story of Jean-Claude Romand: Murderer and Imposter Creep Dine With Me: Megan and Hazel. The story of Steven Stayner
38 01/09/2019 Don't Bookmark Your Murder Tips and a Real Life Mission Impossible How to not get away with murder (Daniel Brophy) Personal creep with creepy neighbour and a never ending gift exchange A missionary who get murdered by the Sentinelese
39 09/09/2019 A Twist in The Tale, The Devil Down Under and A Wild Slide A Catfish With a Happy Ending Mysterious Death of Phoebe Handsjuk Deal the Devil Downunder,Story of Michael Atkins and Matthew Leveson
40 13/09/2019 Move Over Travis, There’s a Bad Badger in Town and The Sad Tale of The Sorry Cannibals Caroline Calloway content! Alive: The reluctant cannibals The antics of Stoffel the honey badger
41 20/09/2019 British Fairies, Irish Con Artists and Asian Angels Cassie's Personal Creep and Misadventure in Berlin (featuring Moe) An Irish Kidnapping The Cottingley Fairy Hoax
42 28/09/2019 When a loving Christian family inadvertently adopt a 22 year old sociopath with violent tendencies The tale of Natalia Grace, a Ukrainian Orphan with dwarfism #childdeception Helen Bailey: Author who penned her own death Jacob Barnett, Child Prodigy
43 06/10/2019 The Girl...Who Laughed...As A Man Got Sewn Into The Body of a Horse Story of Nathan Carman and a Sunken Boat A Runaway Bride Countess Elizabeth Báthory, World worst female serial killer? Carl Beach, Richard Madely
44 15/10/2019 What Happens When You Exorcise a Mild Mannered Michael? (Creep Live #3) Ireland's Own Bermuda Triangle An exorcism gone wrong Goose on the Loose! A goose named Andy
45 21/10/2019 A Guest Ghost Story and The Haunted Spots of Dublin Dutch Family in a Basement (and assorted ghost stories) Creep Dine With Me: Fainche. A Dublin 8 Haunting
46 26/10/2019 The Tragedy of the Triplets A tragic tale of triplets and a social experiment Haunted Nazi Dummy
47 31/10/2019 A Catfish Convict, Dawn of The Ed and a Goat Gets Giddy for Piss - It’s our Halloween Spooktacular! Rape Ads, Fake Sonograms, and a Catfisher’s Web of Lies Ed Gein, his mother and the inspiration for Psycho A goat with a penchant for piss (human piss)
48 12/11/2019 An Amuse Bouche of Creep Catch Ups AND The Human Baby Zoo Update on Belle Gibson (ep. 19) Canadian Quintuplets (Human Baby Zoo) Update on Ukrainian Orphan (ep. 42) T.I. (obsessed with daughter's hymen)
49 17/11/2019 The Greatest No-Show-Man and the Mighty Meaty Murderer Threatin, metal band on world tour (with no audience but great hair) Joe Metheny: a mighty meaty murder #serialkiller Donegal Creeps caught climbing a hospital to ouija
50 25/11/2019 Oh No! Where Did Moe Go? Moe Davis: Another chimp fiasco. Travis 2.0 (ep. 8)
51 03/12/2019 A Haunted Galway Baby, a Mystery Man in Sligo and The Spine Tingling Story of the Sleepless Russians (Creep Live #4) Peter Bergmann, a mystery man in Sligo reminiscent of Somerton Man (ep. 29) #blueball Haunted Galway baby #haunted Russian sleep deprivation experiment (this is pretty harrowing) Harry meets the Creeps for the first time Dick Dicker: Unabomber meets Mr. Hands
52 06/12/2019 A Life Heavy on Lies, Light on Lols Jennifer Pan, a Vietnamese-Canadian teen kills her parents (well one of them) Dave, the randy duck
53 17/12/2019 The Woman Who Accidentally Solved Her Own Mystery Disappearance Netty Nance accidently solves her own kidnapping (spoiler: it was her own "mother") Carlos Mariotti and a novel idea to save his mangled hand (spoiler: it doesn't work) Public Universal Friend. First recorded case of non-binary person? Mommy blogger swindles Shauna Sex Síopa!
54 05/01/2020 The Cannibal Cop and A January Assortment of Creeps Cassie tricks a girl into think she's going to Disney Gilberto Valle, the cannibal cop, caught via chat room #cannibal People used to post their kids around! Jeffrey Epstein. German ladies who set a zoo ablaze and killed 20 primates
55 10/01/2020 Too Many Mothers, Too Much Motherly Love and A Small Town Scandal with Massive Consequences Creep Live #5) Bobby Dunbar went missing but when he reappeared to mothers came forward to claim Barbara Daly Baekeland gets murdered (and fucked?) by her son #murder #incest The mysterious Circleville letters #murder #blueball Jen gets send a video of a man fucking a chicken Tiny Indonesian man convicted of the most amount if rapes
56 17/01/2020 Three Cheers for Murder Dying killing to be popular. Cheer leader murder! Karla Homolka, Canada's only female serial killer (this was just an off the cuff creep) One of our very own creepettes has their dog fucked by some local scoundrel :( Cork Christmas Party Shenanigans!
57 25/01/2020 Your Mother Sucks Creep In Hell True Stories behind the production of The Exorcist Jen creeps her own parasite which she definitely didn't get in Centra Parcs Terry McMahon goes on a tirade by his feminist daughter
58 31/01/2020 You Can't Make A Dick Out Of The American Penal System Steven Jay Russell, amazing story of the man who escaped from prison multiple times Andrea Mara; the man who faked his MIL out the car window, armchair sleuths and just how dire your Google search history gets when you kill fictional people for a living Belle Gibson update! She's Muslim now (ep. 19)
31/01/2020 The Creep Hive #1 Jen helps her housemate pee in New Zealand Tampon Girl!!
59 07/02/2020 Who’s side are you on? Story of Ursula Hermann: the German equivalent of Madeleine McCann. Epic creep Sophie admits she ate a raw rasher thinking it was parma ham Some people have non-verbal thought (mini Twitter thread) Graham Linehan (Glinner)
07/02/2020 The Creep Hive #2: The Casualties of The Swan The Sur-jury, The Swan and other horrific reality shows
60 14/02/2020 A Prince and a Perfect Murder Chris Benoit Canadian wrestler. Double murder suicide Shawna from Sex Siopa to share a big juicy salacious royal affair. A lot of creeps reported their mothers fed them raw sausages
15/02/2020 The Creep Hive #3: Schofe's done a runner Cassie discusses her sexuality and everyone cries "Showgirls came out at a very key point in my life" Phillip Schofield literally does a runner
61 21/02/2020 The world’s most badass backpacker, Ireland’s biggest ever manhunt and hotdog handjobs (Creep Live #6) Brendan O'Donnell: Ireland's Biggest Manhunt #serialkiller Kari Ferrell: Hipster Grifter. Gets employed by Vice and exposed Salt Creek Kidnapping. Backpackers take revenge #violence All dogs and the Dublin guy faked an abduction of an elderly person
22/02/2020 The Creep Hive #4: Never trust a Murphy Bed Dead tired, people who've died in Murphy beds!
62 28/02/2020 And it was all cum and paper mâché (Creep Live #7) Gerard John: some local prisoners pose as a young woman and blackmail and fragile young man. Alex Malarkey goes into a coma after a car accident. When he wakes he claims to have met Jesus in Heaven... Man struggles to keeping his wife suitably embalmed Jen discusses laying eggs Katie Hopkins getting the CUNT award
01/03/2020 The Creep Hive #5: Hope Springs Terminal Duffy was kidnapped :( Psychologist hides camera on women with Munchausen Jen says I brought poppers to a live show but it was Cool Swan. Twitter thread about guys pissing in their mouths Sarah, the creep transition year student tells us about Hope Ybarra, Munchausen mom Carlow Judicial System. 73 year old mad jailed for ramming car parked on path
63 07/03/2020 Hike Life Nightmare and The OG Love is Blind Sun Myung Moon and the Church of Unification. It's the Moonies! A Russian Misadventure. 9 hikers die mysteriously in the northern Ural mountains Youtuber faked his girlfriend's death. 21 year old Stephanie impersonates her granny (after she's murdered)
07/03/2020 The Creep Hive #6: Joint custody Cassie meets LeBron James Joint Custody. John Wood mummifies his own leg. The ultimate creep craft.
64 13/03/2020 The OG Disease Spreader: It's Typhoid Mary Sherry Pie turns out to be a super creep (in a really bad way) and has now caused an editing nightmare for producers. Typhoid Mary, famed asymptomatic carrier Putin brings in a new law so he can rule for forever.
13/03/2020 The Creep Hive #7: CAVERN OF PUSS Cassie worked in a residential care home. Patient double dosed a suppository which "activated" as Cassie helped her into a wheel chair. PERI-RECTAL ABSCESS. Arguably one of the most disgusting creeps of all time
65 20/03/2020 A mad story about a mad (cow) disease, a smooth criminal and an underground mission with hilarious consequences Dan Cooper Hijacked a Boeing 727 aircraft in the northwest of the US; jumps out with thousands of dollars and is never seen again Mad Cow Disease and Doctor Daniel Carleton Gajdusek who goes to "help" Papua New Guinea and turns out ot be a paedophile School boys finds a secret warren under their school... A misadventure ensues
20/03/2020 Creep Live Online #1: A Town of Ticking Teenagers, Serial Turder and Mayhem at The Spa Mystery illness takes over town in North New York Sophie's top 3 getting stuck in toilet stories Woman gets naked and lost in spa
27/03/2020 Creep Live Online #2: The most haunted creep of the year
66 29/03/2020 Crafting conspiracies, cult clans and the game show killer Big Crafting is actually a Russian Propaganda Machine Rodney Alcala serial rapist, killer and gameshow contestant Taina Licciardo-Toivola: Annoying Aryian Cult family on YouTube
67 07/04/2020 The long (penis) and short (life) of your favourite covid meme and the mighty Michael that would not die Michael Malloy, the sturdy Irish fella in New York who proved to be un-murderable (well, almost Wardy Joubert, everyones favourite (well-endowed) naked covid meme (who's dead) Harry offically appointed alpha creep!
68 12/04/2020 More Tiger King, a YouTube Doll Debacle and Did Sophie Find D.B. Cooper? Inspired by recent haunted dolls on the hive, Cassie dives into internet sensation, Venus Angelic The Stars of Tiger King: An Epilogue
69 19/04/2020 Snitches get stitches and when internet comments destroy lives Would you provide an alibi for a loved one? Trevor Hardy - The Beast of Manchester (and his brother) The Inception of FaceBook Commentary: tangled history of internet smear campaign Kelsey Grammar maybe into pegging "It's very unfortunate for the mens. Their G-spot is up their ass hole and they're just going to have to get over it." -Cassie Delaney Eamon Holmes (5G) and the gardaí (posting photos of sun bathers)
70 26/04/2020 In The Shadow of the Truth Lies the Statue of Liberty Bling Water! Your water is dead, you fools Lisa helps Sophie with a follow up to Molly from Sophie's previous creep The Mandela Effect. Are we all in hell/purgatory/multiple dimensions/simulated world This episode has more filler than actual creeps but was no less enjoyable. Sophie, my handle is @Harry_birdboy. Cassie, I'll hug you! Gemma O'Doherty
71 06/05/2020 Shipman the shit man Crimes that happen in the virtual world that cross over into reality and suicide pact community killer Harold Shipman, world's most prolific (and boring) serial killer Gemma O'Doherty again (but she gets owned by Dublin airport on Twitter)
72 12/05/2020 Beta Theta Pi? More like Beta Theta Die and the Glow Up with Deadly Consequences Beta Theta Pi, Penn State University. Hazing ends in death :( Sophie loves horror. Tells the real life story behind Scream. (Impromtu creep!) Radium Girls!
73 19/05/2020 Walk like a reincarnated Egyptian also that time a squirrel ate some guys nuts Dorothy Eady, the reincarnation of an Egyptian priestess.Cassie is mean to her mother Creep Confectionary is now a thing. Sophie seeds the idea for a Toast Podcast. Sophie presents a gaggle of gals cat-fishing some terrorists Man gets balls eaten by squirrels Jen and Sophie want to host their own Most Haunted. Cassie protests, as usual Camilla and Prince Charles talk dirty
74 26/05/2020 Don't anger a Karen, canal creeps and the parents who put the kid in kidnapping Shannon Matthews, Karen Matthews has her own daughter kidnappped while she plays Xbox Belle Gibson update! She is now Oromo (an Ethiopian ethnic minority). Katherine Knight and her human pelt Riding in a tent on the canal
75 02/06/2020 Freezin’ people ain’t easy, the genuinely geriatric mother and the biggest creeps of the week ever The YouTubers that rehomed their son The oldest woman in the world to give birth (oyster woman). 40 year old stone foetus! Jen finally gets to tell her cryogenics story. Multple strands See Cassie
76 09/06/2020 No name, No luggage, No labels, No answers 1.) In a room at the Oslo Plaza Hotel, a young, elegant woman is found dead, with a gun shot wound to the head. Why did she check in under a false name? Why are the labels removed from her clothes? 2) Death in Ice Valley The gals are reunited!
77 16/06/2020 Guilt or grief? The dark story of Casey Anthony Via Reddit/Sarah. Creepy MSN guy and possibly related swindler Casey
78 23/06/2020 Slumber Murders and The OG Moby Dick Sleep killers The OG Moby Dick
25/06/2020 Creep Hive Sophie's Cock Along! Denis Nilsen:ScottishSerial Killer (and middle child)
submitted by READMYSHIT to TheCreepDive [link] [comments]

2020.08.10 04:30 AmbitionCharming711 His current depressive tweet phase may be them best possible outcome for him right now (an long-winded opinion from a Psychologist)

TL;DR at the bottom
Hello /thespoonyexperiment. I am (was?) a longtime Spoony fan, as most of you were at some point. I'm a casual lurker of this subreddit, and I have never really posted anything on Reddit, and I'm also not a native English speaker, so please excuse any mistakes with formatting and/or grammar.
There is a lot of stuff I need to unpack here, as Spoony’s history is a very complicated one. I’m not one to actively participate in online communities, but I thing I got the broad strokes of his history (turns out, his fans – and trolls – just kept documenting his misadventures throughout the years). As such, I may get things wrong, and I’ll make a lot of speculations here, so keep that in mind.
To preface this: Spoony has always had a history with trolls, after all, he actually acknowledged Encyclopedia Dramatica a long time ago. That’s because he was always a troll. His Final Fantasy VIII review is full of trolling, calling out FFVIII’s fans on a regular basis, calling them names, etc. His hate for the game is real, and he was always an asshole with everyone, and that is something that made him endearing at this time. He didn’t suddenly turned into a dick, he was actually encouraged to be one by the internet and his reviewers peers. Keep that in mind, Spoony is no saint whatsoever, but let’s paint a picture of him, and try to understand everything that happened so far
That being said, I think the first problem with Spoony’s presence on the web is something that I don’t see many people discussing:
Here is the thing. I was not really sure of how much Spoony’s career had already existed before they started dating, but checking the dates, well, things got very interesting. His first video, Bayou Billy, was from January 2007. I’ll quote here the Channel Awesome Wiki’s page on Scarlett:
“Spoony and Scarlett began dating in October 2008*, and she became familiar with his videos and website shortly thereafter.”*
He had barely a career then. I believe he was getting a lot of hits, since I remember people complaining about his review of FFVIII, but he still lived with his parents (and I don’t really think his relationship with them was bearable for him; as much as he’s a dick, I have a feeling that they were much, much worse).
But the interesting part comes right now:
“That December*, as Christmas/birthday gift, she offered to redesign his website and help him set up advertising - thereby becoming the webmistress of SpoonyExperiment.com. She signed on as a forum admin in* January 2009*, and also became the designer and admin of WrestleWrestle.com, TSE's spin-off website which debuted in August 2010. Additionally, she created and maintain the official Facebook fan pages for both TSE and WW. As of September 2010, she has also taken on as-needed duties as a camera operator and makeup artist for future The Spoony Experiment videos.”*
If this quote is to be believed (and in the way it is worded, I have no reason to doubt anything here), Spoony gave the keys to his kingdom from someone he met 3 months earlier. She was the admin of the eintire site, including the forums, that were ruled by her iron fist, if I’m not mistaken. Due to how aggressive the takeover was, and how thing went down later, I really think there was something wrong with this relationship.
I am implying something here, of course. Let me just say this: I don’t think April was an abusive girlfriend, as many had claimed.
Everything may be conjecture thought, but we all know Spoony never really objected her decisions. He either couldn't, in a psychological sense, or didn’t care. When they broke up, Spoony just repeated what Scarlett did, banning everyone and turning off comments, perpetuating the circle of violence.
Interestingly, she was responsible for Spoony’s presence on Facebook, but not on Twitter. Huh.
They eventually broke up. It was a decision from Scarlett, I’m not sure exactly why, but Spoony’s world fell apart. He (very) quickly ordered a new website, since she was the webmistress. As this 8 year old post tells us:
“His depression can be seen in some of the few videos he put out in this time period, most notably his review of the Breaking Dawn Twilight movie. Linkara and Jew Wario are there on skype during the video, but as it goes on it seems they are doing a suicide watch of sorts.”
This is the first important part of his story, though. The worst was yet to come
The Spoony’s Meltdown
June 16, 2012. That’s the day the Channel Awesome changed forever. Obscurus Lupa provoked Spoony. Spoony had a mental breakdown that lasted for days.
I’ll go into a tangent for a second. I don’t think anyone really understands how badly that went, and I’m not talking necessarily about Spoony. That was the beginning of the end for everyone involved. Tgwtg just lost one of their most popular contributors. Two months later, Doug Walker would officially retire the Nostalgia Critic character. The (literal) main face of the website was gone, and the sites ratings, along with so many other factors, tanked. It’s debatable how much influence Spoony's meltdown had in page views, but judging by the Not So Awesome document, and the appearances of Spoony in other Nostalgia Critic episodes after the falling out, the administration of the site had found a scapegoat.
Having said that, let’s not mince words here. Alison actually provoked Spoony’s breakdown. No matter how much she or anyone else denis, she did made everything worse by commenting on that rape joke. Of course, it’s hard to remember that, because Spoony acted like a humongous asshole, and never recovered. I could say Alison should not having to suffer about this forever, but, years later, she tried desperately hard to cancel both Channel Awesome and Brad Jones, with no success, and still is complaining about the #changethechannel shitshow to this day, so I won’t defend her.
The important part of this whole situation is that Spoony actually went into a psychiatrist, and was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder 2. And that’s were thing started to get really bad, but not for the reasons you might think.
Searching (in vain) for help (The part where I actually talk about Psychology)
From everything we’ve seen right now, Spoony is a very complicated individual. He has a lot of unresolved traumas, had relationships with very toxic people, and a very, very waspy personality, two aspects that make any psychological treatment very difficult. He would need someone with a lot of tact to deal with him. And there’s a lot of things to be said here, and I actually had a long time to choose where to start.
As the title of this thread implies, I am not a Psychiatrist, I’m a Psychologist. Psychiatrists are medics that prescript medication and you only see once in a while, Psychologists meet the patient a lot more, generally one day per week, sometimes more, sometimes less. Not all patients need psychiatrist, nor all patients need psychologist. Spoony needs both, and his doctors never said it otherwise. And I’m not saying Spoony ignored, I really think they did not mention this need at all.
I read a long time ago an article on Cracked telling people the idea of a patient sitting in a chair to talk about his problems is not something that happens anymore, people just get some prescriptions and just go home. I couldn't find the article anymore, I hope to god it was taken down, but that’s how many people see mental health: as something you just need pills. I’ve met several doctors that just prescribe antidepressants for no reason at all, but I also found several that take the humane approach, both professionals working together.
His doctors? No. They do not. Why? A mixture of ego and incompetence. The first one I remember was a a tweet that he posted about a Psychiatrist forcing him to buying his book. That is way out of line. A lot of psychiatrists like to write books about their research, but I always find tacky when they force their books into their patients.
But, as bad as this is, this other example is shockingly worse.
Where. Do I. Start.
What kind of incompetent doctor lets that happen? Assuming its a group therapy, you do not start going this deeply in the first section. It actually takes a long fucking time to peel the layers. It’s the job of a therapist to prevent this. You don’t know anything about your patient! That is inexcusable.
The way I see it, that is the main problem with Spoony. His first mental health professionals were shockingly incompetent, and that made his traumas even worse. He has a lot of defense mechanisms, and he needs a competent (and patient) professional. He's not getting that, just getting assholes more worried with books than with making their patient feel better.
Of course, he still needs help. The question someone may be asking is, what can I do to make him better?
You should not try to do anything.
There is nothing you can do to help him. If you really want to help him, do not do anything.
If you want results, therapy is not something that you can force into someone. Deep inside, he actually knows he needs help. He has two defense mechanisms, his ass-holiness and his non-stop tweeting. He’s out of both. He may finally get help. Do not engage him. He is not felling helped by the fans who still support him. Their adoration is falling on deaf ears.
There’s a lot to be said about Spoony being a dick, a lot about people that managed to be even more dicks than him. But there’s a lot of ignorance on everybody’s side. I’ve read some stupid shit about mental health that just shows how ignorant some of you are. It’s not easy to him to get him back to work. As frustrated as a lot of you are, and I can sympathize with that, insulting him is not the solution. There is nothing anyone can do right now. We just have to wait.
If you really wanna help him, stop trolling, or try to stop the trolls. They are not helping, par from the course on the internet
TL;DR: Don’t interact with him. At all. That’s the only way he may get help
submitted by AmbitionCharming711 to thespoonyexperiment [link] [comments]

2020.08.02 07:53 burgercurious "The Tale of the Modern Legend"

Many people try to tempt the fates. They will look in a mirror at midnight and say the latest haunted name three times by candlelight. They will watch a video at the strike of 2:30 with baited breath that a spirit will jump out and get them. They will go to a cemetery on Halloween with a spirit board. Some go anticipating to be scared witless. Some go to prove that they are fearless. None ever truly know though what they would do if they were to come face to face with pure evil…this story is a warning to those who dare to dream the nightmare and those who decide to scoff at the devil. This is…The Tale of the Modern Legend.
Ian and Becky were your typical high schoolers in the days where the internet was at the peak of popularity. Their lives spent mostly in the digital realm rather than the real world. One bond they always shared was their love for spooky stories. They read with anticipation the newest creepy reposted story (or “Creepy Pasta”) online and relished the idea of making up a story as scary that could be reposted on blogs or social media for other readers to regale and leave quaking at their keyboards. Many times though…they failed miserably. They were still just a little too young to hatch their own stories quite as scary as the bizarre and quirky tales spread around on the internet.“…and it was then that…”“…right right…he turns out to be insane and he was actually the one harboring the trunks full of doll hair. C’mon, Ian! It’s too predictable! We’re going in circles! You can’t just watch one of your animes and hope that you can make it original…”Ian frowned “I showed you that one…?”Becky was ever the pessimist. She was always the more original of the thinkers between the two of them and she was the first one to introduce Ian to the world of internet ghost stories. “No, but if I can figure that this is just some Japanese cartoon rip-off then what makes you think that the trolls online won’t?”Ian threw his hands up. He knew that Becky was right but he still hated it. All he dreamed about was one day years from then seeing his story reposted everywhere and secretly knowing that he was the originator of the ghastly tale…and it seemed at every turn that Becky was ready to turn down that dream. He deleted his entire story and shrugged. “Well…what do we do then?”Becky tapped her lip and reasoned “Well…what makes a good bit of creepy pasta good? They are always rooted in some truth, they have some cool pictures to go with it, and there’s always a hook. So…why don’t we find some true stories in our area that are good and creepy and we’ll go, take some pictures, and put our own spin to it?”Becky searched on her phone while Ian searched on his laptop. They searched obituaries and news articles in their area until Ian found one he found delightfully gross and tragic. It was a story about a historic schoolhouse in their area where American Indian children were tortured (and some slain) for refusing to accept the puritanical teachings of the 1800s white Americans. It was perfect: It had history and it was a place they could easily go to and hopefully get inspiration for their soon-to-be viral sensation. They decided to go the next night.“I’m not so sure about this, Ian…what if we go there and there’s nothing to record? And what if this just seems played out like every other story?”“Becky, we skimmed all the other obituaries and stuff of dead kids and old farts croaking in rocking chairs. This is something different! We gotta try it!”The wind howled through the trees of the historic park. Although Ian and Becky knew the story of the slaughtered Native Americans, many were none-the-wiser and just figured the small schoolhouse was nothing more than just a historical fixture: Made of dark aged logs only barely kept stable by charity organizations who desired to keep the past alive. Becky got her cell phone out and began to take a few pictures. But, when she tried to take the pictures, none of them came out clear. Her phone’s camera lens kept becoming fogged with condensation. “It’s no good. It’s too humid out here. I can’t get a good picture.”Ian smiled mischievously “Well…we could go inside. It would probably be way spookier anyway! It’ll be perfect! WAIT! We’ll even take some video of it!”Becky and Ian agreed it would make for a far better spookier story if they took some video of the inside of the school house. They could then post it online under a single account and have the story linked to it! It was perfect! They were so proud of their developing tale they hardly thought twice about searching around the house for some way to get in (despite the NUMEROUS signs warning against trespassers). The door was nailed shut and the cellar door had a padlock on it. Luck seemed to be on their side though as they found a single window that was open. People in those days were much shorter so it was hardly a task to pull themselves up and roll into the dusty empty schoolhouse. The wood creaked and moaned at the intruders as Ian turned on his phone's flashlight and looked around. There were a few empty desks and a blackboard with nothing written on its dark surface. Becky turned on her cell phone camera and began recording as they walked around the school house in silence. There was a display case at the entrance that was nailed shut that she focused on as they seemed to work in sync with one another; following each other’s lead to try to make the “haunted footage” more believable. There was a plaque that read ‘May we always find peace that today education is a right and not just a privilege”. They once again looked to the blackboard before Becky suddenly screamed and turned off the phone’s video recording and made Ian jump. “What did you do that for?!”She laughed “That way, it will look as if something happened to us while we were in here. It’s perfect! C’mon I think we’ve got enough video. If we record too much, people won’t want to watch it all the way through.”Ian laughed and agreed but as they were heading to the window they heard in the dark silence of the empty schoolhouse “No! Wait! This can’t be happening! Someone help us! Please!” There was a terrible scream and that was all the two high schoolers needed to hear before they scrambled out the window. They ran back to their neighborhood through the woods and never looked back at the schoolhouse.When they caught their breath and saw the entrance to their neighborhood, they looked to each other giddy with excitement at what they just experienced. Only moments before their hearts were thundering in their chests but it was exactly why they were there in the first place-- to find a good ghost story rooted in truth! They didn’t know who the voice was although they were sad that they didn’t get it on recording, but they still knew that they had potent stuff for their story. They ran back to Ian’s house and worked together weaving their creepy story to post online.When they finished writing, they realized they needed a hook…something that would make kids like them run back to the same schoolhouse and try what they had just done. They decided, what better time than the time they themselves had done? They wrote as an ominous warning: All who would visit that schoolhouse on the 24th of February every year at 9:30 would never escape. They did all the legwork for the video posting it under a pseudonym on a streaming website and posted the story on an anonymous blog and waited eagerly for their story to gain notoriety. They thought for sure their post would be a viral hit in no time.Days went by and it seemed that they were no closer to internet fame than before. The story gained no hits and their video only a scant few people watching it (Aside from the times they themselves checked up on it. It would seem, their post was a dud. A few months later, Ian and Becky had forgotten about their misadventure…until one day they noticed their story had been reposted under a different name….and with something different added to it. The story was, more or less, the same. It was about two documentarians who went into a supposedly haunted schoolhouse and didn’t make it out alive. The story was linked to a streamed video. The main difference was the date had changed. It was no longer February 24th at 9:30 but it was September 19th at 9:30. They at first figured that it was no more than someone putting a slight twist on their original posting to make it spookier at the time of repost: The new date was only three days from the day they discovered it had been reposted. But then…they read the comments.“This has got to be fake but f\*** is it creepy! Especially the bit with the chalkboard!”“Dude…way weird. That is like a city over for me! Definitely going to have to check that out!”“How did they change the plaque…? That's vandalism if they get caught…”“Man…CHILLS when that voice called out! Way weird! And the faces?! Awesome creepy pasta! Repost +1!”Ian and Becky were confused by the comments. None of it made sense. There was nothing strange on the plaque, there was nothing on the chalkboard (although they did admit to shaking the camera a bit for effect…) and they didn’t see anything creepy on the plaque…and most concerning they thought they turned off the camera when they heard the cries for help. However, they decided to ignore it for a few days…they wanted to wait until the anniversary of the new date and take a look at the link to their video to see if anything had changed. They were ecstatic when September 19th arrived and saw their hits on the video had skyrocketed! Millions upon millions of hits!They turned off the lights and hit the play button on the website to revisit their video they had posted along with the millions of other thrill seekers and daredevils looking for a reason to not go to bed calmly that night. The video started off the same as they remembered before. The gritty video panned around the school house that was covered in dust; focusing every so often on Ian with his cell phone camera. Becky in the video went to go investigate the blackboard. Instead of a blank black chasm there was scrawled on the blackboard “We are the legend! We are the ghosts!” Things only grew more and more grim as Ian and Becky looked to one another in shock and saw on the plaque “The scariest stories are the ones that are true….*” Ian had seen enough as he went to go turn on the lights in his room only to find that the light switch wasn’t there. He went to turn on his cell phone flashlight but Becky screamed in the darkness and it was then they realized…they were no longer in his room.
They were in the schoolhouse.
He found his cellphone flashlight and turned it on to find several ghostly figures standing in the darkness. Becky screamed and hollered “No! Wait! This can’t be happening! Someone help us! Please!”The two looked to each other in horror as they recognized those very same words…and realized the voice they had actually heard that night. The horrifying faces in the video leered over them and Becky realized that she was holding her phone recording the phantoms as they loomed closer and closer… Ian cried out “We are the legend! We are the ghosts!” and all went dark as Ian and Becky realized…they wanted to write a horrifying story… and the scariest stories were always rooted in truth.
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2020.07.17 15:02 grigoritheoctopus Gravity's Rainbow Group Read Sections 22-25 Week 7

Slothrop's Hawaiian Shirt by Zak Smith (2006).
I just want to begin by thanking u/Bloomsdayclock for coordinating this endeavor, for all of the previous posts thus far, and for the enthusiastic interaction and scholarship that’s been happening in the comments for each post. This group read has rekindled my love for this book and is helping me understand it in so many different ways and in such greater depth that it's honestly like I’m reading a different book at this point. Also, kudos to each previous poster for creating a coherent post! The book is complex enough on its own but once you start going down the rabbit hole, sussing out the references, reading through some of the scholarship, etc., I almost found myself paralyzed by information overload (kinda feeling a bit like Charlie Kelly trying to figure out who “Pepe Silvia” is :) ). When this reading group started, I was like, “damn, I’m trying to read this insanely complex novel and the group posts are just as long, dense, and complex” and now I’ve gone and written some super long and dense post, too. To paraphrase either Blaise Pascal or Mark Twain (or Woodrow Wilson or apparently a rather large number of dead white guys from history): I would have written a shorter post if I’d had the time! Apologies in advance!
Anyways, this post will (attempt to) cover the start of the second section of the novel, Un Perm’ au Casino Hermann Goering. The events that transpire are zany and sinister, titillating and deeply sad. There is a mix of images both gorgeous and disgusting and much of the planning and plotting that took place at “The White Visitation” during the first section are starting to come to fruition in part deux. For each “Episode”, I will provide a general summary of the “action” and then some commentary and we’ll finish this post up with a few discussion questions. Let’s begin!
Episode 22
Slothrop is on furlough/leave at a casino in Monaco (from what I’ve read...I thought it was France before, still not completely sure) that’s been renamed in honor of the big fat slob that led Hitler’s air force during the war. He’s in paradise but wakes up “...[waiting] for a sudden noise to begin his day, a first rocket” (p. 181). His friend Tantivy Mucker-Maffick and a somewhat suspicious friend of his, Teddy Bloat (“[there’s] something about the way he talks to Slothrop, patronizing? Maybe nervous…” (p. 182)), are staying down the hall. They’re talking about meeting some girls but, as the first song of the section reminds us, Englishmen can be very shy. Slothrop is happy to help his “buddies” out, but tells them not to “expect [him] to put it in for [them]” (p. 183). Classic Slothrop!
Slothrop decides to wear a hideous (or amazing, depending on your sensibilities) genuine Hawaiian shirt that he received from his brother Hogan in the Pacific. The shirt seems to emit a glow (once he steps into the sun, it “blazes into a refulgent life of its own” (!) (p. 184), so Tantivy, “friend” that he is, tries to convince Slothrop to cover it up with scratchy Savile Row coat.
The trio hit the beach and the ladies are on them already. They’ve got food and booze and are ready for a nice day on the beach. The morning seems too good even for a bit of the “early paranoia”. And then Bloat ruins everything by drawing Slothrop’s attention to the woman down the beach being attacked by “the biggest fucking octopus Slothrop has ever seen outside of the movies”. Slothrop rushes off to intervene and, left without recourse, starts trying to bash the cephalopod on the head with a wine bottle to no avail. Thankfully, Bloat just happens to have a big, tasty crab on his person, which he tosses to Slothrop with the advice, “It’s hungry, it’ll go for the crab. Don’t kill it, Slothrop.” Slothrop uses the crab to bait away the animal from its current prey, noticing that it does not seem to be in good mental health. He eventually tosses the crab, like a discus, into the sea, and the octopus follows. The damsel has been saved, Slothrop is championed as a brave hero and his first thought is where in the fuck did that crab come from.
The exchange:
“Tantivy smiles and flips a small salute. “Good show!” cheers Teddy Bloat. “I wouldn’t have wanted to try that myself!”
“Why not? You had that crab. Saaay-where’d you get that crab?”
“Found it,” replies Bloat with a straight face. Slothrop stares at this bird but can’t get eye contact. What th’ fuck is going on?” (p. 187).
The damsel thanks Slothrop. Her ID bracelet identifies her as Katje Borgesius. Slothrop feels like he knows her and “...voices begin to take on a touch of metal, each word a hard-edged clap, and the light, though as bright as before, is less able to illuminate….it’s a Puritan reflex of seeking other orders behind the visible, also known as paranoia, filtering in…” (p. 188). How does Slothrop deal with this? By dividing up his present company into a dichotomy: the increasingly drunk Tantivy, “a messenger from Slothrop’s innocent, pre-octopus past” flirting with the girls and Bloat, “perfectly sober, mustache unruffled, regulation uniform [on the fucking beach!], watching [him] closely” (p. 188). And then there’s Katje, who, with her glance, makes Slothrop think she knows something (what?), asking him “Did you know all the time about the octopus? I thought so because it was so like a dance-all of you” (p. 188). Well, fuck me! Katje then tells “Little Tyrone” to be “very careful” and that “Perhaps, after all, we were meant to meet…” (p. 189). Now that’s a “meet cute” for ya!
  1. Is the casino fully owned and controlled by Them at this point (is César Flebótomo (Spanish for “sandfly”) a(n) (un)willing patsy in Their employ?). Is it the “lab” for this “phase” of the Slothrop experiment. Or is it just secured enough to ensure the results of the experiment aren’t tainted by some unforeseen variable/interference?
  2. Teddy Bloat seems like a purposeful pun in reference to the bureaucracy of government/intel agencies
  3. Tantivy Mucker-Maffick’s name is also filled with meaning
  4. Songs are one way that Pynchon fills his book with “the language of the preterite”, a term from Weisenburger used to describe the “slang, underworld cant, songs, games, folk-genres, and material culture” used by Pynchon to pit “open, unsanctioned, and “low” languages” against the “closed, orthodox, privileged language of a culture”. This idea is expanded on by literary critic/philosopher Mikhail Bakhtin who notes that the “heteroglossic” aspect of novels allows them to be radical, open-ended artworks filled with a variety of voices that each embody a particular time and place (his term for this idea is a “chronotope”).
  5. The whole episode is just soaked in paranoia, from beginning to end. Whatever Slothrop thought he thought he was feeling in Section 1 has been taken up a notch. He senses a plot but keeps playing along.
  6. Is “Borgesius” a tribute to J.L. Borges?
  7. “Little Tyrone” echoes “Baby Tyrone” from Jamf’s experiments and maybe is supposed to make us realize that while the antics in this episode could possibly be construed as a “loss” of Slothrop’s “innocence” that was actually taken from him as a baby.
Episode 23
Dr. Porkyevitch (“Porky the pig”?) and “Grisha” (“[frisking] happily in his special enclosure”) stare back at the “blazing bijou” of the Casino from their ship, contemplating their future now that they may no longer be of use to Pointsman, yearning for traces of the Russia they’ve been exiled from.
To the casino: Katje is a vision in shades of green and is escorted by a two-star general and a brigadier. Is it Pudding? RHIP :) Slothrop and Tantivy in the dining room. Slothrop raises the “The Ballad of Tantivy Mucker-Maffic” to get the room singing of his friend’s drunken exploits so that he can speak to Katje who uses the cacophony to invite him to her room after midnight!
Slothrop then probes his buddy to see if he notices anything funny going on. Tantivy brushes him off a bit (“there’s always, you know, an element of Slothropian paranoia to contend with…”(p. 192)) but then concedes that the bastard Bloat is receiving coded messages. Ha! And it turns out Bloat has become a bit of a different man over the last few years, something more than being “Blitz rattled”. He’s also warned Tantivy away from Katje (“I’d stay clear of that one if I were you” (p. 193)) and Tantivy feels used by Bloat (“being tolerated for as long as he can use me” (p. 193)). The encounter ends with Tantivy telling Slothrop to be careful and, should he need help, he’ll be there for him.
At midnight, Slothrop leaves for his rendezvous with Ms. Borgesius, “ascending flights of red-carpeted stairway (Welcome Mister Slothrop Welcome To Our Structure We Hope You Will Enjoy Your Visit Here)” (p. 194). Arriving, he teases her about her date at dinner and then about their slightly sinister “meet cute” while examining her closet which is absolutely filled to the brim with a variety of outfits. The “Too Soon To Know (Fox-Trot)” before they get down to it. As he is undressing her, he notices “...the moonlight only whitens her back, and there is a still a dark side, her ventral side, her face, than he can no longer see, a terrible beastlike change coming over muzzle and lower jaw, black pupils growing to cover the entire eye space till whites are gone and there’s only the red animal reflection when the light comes to strike no telling when the light-” (p. 196). Yikes! As they fuck, she wonders if his “careful technique” is for her or “wired into the Slothropian Run-together they briefed her on”. Either way, “she will move him, she will not be mounted by a plastic shell” (p. 196-197).
Then, a slapstick fight with a seltzer bottle (planted by Them?) that has Slothrop looking for a banana cream pie to toss (classic!) after which they fall asleep, lying like two Ss. In the morning, their post-coital bliss is interrupted as Little Tyrone is rudely awakened by the sound of someone robbing his pants in the room next door. He chases after the thief, first naked, then dressed in a purple satin bedsheet. As he’s chasing, from way down the hallway, “a tiny head appears around a corner, a tiny hand comes out and gives Slothrop the tiny finger” (p. 199). Haha! He chases the thief up a tree only to have the tree cut down while he’s in it. The thief escapes and Bloat and some general find Slothrop a mess.
Bloat takes Slothrop to his room where, “every stitch of clothing he owns is gone, including his Hawaiian shirt. What the fuck. Groaning, he rummages in the desk. Empty. Closets empty. Leave papers, ID, everything, taken… Hogan’s shirt bothers him most of all” (p. 201). Nobody knows where Tantivy’s gone off to. Bloat gives Slothrop a uniform (“a piece of Whitehall on the Riviera” (p. 201)) which doesn’t fit but the book advises, “Live wi’ the way it feels mate, you’ll be in it for a while” (p. 201). Slothrop ponders the meaning of the architecture and design of his surrounds, but “shortly, unpleasantly so, it will come to him that everything in this room [The Himmer-Spielsaal, no less] is being used from something different. Meaning things to Them it has never meant to us. Never. Two orders of being, looking identical….but, but….” (p. 202). THE WORLD OVER THERE. Against this realization Slothrop issues the only spell he knows, a defiant “Fuck You”. Walking, rainstorm, entertainment at the casino, no one has seen the dancing girls from the drunken breakfast, Slothrop is “finding only strangers where he looks” before freaking out in the casino, then getting wet in the rain, then returning to Katje, the only place he knew to come.
  1. I love “The Ballad of Tantivy Mucker-Maffic” and would like to write a similar tune about the inebriated shenanigans committed by my best friend and I during college.
  2. The bit about Oxford and Harvard not really existing to educate was a nice touch (p. 193)
  3. “Snazzy” is an “Americanism” in the 40s! (p. 195).
  4. Slothrop ponders an impending loss of innocence (but, again, it seems like that has already happened). He has nothing and no one in a foreign country and the sensation that his life is being purposefully, possibly nefariously influenced by forces he can vaguely perceive. “It’s here that saturation hits him, it’s all this playing games, too much of it, too many games: the nasal, obsessive voice of a croupier he can’t see...is suddenly speaking out of the Forbidden Wing directly to him, and about what Slothrop has been playing against the invisible House, perhaps after all for his soul, all day - terrified, he turns, turns out into the rain again where the electric lights of the Casino, in full holocaust, are glaring off the glazed cobbles.” And then, “How did this all turn against him so fast? His friends old and new, every last bit of paper and clothing connecting him to what he’s been, have just, fucking, vanished. How can he meet this with any kind of grace?” (p. 205)
  5. The word “holocaust” is used quite a bit in this story
  6. Setting this all in the casino is a nice touch: there is the illusion of chance and luck in a casino but the house always wins.
  7. The juxtaposition of the comic (seltzer fight) with the tragic (Slothrop alone, trying to understand what’s happening) heightens both effects.
Episode 24
They wake up with Katje calling slothrop a pig, which responds to by oinking. At breakfast, he is taking a refresher course in technical German and learning about The Rocket. His tutor, Sir Stephen Dodson-Truck (who speaks 33 languages!) aiding his understanding of German circuit schematics by way of ancient German runes. Slothrop understands immediately that Dodson-Truck is in on the plot but not sure how (“There are times when Slothrop can actually find a clutch mechanism between him and Their iron-cased engine far away up a power train whose shape and design he has to guess at, a clutch he can disengage, feeling then all his inertia of motion, his real helplessness… it is not exactly unpleasant, either. Odd thing. He is almost sure that whatever They want, it won’t mean risking his life, or even too much of his comfort. But he can’t fit any of it into a pattern, there’s no way to connect somebody like Dodson-Truck with somebody like Katje…. The real enemy’s somewhere back in that London anyways” (p. 207).
Back in the Himmler-Spielsaal: “in the twisted gilt playing-room his secret motions clarify for him, some. The odds They played here belonged to the past, the past only. Their odds were never probabilities, but frequencies already observed. It’s the past that makes demands here. It whispers, and reaches after, and sneering disagreeably, gooses its victims.
When they choose numbers, red, black, odd, even, what did They mean it? What Wheel did They set in motion?
Back in a room, early in Slothrop’s life, a room forbidden to him now, is something very bad. Something was done to him and it may be that Katje knows what. Hasn’t he, in her “futureless look,” found some link to his own past, something that connects them closely as lovers?” (p. 208-209). “It is a curve each of them feels, unmistakably. It is the parabola.”
No more news from London or Achtung. Bloat is gone now, too. Sir Stephen and Katje with their identical Corporate Smiles to dazzle him while they rob his identity. But! “He lets it happen” (p. 210).
Slothrop is getting hardons after his rocket study sessions and then goes looking for relief with Katje. Sir Stephen appears to be timing these erections! So, Slothrop gets the smart idea to get him drunk via a drinking game and many, many people end up getting sloshed on some high class bubbly. Half the room is singing the “Vulgar Song”. Slothrop and Sir Steve get pretty hammered and start walking through a nice sunset, where Slothrop sees robed figures, hundreds of miles tall, on the horizon. Sir Stephen informs Slothrop that he’s got “potency issues” (which makes him the perfect observer for Slothrop’s sexual misadventures… “no nasty jissom getting all over their reports, you know” (p. 216)). He’s about to tell Slothrop the secret of “The Penis He Thought Was His Own”...
...but then starts waxing nostalgic about Sir Stephen’s son and his wife, Nora and her “Ideology of the Zero”. An interlude with Eventyr, Sachsa, Leni… “but where will Leni be now? Either we didn’t mean to lose her - either it was an ellipsis in our care, in what some of us even swear is our love, or someone has taken her, deliberately, for reasons being kept secret, and Sachsa’s death is part of it too” (p. 218). More on Sachsa’s death.
Then, Sir Stephen vanishes (“but not before telling Slothrop that his erections of high interest to Fitzmaurice House”). Katje is pissed that Slothy got Sir Steve drunk enough to dish on the plot. They fight and then fuck. More rocket study sessions. The rocket taking off looks like a peacock, def pfau. Slothrop pressing for more information, Katje rebuffing, warning/advising“Oh, Slothrop… You don’t want me. What they’re after may, but you don’t. No more than A4 wants London. But I don’t think they know...about other selves...yours or the Rocket’s. No more than you do. If you can’t understand it now, at least remember. That’s all I can do for you” (p. 224).
Then, “They go back up to her room again: cock, cunt, the Monday rain at the windows” (p. 224) (Oh, Tom, you romantic!). And finally, a bit of kazoo music, a final night together, and Katje disappears, too.
  1. Slothrop makes an important connection to his childhood and wonders if Katje knows about it/whether she’s with him because of it (ol’ Pynch even manages to work in the rocket, too!): “You were in London while they were coming down. I was in ‘s Gravenhage while they were going up. Between you and me is not only a rocket trajectory but also a life. You will come to understand that between the two points, in the five minutes, it lives an entire life. You haven’t even learned the data on our side of the flight profile, the visible or trackable. Beyond them there’s so much more, so much none of us know” (p. 209).
  2. More on the import of setting the action in the Casino: “The Forbidden Wing. Oh, the hand of a terrible croupier is that touch on the sleeves of his dreams: all his life of what has looked free or random, is discovered to’ve been under some Control, all the time, the same as a fixed roulette wheel-where only destinations are important, attention is to long-term statistics, not individuals: and where the House does, of course, keep turning a profit…” (p. 209).
  3. A beautiful passage: “‘Holy shit.” This is the kind of sunset you hardly see any more, a 19th-century wilderness sunset...this anachronism in primal red, in yellow purer than can be found anywhere today, a purity begging to be polluted...of course Empire took its way westward, what other way was there but into those virgin sunsets to penetrate and to foul” (p. 214). Always dualities in this book.
  4. “A pornography of blueprints” (p. 224). is a nice turn of phrase.
  5. Foreshadowing: “She has her hair combed high today in a pompadour, her fair eyebrows, plucked to wings, darkened, eyes rimmed in black, only the outboard few lashes missed and left blond.
  6. Connection to Nabokov: I really do think “Signs and Symbols” influenced this novel. Lines like this, “Here it is again, that identical-looking Other World - is he gonna have this to worry about, now? What th’ - lookit these trees - each long frond hanging, stuny, dizzying, in laborious dry point against the sky, each so perfectly placed…” (p. 225) remind me so much of the atmosphere in the story (itself about paranoia (“referential mania”)). This is a key excerpt from the Nabokov ditty: “In these very rare cases the patient imagines that everything happening around him is a veiled reference to his personality and existence. He excludes real people from the conspiracy - because he considers himself to be so much more intelligent than other men. Phenomenal nature shadows him wherever he goes. Clouds in the staring sky transmit to one another, by means of slow signs, incredibly detailed information regarding him. His inmost thoughts are discussed at nightfall, in manual alphabet, by darkly gesticulating trees. Pebbles or stains or sun flecks form patterns representing in some awful way messages which he must intercept. Everything is a cipher and of everything he is the theme.” Obviously this guy is, uh, slightly more clinical, but I still think the atmosphere/tone is similar between the two.
Episode 25
We begin this episode with a Pavlov lecture about the physiological symptoms of hysteria and one of Pointsman’s poems (which he never shows to anyone). Then to the “White Visitation” chaps (Pointsman, Grunton, Throwster, Groast) rumor-mongering about their future. Things are looking bleak. Pudding might cut off funding, “Slothrop’s knocked out Dodson-Truck and the girl in one day” (p. 227), and Sir Steven’s got the P.M.’s son-in-law making embarrassing inquiries. But Pointsman is calm. Very calm. In fact, “[b]y facing squarely the extinction of his program, he has gained a great bit of Wisdom: that if there is a life force operating in Nature, still there is nothing so analogous in bureaucracy. Nothing so mystical. It all comes down, as it must, to the desires of individual men. Oh, and women too, of course, bless their empty little heads. But survival depends on having strong enough desires - on knowing the System better than the other chap, and how to use it. It’s work, that’s all it is, and there’s no room for any extrahuman activities - they only weaken, effeminize the will: a man either indulges them, or fights to win, und so weiter” (p. 230). And then we find out that Pointman’s figured out how to play Pudding to keep his support (more on that in a bit…) as he’s figured out Treacle, Groast, and Throwster, how to use them and manipulate them to get what he wants. What a fucking devious guy!
Webley Silvernail sticks around after the meeting and imagines the lab animals putting on a beguine performance of a song called “Pavlovia” (right after this realization by Silvernail: “From overhead, from a German camera-angle, it occurs to Webley Silvernail, this lab here is also a maze...but who watches from above, who notes their reponses?” (p. 229)). And it’s all song and dance for a bit but since it’s Pynchon, it’s followed by an incredible poignant/tragic moment of clarity: “They have had their moment of freedom. Webley has only been a guest start. Now it’s back to the cages and the rationalized forms of death-death in the service of the one species cursed with the knowledge that it will die…. “I would set you free, if I knew how. But it isn’t free out here. All the animals, the plants, the minerals, even other kinds of men, are being broken and reassembled every day, to preserve an elite few, who are the loudest to theorize on freedom, but the least free of all. I can’t even give you hope that it will be different someday - that They’ll come out, and forget death, and lose Their technology’s elaborate terror, and stop using every other form of life without mercy to keep what haunts men down to a tolerable level - and be like you instead, simply here, simply alive….” The guest star retires down the corridors” (p. 230). What a soliloquy. [Tangent: almost 50 years later, how prescient is this passage?! This little monologue filled me with so many conflicting emotions: hope (because humans like Pynchon exist to dream this stuff up) and also dread because this paragraph describes a fundamental aspect and egregious flaw (or flaws) in human nature. Reading and re-reading this passage depresses me a little (hence my question about mental health below).
Now Pudding is sneaking about the bowels of “The White Visitation”. He heads past the cells of loonies on his way to a secret rendezvous. It seems like Pointsman may have drugged him at some point to get at hidden desires. We watch as our dear old Brigadier putters from room-to-room, finding items left for him by Pointsman that mock him and describe his descent into a personal hell (for info on the symbolism, the Weisenburger book is quite helpful).
In the final room, Pudding drops to his knees at the feet of his Domina Nocturna (with “her blond hair...tucked and pinned beneath a thick black wig”... “naked except for a long sable cape and black boots with court heels” (p. 233)). Pudding is thinking of the night they first met. He saw “her” “...through the periscope, underneath a star shell that hung in the sky, he saw her….and though he was hidden, she saw Pudding. Her face was pale, she was dressed all in black, she stood in No-man’s Land, the machine guns raked their patterns all around her, but she needed no protection. “They knew you, Mistress. They were your own.
And so were you” (p. 233).
And then he offers her a “nice” memory of a legion of Franco’s troops killing and getting killed at a massacre at Badajoz for which he is “rewarded” with her beating and then pissing and shitting in his mouth… … … …
However off-putting this may be for some (most), it does something for Pudding. He needs pain. “They have stuffed paper illusions and military euphemisms between him and this truth, this rare decency, this moment at her scrupulous feet….no it’s not guilt here, not so much as amazement - that he could have listened to so many years of ministers, scientists, doctors each with his specialized lies to tell, when she was here all the time, sure in her ownership of his failing body, his true body: undisguised by uniform, uncluttered by drugs to keep from him her communiqués of vertigo, nausea and pain. Above all, pain. The clearest poetry, the endearment of greatest worth…” (p. 234-235).
Munching down on a hot turd makes Pudding think of the horrible smells of his service during WWI: putrid mud, rot, death, “...the sovereign smell of their first meeting, and her emblem” (p. 235). After eating her shit, he jerks off (his release), in a style that Domina Nocturna has learned from watching Captain Blicero and Gottfriend (at this point, it is safe to say, Domina Nocturna is Katje. Will we ever be able to look at her the same?).
Pudding is then dismissed to “...a late-night cup of broth, routine papers to sign, a dose of penicillin that Pointsman has ordered him to take, to combat the effects of E. Coli” (p. 236). So thoughtful, that Pointsman...
  1. The Silvernail hallucination/phantasmagoria seems like something straight out of “The Big Lebowski” had Jodorowsky had a bit of influence over the Coen Bros. art direction. Many of the songs in this section feel “Lebowski-esque” but this one especially so to me. Maybe its the detailed choreographic notes: “They dance in flowing skeins. The rats and mice form circles, curl their tails in and out to make chrysanthemum and sunburst patterns, eventually all form into the shape of a single giant mouse, at whole eye Silvernail poses with a smile” (p. 230).
  2. The Franco bit is a nice way of linking facism and death worship
  3. Pudding eating Domina Nocturna’s shit really, to quote an earlier passage, gave “de wrinkles in mah brain a process!”. There is so much symbolism there! Instead of ascending to heaven, Pudding heads down to hell. We have so many dualities linked in the act: between young and old, sacred and profane, pleasure and pain, pleasure through pain, WWI and WW2, man and woman, life and death, the general as a slave, even the food transformed through Katje into waste, all linked through the act of eating shit. For a moment they are linked so intimately, so delicately. No parabolas, a circle. And, of course, there’s also the diabolical Pointsman in the background, pulling the strings and manipulating to keep Pudding in line. I remember reading this for the first time and just being shocked and confused and now reading it again and finding so much meaning. That ol’ Pynchon is a devious bastard, hiding such loaded symbolism in such an obscene encounter. The Pulitzer committee had no idea what was coming for them!
So, if you’ve reached this point, congratulations and I am sorry! Here are my discussion questions. Looking forward to future posts!
Discussion Questions Both On Topic and Tangential
  1. Why is paranoia described as a “Puritan reflex” in Episode 22?
  2. In Episode 23, as Slothrop peruses Katje’s extensive wardrobe, what is the significance of the line, “Aha! wait a minute, the operational scent in here is carbon tet, Jackson, and this wardrobe here’s mostly props” (p. 195)?
  3. In Episode 24, what’s the significance of “the watchmen of world’s edge”? Is this an intrusion of the spirit world? Is Slothrop just hallucinating?
  4. In Episode 24, when Peter Sachsa gets the blow to the temple from Schutzmann Jöche, why is his last thought, “How beautiful!” (p. 220)
  5. In Episode 25, there’s a line in the part where Pudding is sneaking around: “A voice from some cell too distant for us to locate intones:...” (p. 231). Why us here? Why the change in perspective?
  6. How’s this book affecting everyone’s mental health (you know, given that we’re in the end times right now)? Seriously, though, there are times when this book makes me so happy to be alive and proud of humanity and also times where it depresses the everloving shit out of me and makes me think that, as a species, we’re doomed to continue making the same mistakes, over and over again, until we end up destroying ourselves.
  7. In a similar vein, do you think people as prodigiously talented and brilliant as Pynchon have any responsibility to counter the evil they see in the world? Is writing books enough or should they do more (lead, teach, etc.) to fight against the awful things they are able to see before the rest of us do?
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2020.07.06 11:25 sinenox More thoughts on suicidality

I was typing up another of my obnoxiously long comment replies and realized that it might be better to just post for once. This is a continuation of u/ccfccp914 's post yesterday, which I thought was well-written and made some good points. If you want to skip to the meat of my argument, it's italicized below.
As a zebra myself (a person with a rare disease who required over a decade of testing to get a diagnosis), I am loathe to reduce the experience of individuals to statistics. But as someone who went through QPR certification to be an online suicide interventionist at the first online hotline, and who has talked down and involuntarily committed more than my share of people, I am also really interested in the literature on suicidality. Setting aside for the moment the question of whether Maura's situation could more easily be attributed to accidental injury after all, by some definitions, here is my personal opinion on the suicide hypothesis.
The paper that was referenced in the third point of the previous post is one of my favorites. It was a study that only looked at successful suicides across patients who presented at hospital emergency departments, iirc, and the variables that were found to correlate most with successful suicide attempts (after accounting for confounding effects) were hungemissed meals, exhaustion/missed sleep, ingestion of alcohol, and previous attempts at suicide. When I was researching suicide many years ago, I also found that data particularly compelling, although I am not even remotely close to any kind of expert in this field. I can see how Maura's status at the time of her disappearance fits with at least one of these criteria, and likely more, the addition of which would put her into a dangerous situation, if temporarily so. But while I think this is interesting and very useful data, I don't think that suicide makes a lot of sense in Maura's case. I know a lot of people will disagree with me, but I wanted to provide some context to explain my reasoning.
I want to bring up another relatively new feature of the literature on suicidality: the concept of preparation as a component of ideation. There have been a lot of breakthroughs in the last few decades. For example, we now know that asking a person about whether they're suicidal doesn't increase the risk of suicidality; we know that suicide prevention technology works (when stopped by nets for example, people don't just go find another bridge to jump off of, they just don't jump), and that social contracts can be very successful in changing the course of a suicide attempt (I'm too lazy to cite all of these, but can provide the refs if anyone wants them). One of the things that I've found most interesting about recent literature, is the recognition that having a plan (that is, "I'm going to shoot myself in the head with Dad's gun", or "I'm going to hang myself at this time/date/location with this belt") actually indicates a different stage of ideation, to the extent that when evaluating whether a person is suicidal, I have never seen a protocol that doesn't involve specifically asking 1. whether the person has a plan, and 2. what the details of that plan are. Preparation, in the form of a plan, is considered a more advanced state of suicidality, carrying higher associated risks. This really began to be explored in Joiner, Rudd, & Rejab, 1997, using an Army cohort, where they found that a plan was more predictive of severe suicidality than any other variable assessed, and the data has only improved since. That's not to say that people can't just impulsively blow their head off, for example. Certainly that happens, and is strongly assisted by the variables mentioned in the previous paragraph. But generally, you have to overcome your innate and biological aversions to harm (just like when you start certain substance use for example), and the existence of hesitation marks, lingering, practice, and other common features of presuicidal behavior serves to demonstrate that working up to it tends to be a process. The 'plan' is a part of that process, even if some rush through this step. There are many tools that can be used by an interventionist to avert suicide, for example trying to enhance protective factors (pets or other responsibilities, social connections, pleasurable life experiences, etc), but knowing 'the plan' can give you a real leg-up when trying to find a way to intervene. (For anyone interested specifically in college students, Clum & Yang, 1995 is a great look at the role of preparation in a patient cohort entirely composed of college kids and was another early paper to explore this topic.)
My point in rambling about all of this is just to say that, to the best of our knowledge, Maura didn't have a plan. There isn't evidence that I know of, of suicidal ideation beyond the norm for the average stressed college kid, and certainly not of advanced ideation (internet searches on poisonings or similar, would be an example), and I think it's more or less acknowledged that if she did commit suicide, it was based on acute situational stress. It's worth pointing out that this is not known to be a well documented cause of suicide, and in fact many suicidal people will get themselves out of acutely stressful/survival situations and then go on to actively commit suicide later, usually in private or in a specific spot selected ahead of time, as opposed to passively allowing something to take their life. (Particularly women, for whom suicide can be about self determination. This is a personal observation based on eating disorder studies that I don't have refs for.) Even people who commit "suicide by cop" are participating, usually setting up a altercation where they are an active, armed aggressor. Passive suicide is difficult and usually not spontaneous, although certainly there isn't much literature on the subject. Most women commit suicide by poisoning or drowning, in the US among women Maura's age, mostly they choose to die by suffocation/drowning, followed by poisoning, so without a plan you would need to account for the necessary supplies in this case. In the US only ~1,300 people die annually from cold exposure, so I guess if you're interested in statistics, I wonder how it is you account for suicide in this case? One must imagine that it's a serious minority of freezing deaths that are suicides, wiki only lists 4 known suicides by freezing, not that it's exhaustive. My point is, she could hardly run to a store for tylenol once she was in the accident, and there isn't great evidence that she reached the river. Unless she already had a plan in place and was fairly advanced on the suicidality spectrum (which I haven't seen evidence for), and had the necessary equipment (pills, a garrotte of some kind) it just doesn't strike me as likely. I don't intend this to be challenging, I am genuinely just interested in different hypotheses.
Here is an excerpt from Greene & Alys' Missing Persons: A Handbook of Research, from the "Searching for Missing Persons at Risk of Suicide" section:
"Gibb and Woolnough (2007) propose that individuals will choose a suicide location based on practical (convenience or need for a body of water to drown) or personal reasons (the location has a personal significance). Stevenson et al. (2013) interviewed individuals who had been missing and found that some who intended to commit suicide had decided on a specific (usually familiar) location which on occasion had been chosen some time previously (for example, when planning earlier suicide attempts). Others went to a familiar location but had not necessarily planned to go there specifically. If an individual has decided to attempt suicide, they may try to evade searchers. For example, previously missing individuals who were intent on suicide (interviewed by Stevenson et al., 2013) said that they wore dark clothing to avoid drawing attention at night. This should be considered when searching for the missing person."
Anecdotally, I have never encountered a suicide attempt where a person did not seek out a familiar place to commit suicide, and we know that playing the scenario out mentally many times over is an important preparatory step that many people use, which necessitates a known location. However, there are SAR cases of despondents going into national parks or other known but not-previously-visited regions, so I cede that it's technically possible. Edited to add this link in case anyone is interested in reading about one of the weirder stories of a despondent SAR search.
As easy as it is to find risk factors in her week leading up to the disappearance, there are also so many common ones that she's missing. As far as I know, she wasn't suddenly upbeat or cheerful, or more social than usual. She wasn't talking about death or suicide regularly, or preoccupied with death as a concept. Her appearance hadn't noticeably changed. She wasn't reaching out to people she didn't usually talk to (older relatives for example) or saying goodbye to people, and this one you can see for yourself in the telephone records. She wasn't giving her property away. I'm not saying that the absence of this stuff is necessarily meaningful, but I just wanted to put it in a broader context as exists in my mind, so that others can compare. It could be argued that she was acting more recklessly, and was involved in multiple serious accidents, which is a known warning sign. She may have been having substance abuse issues, or engaged in other self-destructive behavior. I think the presence of alcohol without plans to meet up with someone is likely the best argument for possible suicidal thinking. She may have been more withdrawn, or had poorer recent school performance? I can't speak to those things, but they're the only boxes I can tic, here. I wouldn't claim that we have enough data to say what her mindset or risks were, but to me, with the evidence I've seen, it doesn't add up. There's no note, no evidence that she suffered most of the comorbid conditions or suffered from suicidality that I know of, no evidence of planning in terms of her clothing or preparations aside from her room being packed, and you can't hide your own body. Even if you were to fill out a triage form, most of it would be blank, we know the "why now" but we're missing everything else. I would much more readily believe that she passed away due to misadventure, than suicide, based on what I've presented here, but I'm interested in other opinions. Sorry for the long post.
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2020.07.06 04:14 Leamhnachd 35 Going On 36 M Unsure if He is Hopeless or Would Prefer Find a Way to Cease Hoping

I am nearly thirty-six years old and more than a mere virgin, I am wholly without romantic experiences. I have never been on a date and not even endeavored to do so, but for almost a decade the idea has persisted in my mind. I am socially incompetent, might be asexual, am childish about sexuality regardless and can’t be comfortable with my place in the hierarchy of attraction. I think that I have poor prospects for romance, but clearly lack the information to really know that. I cannot avoid thinking that it would be best if by some miracle I could excise the whole notion from my mind, which is not so strange to me as until I was twenty seven or so, the idea was alien to me.
I will try to explain my circumstances. It’s really grotesquely long, feel free to castigate me for that or ignore it. This might all just be a means of catharsis, liking punching a pillow, because that works so well. If anybody were ever to connect this to me, I would be very embarrassed and ashamed, which I’m talented at, but the splendid anonymity of the internet allows one to be shameless and self-indulgent,
My Personal Characteristics I am a poor physical specimen and a perhaps just-better-than-mediocre intellectual and economic one. I am a white male who will reach his thirty-sixth birthday in a few months. I have rust-red hair, but aside from my beard, which I generally keep well-trimmed, it has been thinning perceptibly for around eight years. I am of unimpressive height at 5’ 8” (1.73 meters) and fat (approximately 225 pounds [102 kilograms)), although that is mitigated slightly by my being relatively broad-shouldered. I used to be much worse, with my worst recorded weight being 306 pounds (139 kilograms), although I might have been worse at some point that I did not measure. I did manage to diminish myself to 172 pounds (78 kilograms) a few years ago, but that did not hold, as my reported current weight testifies to. I have pretty nice ice-blue eyes, at least.
I hold a bachelor’s degree and master’s degree in public administration respectively from a third-tier public university and its much better-regarded graduate school. I live in a northeastern city, but probably not the one that you’re thinking of. Consequently, I enjoy a pretty comfortable, but not exceptional, annual income around $ 75,000 (€66,699) annually and have no debt, aside from my credit card balance, which I pay in full monthly. I work in the public sector, so I enjoy relatively good medical insurance and a defined-benefit pension. I also have an individual retirement account and small investment account. My department director and immediate manager seem content with my work, although I think that I could be doing significantly better, but as I am part of a department that brings funding into the organization and is understaffed, I believe that I am relatively safe from termination. (I’m a public employee, but not in the civil service, so I am formally an at-will employee)
I also don’t drive, which I gather counts against me in the estimation of some. I am licensed to, but shockingly, having been able to drive slowly about a few well-mannered side roads near a suburban strip mall a parallel park half-convincingly does not in fact demonstrate actual skill and temperament to operate two tons of explosion-powered metal and plastic. I don’t like driving, or cars generally, and cannot do so safely. I also enjoy not having to bear the risks, expenses or nuisance of having an automobile while also enjoying walking or using transit. (I have a lot of complaints against transit service in the United States, but that’s another set of tirades)
My Personality I’m… eccentric? These aspects are always difficult to really explain. I can confidently say that I’m pathologically introverted. The current ‘lockdown’ is almost pleasant for me. For the time being, my usual habits of rarely leaving my apartment and avoiding people in public are normal. I’m able to be cordial and, most of all, polite to strangers, but I rarely talk to them unless I have a practical need to do so in a well-defined manner, which is chiefly store clerks. Paradoxically, I enjoy dressing in a way that attracts attention: I always wear a hat, which is indeed the dreaded fedora, and a suit when in public. These are all high-quality pieces that fit me well, but I know that it’s damned peculiar. (Shortly before lockdown began, a man that passed me on the street asked to take a picture of me in my dark green three-piece suit and navy lord’s hat, which I obliged, then asked if I had an, “insta,” which I do not.) It’s a weird conflict where two very fundamental internal impulses are at odds with one another. I also tend to be very self-deprecating and am a very ‘low ego’ sort of person whose highest value often seems to be making as little noise as possible.
I sometimes try to smoke myself out into sociability, but this rarely succeeds. I’ve attended a few ‘repeal day’ parties at a local distillery where my anachronistic dress is almost apropos and I enjoy the atmosphere, but mostly lurk uncomfortably at the edges of the crowd, obliging the odd stranger with courteous conversation, but never inducing human interaction myself. I never know what to say and always feel sheepishly ashamed of my sheer oddness. I always feel as though other people, especially women, have the social equivalent of shields derived from phase one of the suspensor nullification effect, with me lacking the finesse and aptitude to penetrate them. (This is a reference to Dune, incidentally, especially David Lynch’s fascinatingly unsuccessful film adaptation, which should really drive something about what I’m like home)
I naturally feel without anybody trying to impose it upon me as though I am unequal to others, like a child who is to speak only when spoken to and never to bother the grown-ups. When full-fledged people deign to speak to me, I often am at a loss for anything to say, incompetent at doing so, as though fighting not to simply collapse dead on the floor, much less be engaging or pleasant. I can sometimes be quite funny and relaxed, but it tends to require a comfort with somebody that takes time for me to develop and is not always feasible. Even if I am able to approximate full and equal humanity, I am always wary of saying something odd, boring or offensive and fixate endlessly long afterward over any missteps that I might have made. In the odd case that my social misadventures see some success, I often find them gratifying in the moment, but a source of insecurity and anxiety for days, even years after. Last December my manager, whom I do work well with and who relies upon me given our shortness of staff, treated me to cigars and drinks, followed by dinner with him and his wife that I mostly enjoyed, but felt very unsure about afterward.
I further tend to be very reserved in general. There is no aspect of myself or life that I feel comfortable and confident in sharing. I don’t like the idea of anybody worrying about me or knowing my feelings. Social circumstances in my office sometimes lead to me revealing something about myself, but I always feel ashamed of it afterward, even if it appeared to be received well. Whatever the case, I try to remain polite, tend to be formal and in a relationship might be resoundingly, “emotionally unavailable.” I ceaselessly wonder about what people say about me when I am not present to hear, usually suspecting the worst and being inclined to agree with the poor opinions of me that I’ve imagined. This is the closest that I feel I have to something in common with anybody. I do not bear failure or rejection well, putting all blame for any of it, or even the imagining of it, upon me.
My Feelings About Women This section has an infamous heading. I like women, rather more in almost all senses then I do men, and have neither resentments toward nor personal expectations of them. (I.e. I’m not some squealing incel furious about how feminism has made women into decadent, exploitative slut or whatever; frankly, I wholeheartedly despite that kind of attitude) Until around the age of twenty seven, give or take, romance was almost not a concept that existed in my mind. I don’t know why that changed, perhaps it was tied to my early misleading successes in diminishing my excessive mass, but whatever the case, the idea of being romantically entangled with one has been stuck in my mind. I’ve observed a few couples at some closeness in the course of my life and the women in those relationships have inspired a wistful, almost poetic fondness for them in me. I feel a sort of admiration toward them. I think that some of my reluctance to overtly pursue romance arises from that, because pursuit would inflict the quivering, ungainly burden of me upon them.
On the occasions that women whom I’ve found appealing have been friendly or approving toward me, I’ve found it deeply satisfying and even inspiring. Yet I always temper my sentiments by reminding myself that these were superficial occasions and in a proper relationship, it would be more difficult, fraught and complicated. I occasionally fantasize at length about having a woman visit so that I might prepare a meal in several courses along with fine cocktail for her or writing sentimental, lightly comic letters to her. I am a mediocre cook, but do well enough, and enjoy writing letters by hand with a fountain pen, although my handwriting is not exceptional. In any case, I always remind myself that dealing with a complete consciousness other than my own would be profoundly more complicated and difficult than my idle daydreams of romancing.
The central problem again descends to the physical. I am not attracted to the female physical analogues of me. My aesthetic tastes are not so different from the stereotypical. There are some ‘long tail’ eccentricities, such as, if I must confess, my particular liking for very tall women, but these do not help my case. Although well—meaning people might proclaim that leagues don’t exist, I have noticed that among couples, there is a tendency for the man and woman to be with a standard deviation or two, at least, of parity in attractiveness. I well appreciate that this is only one dimension of a person’s qualities and that it is inadequate for the foundation of a satisfying relationship, but it’s a heavy front door that I’m unable to open or pass by in favor of one that might already be open. Even if a women whom I thought appealing were to deign to join me, I am unsure that I could succeed, because I would be wracked by guilt that she were failing to meet her potential.
Women seem roughly as uninterested in me as my anxieties compel me to appear to be toward them. In about seventeen or so years, I can with imagination, extrapolation and optimism claim that perhaps ten women have shown any romantic interest in me. Counting many of these cases requires some… interpretation of the facts or embellishments of memory that makes the number about as realistic as Baltimore police crime statistics. (That’s a nod for fans of The Wire) I’ve fiddled a little with online dating, but without any zeal and with even less success.
Oh no, the sex stuff I sometimes think that I might be asexual. I’ve never… ummm… ‘done it’, as established, and I’m not sure if I want to… errr… ‘do it’. I never feel what I gather is lust. I have one or two vestigial memories of it from when I was an adolescent, but have not felt anything like that in recent memory. I can’t even happily imagine myself… ahhh… participating in coitus. Imagining the women is easy enough, but slapping the bulbous, furry sack that stands in, if I may flatter myself with such a description, for me against her is pretty revolting. I never watch pornography, except on a few occasions to laugh at the horrific storytelling or production, and tend to be squeamish about ‘sex stuff’ in general. Not that I don’t play the world’s smallest violin for myself, if you can buy that as a euphemism for masturbation, but I’m all in all not a fan of the penis and what it does.
A Plea for Advice as to How to Kill Hope
The questions that this all has led to are:
Firstly: is it all as hopeless as I think that it is? Secondly: Is there any way to banish this quarrelsome interest from myself?
As to the first question, I suppose that I’m fishing for some hope that I can land myself a pleasing catch if I change my casting technique or bait. This, as well as the fishing metaphor imprudently used for it, seems likely to go as well as the last time that I went fly fishing, which ended shortly after I caught my own foot and nothing else. I know that I’m a pessimist, so I could imagine that I’m wrong, in fact I tend to presume that I’m wrong… oh, that puts me rather back where I started. Perhaps if I were five or ten or a fetus again years younger, this would feel more plausible.
As to the second question, I sometimes wish that I could just tap my heels together while saying,” there’s no place like when I was twenty five,” and go back to being almost no cognizant that romance is something that existed. I, of course, knew that there were such things, else I would not have existed, among other things, but it wasn’t part of my world. Of course, perhaps that was all an illusion that circumstances somehow cast upon me. It would be nice if I could have the magic of youth back. I know that a lot of aging men yearn for that, but I think that my particular case is idiosyncratic.
I suppose that I could just go on as I have, mostly trudging onward through life until it finally stops, incidentally harassed by an emotional curiosity. That I’ve gotten this far at least suggests that it’s possible. That curiosity isn’t strong enough that I could ever imagine feeling a need to ‘settle’, but it would be nice if it would just leave me be.
submitted by Leamhnachd to virgin [link] [comments]

2020.06.13 19:05 d00rmatfl00rmat 19/M/Southern United States looking for casual chatter

Heyo! Because of my introversion and shyness quarantine, it's pretty hard to get out there and chat with people every now and then, so I've turned to the Internet as usual for a bit of social interaction. I don't mind the age, gender or subject as long as the convo's interesting and fun.
I don't talk much about myself, but between growing up in a cult, surviving and eventually fleeing my parents, dating and socializing almost exclusively online, and my academic and creative endeavors, I have a bit to share if you're interested. But enough about me, I love hearing about the day to day feats and misadventures of others, as well as chatting about life in general, such as social behavior and change. As long as the conversation's light, civil and interesting I'd be down! Lemme know what you think.
submitted by d00rmatfl00rmat to penpals [link] [comments]

2020.04.02 17:14 MikeJesus In 2012 I Met a Possessed Couch

I’ve been losing sleep. I don’t think I’m particularly special in that regard, I think everyone has been losing sleep these days. A global pandemic tends to do that to people. Yet the thing that has been keeping me awake isn’t the virus. I’ve been losing sleep over an old couch I once crossed paths with.
It’s been eight years, I want to believe that I’ve put the past behind me, but being locked in a house for a couple of weeks has made it impossible to not dwell on the past. The memory of the couch started off as a fleeting thought over my morning coffee, but as days have turned into weeks that memory has grown into a distinct vision of madness. What I saw during those three drunken nights in December of 2012 has become an unavoidable part of reality. I can’t rest until I process it.
So since we have a nice little Internet campfire going here I figured I would tell you guys a story. Hopefully it will let me put this whole part of my past to rest and maybe it will take your mind off of what is happening outside. So kick back and let me tell you a tale of love and loss, of broken teenage hearts, of surviving in a crumbling world. Let me tell you a story about the couch that tried to seduce me.

I was nineteen, hung-over and heartbroken. I was also stuck in a foreign country. Well, to call Estonia a foreign country would be a bit of a long shot, I had lived there for a good five years of my life. It was in Estonia that I lived out most of my teenage years. This was where I had smoked my first cigarette, had my first drink, fell in love for the first time. I was dragged in when I was thirteen by my parents; they had business in Tallinn and wherever they went I went. At eighteen, when my parent’s contracts ran out, I was forced back home. Their business with Estonia was done. Mine was not. By nineteen I was back.
As soon as I got off the plane I turned my phone on and checked my messages. She didn’t write to me. My soul, positioned somewhere slightly above my abdomen, twitched in discomfort. It was a familiar twitch, I had felt it in the bus to the airport, I had felt it in the security check, I had felt it when I boarded the flight to Tallinn and as soon as I got off the plane the twitch was back with a vengeance. The discomfort I was feeling in my chest was a realization. It was the realization that I had emptied out most of my already slim bank account on a one-way ticket halfway across the continent to see my old high-school sweetheart who wasn’t interested in seeing me. It was the realization that as much as I consciously knew the trip was a bad idea, I couldn’t resist going. I dragged my feet towards the arrivals hall.
When it became obvious that Saale was dodging my messages I panicked. There was no place for me to crash, I had no money for a flight, hell, I had no money for food. As I boarded the plane to Estonia I sent off a panicked text message to my old band-mate: ‘Made horrible mistake. Landing in Tallinn in three hours. Can I crash at yours?’ Within two minutes there was a reply: ‘OK. Will come with Maarja. See you soon.’ Karl wasn’t very chatty, but he was always there when needed.
The two of them were waiting for me as soon as I walked out into the arrival hall. They barely changed. Karl was still a giant of man. His long hair had gotten longer and the beard he had rocked since seventeen had gotten thicker, the guy looked like Jesus on steroids if Jesus was really into heavy metal and wore glasses. Next to Karl stood Maarja, she wore a garish yellow coat. The pink streak in her hair she’d been so proud of back in middle school was pinker than ever.
“JAAMEEES! YOU’RE BACK!” Maarja yelled in her high-pitched faux-English accent before nearly tackling me to the ground. “It’s been too long honey! Too long!” She hadn’t changed a bit since I left the country. Maarja was still a pint-sized bolt of energy. The two of them made for an odd couple.
“Welcome back, Friend,” Karl said after Maarja was done squeezing me. He wasn’t one for physical contact, Karl settled on a simple pat on the shoulder that challenged my entire skeletal structure. The three of us made our way outside to catch a bus to the center. Even after living in Estonia for five years I still wasn’t used to the winters. As soon as we walked out into the sub-zero temperature I felt decidedly like a foreigner.
We caught up on the small things while we waited for the bus. Karl and Maarja had officially moved in together, the band that Karl and me started up in high-school had broken up, Maarja was in the process of getting a bachelors degree of psychology and Karl was really into some crypto-currency stuff that went completely over my head. I couldn’t get much out of me; the cold was taking a real toll on my system. Whenever I opened my mouth to talk about my miserable little life I simply ended up chattering my teeth. As soon as we got on the bus I threw myself at the nearest heating vent.
“So, James,” Maarja said as soon as we got on the bus, “You still talk to Saale?” When I turned away from the heater to face her she froze, “I mean, we don’t have to talk about, forget I asked.”
“Do I look that bad?”
While Maarja searched for a diplomatic answer Karl stepped in with his special brand of honesty, “You look very tired and unhappy.”
“Well, I am happy to see you guys and I am excited to be here, but, yeah,” I decided to get the conversation out of the way, “We tried two months of long-distance, but Skype only gets you so far. Broke up in late July. After we split we agreed to not talk for a couple of months, to give each other some time to clear the system and all that. Keeping radio silence was hard at first but after a couple of weeks I started to get used to it. I was learning to live without her. Things were starting to straighten up, I even took a stab at dating but when the holidays rolled around the loneliness came back. On Christmas I figured I’d throw Saale a holiday message. She wrote back. We started chatting on a daily basis.”
The bus bounced through my old neighborhood. Memories of my drunken youth jumped at me from every corner, most of those memories involved Saale. “Last night we got pretty drunk,” I continued, “Things got flirty. We started talking about what we would do if we weren’t half a continent away from each other. She mentioned her parents were out of town until the end of January on some sort of an anniversary trip. I offered to fly in. She told me I should. Now I’m here.”
“She changed her mind?” Karl asked.
“She didn’t think I was serious about flying over. Didn’t exactly check with her before I bought the ticket. She flipped out when I got it, told me to get a refund and then hung up on me when I insisted on meeting up. She hasn’t answered any of my messages since.” A part of me felt good to get the story out of my system but saying it out loud just added to the absurdity. I could have not bought the ticket, I could have gotten a refund, I could have not gotten on that plane. Everything could have been avoided, but nineteen year old me leaped at the opportunity for a grand romantic gesture like a hungry animal.
“Very strange,” Karl finally said after considering my story. He shot a look over to Maarja, as if she was the ambassador to all women-kind, “Very strange, right?”
Maarja shrugged.
Maarja’s house was the crown jewel of my high-school social life. It was a three-apartment unit that was built at some point before the world wars. This place was old, as you would walk around the little apartment it would creak, but it made for a perfect party place. Maarja had inherited the apartment from her grandma at sixteen; the Estonians saw child rearing as a fairly independent process. If she couldn’t survive on her own at sixteen she probably couldn’t make it at thirty, a bit of responsibility would prepare her for the frigid world outside. Maarja used her newly found independence to throw the biggest house parties that the neighborhood had ever seen.
Maarja’s place was perfect for booze filled gatherings. It was spacious enough to hold any drinking game we could dream up, there was a nice terrace for smoking and the neighbors were either deaf, completely apathetic about teenage drinking or both. As soon as the front door opened I was assaulted by memories.
Visions of drunken nights on the floor of the living room, of hung-over mornings of the kitchen; the old apartment breathed with the past. For a split second a wave of gratitude for a youth well spent washed over me, but then I remembered that each of those fond memories had an element I wanted to block out. Most of the fun I had in the apartment had been with Saale by my side.
Maarja and Karl still slept on an old mattress on the floor, the walls were still covered with cut outs of boy-bands that Maarja had stuck to the wall in her tweens. The only thing that changed about their bedroom was the addition of a massive computer rig on the table. There were strange ventilators and cooling tubes and blinking lights, the machine looked like something straight out of a sci-fi flick.
“That’s my mining rig,” Karl said proudly. I nodded as if I understood what he was talking about.
“Where are the rats?” I asked, noticing the empty cage on Maarja’s wardrobe. Back in the day Maarja had two rats, Fritz and The Duchess. She would keep them in the cage most of the time, but whenever the night reached a certain point of drunkenness Maarja would sneak over to her bedroom and come out with the two animals. If you saw Maarja with two rats running up and down her body you knew the night was really going to become a rager.
“The Duchess died last week,” Maarja said with a glint of sorrow, “Fritz wasn’t taking it well. Think the little guy was depressed being in the cage all alone, so I’m letting him roam around the house for the time being. Hopefully a bit of freedom will cheer him up.” As if he had heard his name, Fritz peeked out from behind the wardrobe. The albino rat raised his snout in the air, sniffed for a bit and then lumbered off to the living room. The years had taken their toll on Fritz, he no longer moved with the youthful energy I was used to, but the one part of him that I remembered had not changed. Fritz still had balls that were disproportionately giant to his body. As he moved away from us he dragged them behind him with Sisyphean effort.
“So, which hostel are you crashing at?” Maarja asked. A lump manifested in my throat. I looked around the cramped apartment. Outside of the mattress there was nowhere for me to sleep. I didn’t have any money for a hostel. “Ah, I’m just kidding. You’re crashing here. We owe you anyway,” Maarja said with good cheer.
“For what?” I asked, relieved that I wasn’t homeless.
“Financing the booze and cigarettes back in the day, might have ended up a nun if it weren’t for you,” she said with a grin. It was true, throughout high school I had been the main financier of our misadventures, my parents had foreign money and that money went pretty far by Estonian standards. More importantly though; when everyone was sixteen I looked twelve. According to the law of teen streets, the late bloomer provides the dough for those who can buy stuff without ID.
“You’ll sleep on the couch, we just haven’t had the time to get it out of the garage. How about you and Karl drag it in while I make some tea?”
Even though it was a bright winter day outside the garage was in near darkness. The only thing that illuminated the cramped musty room was a single ray of light shining in through a cracked skylight. The garage was covered in flimsy shelves that buckled beneath the weight of greasy machine parts. In the center of the garage lay a couch shaped object covered with a large, stained cloth. Karl grabbed ahold the cloth and was about to pull it away, but a thought struck him.
“James, if I tell you something will you not tell Maarja?” He asked, letting the cloth drop back down to the floor. He looked straight at me; his small eyes were probing me for trustworthiness.
“Well, depends on what it is,” I said, “Don’t need help burying a body, right?”
“No,” Karl’s intensity broke into a smile, “It is nothing illegal. Just a secret.” He strode towards one of the rickety shelves and plunged his hand deep into its depths. After a moment of rustling he pulled out a small box. He opened it. Even though the garage was dark, and even though the diamond was tiny, you could see a little glimmer. Karl’s eyes shone twice as bright.
“Wow man,” I said, realizing how quickly the world was moving on, “Congratulations!” Maarja and Karl would get married and I would be at their wedding alone. As I stood in that garage the thought that I would always be alone gushed dread through my veins. We used to joke about how Saale and me would get hitched before the two of them did. Those jokes felt cruel now. Maarja and Karl would get married and one day Saale would get married too. She would get married to someone who wasn’t me. “I’m really happy for you.”
“I want to ask her father soon. He does not like me much, but I think I can show him that I can provide for his daughter. This Bitcoin thing will be big soon James, in a couple of years me and Maarja will be rich.” Karl put the box back into its hiding place. “Promise not to tell her, yes?”
“Promise,” I said with as much candor as I could muster, but my mind was elsewhere. My mind was floating disembodied in a bright church, watching my would-be-wife get married to someone else.
“James,” Karl’s paw on my shoulder brought me back into reality, “You will be okay. I know you are worried about Saale, but you still have us. We will drink this away.” He smiled. I tried to smile back. “Let’s get this couch, shall we?”
He pulled away at the cloth that covered the couch. Enough dust flew off into the air to send us both into a coughing fit. The room danced with dirty particles. Yet from behind the veil of powder I could see it. I could see the couch.
The thing was ancient, a couch straight out of the early days of the Soviet Union. Its flowery upholstery was covered in stains that just screamed history. It was as if the piece of furniture had been used for barricades in the defense of Stalingrad and lived to talk about it. Filth filled its rumpled cloth, it stood on firm wooden legs that seemed to have survived multiple generations of being clawed at, it was as if the thing was simply biding its time until its true masters came back to retrieve it. The couch was old, but somehow in that dark garage, in that gust of earthly smoke, there was something alluring about it. It looked ratty but comfortable, even inviting. For a split second I was sure that the couch had winked at me with its cushioning. Then the dust settled and it was just a piece of furniture.
Karl grabbed one side of the couch, I grabbed the other and we started to haul the thing towards the living room. We had left the garage, but there was still tension in the air. I was still thinking about Saale getting married to someone who wasn’t me. It was still as if Karl and me were meant to have a serious discussion. Neither of us were comfortable.
“I lost my virginity on this couch,” I shared, hoping to relax the situation.
Karl grinned, accepting the levity, “Gross.”
We dragged the couch to the living room and then joined Maarja in the kitchen. Back in the day her kitchen table was the go-to place to gather before drinking and after drinking. We would sit around and shoot the shit and wait for someone to drop off the booze for the evening or the hung-over pizza for the morning. Yet as we sat there, trying to make small talk, one of the chairs was empty and it made all the difference. I couldn’t focus on anything that was being said around me, all I could think about was how Saale used to sit next to me. All I could think about were her long legs on my lap, her long fiery hair, her laughter.
“How about we sweeten the evening with a bit of moonshine?” Maarja asked, as she fished a clear bottle out of the kitchen counter, “Karl and me are going to lunch with my parents tomorrow though, so no hangovers.”
Karl cheered on the promise of alcohol, but not even drink could lift my spirits. My eyes shifted from Saale’s empty seat to the couch. All I wanted to do was lie down and fall asleep for a thousand years. “Guys, I appreciate the hospitality but I’m really tired. How about we drink tomorrow?” I said. Karl and Maarja looked concerned, this was the first time they had ever seen me refuse booze.
“Are you sure you’re okay honey? We can talk about it if you want to,” Maarja suggested. I insisted I was fine; I just needed to get some rest. That didn’t convince her, but she yielded, “Well, we’ll be in my room if you need us.” Her and Karl shuffled off to her bedroom. I laid down on the couch.
From the other room I could hear them talk. Maarja talked in concerned whispers whilst Karl spoke at full volume, it didn’t make much of a difference, even after five years of being in the country I still couldn’t understand Estonian. I could hear my name being mentioned though. They were concerned about the emotional wreck that was crashing on their couch. I dragged my friends into my mess. It was all so humiliating; I was far from home, broke and broken. I wanted to die.
‘Easy there Tiger, don’t think like that,’ a faint voice emerged from the back of my head, ‘Things might not seem great right now, but look on the bright side, at least you’re on a comfortable couch.’ The voice was right; the couch was indeed comfortable. ‘All you need is a bit of a distraction to forget about your broken heart. Some booze, some dope, maybe a bit of love and you’ll be good as new.’ It was as if the suave voice turned a switch in my mind. Suddenly the tightness in my chest eased, a burst of joy started to bubble in my abdomen. My fingers started to trace the sides of the upholstery. The voice giggled, ‘That’s the spirit Tiger, just relax, you’re fine as long as you’re here with me.’ The universe felt lighter, my feelings of dread faded away and were replaced with an electric anticipation. I needed a drink to celebrate.
I opened the door to Maarja’s bedroom. She was lounging on the mattress reading a psych textbook. Karl was watching bar graphs on the computer. “Hey guys,” I peeked in, “I feel a bit better now, how about those drinks?” They both grinned. We drank.
In the moment I didn’t give much thought to the voice in my head, my internal monologue was turned up a notch since the break-up anyway. I was used to hearing thoughts that I consciously didn’t want to consider; the silky voice that was telling me that things would be okay was a welcome distraction. I sunk into the couch and I let the night carry me away. ‘See Tiger? Isn’t it nice to be here? Isn’t life just swell on this little old couch?’ it would say. I nodded along. We drank more.
All thoughts of avoiding hangovers were let go; the liquor poured freely. At some point Maarja emerged out of her room with Fritz on her shoulder. We celebrated the tradition of our youth but the rat was sluggish, far too old to crawl around on her body. After a couple of minutes Maarja gave up on playing with the rat. She put him on the ground. Fritz simply walked around the room dragging his testacles behind him like a ball and chain. We drank more.
Karl lumbered up to his feet and went to fetch his guitar. Maarja was out having a cigarette. I was far too comfortable on the couch. Having a moment to myself I watched the rat. Fritz had spent the past couple of minutes roaming the living room and sniffing at my backpack. Yet suddenly something caught his attention, he sniffed at the air, his whiskers bouncing in curiosity. Then he looked towards the couch. The old rat sprung to his hind legs and turned towards me. It was as if his beady eyes were locked to the piece of furniture. ‘Oh Tiger, don’t think about the stupid rat. Look, here comes Karl, let’s stop thinking about stupid things and listen to him play.’
Oh and how he could play. To say that Karl lacked warmth would be an understatement, communicating with the guy often felt like having a conversation with a pile of awkwardly stacked encyclopedias, but as soon as he would bring out the guitar he would ooze personality. Somehow, with those hulking fingers of his, Karl had managed to make the strings sing the gentlest of tones. Maarja and me sang along out of key as the night went on. ‘Just like the good old days, Tiger, you’re here and you’re happy. Focus on the positives, focus on the present,’ the voice told me. I followed the advice, until I couldn’t.
It was as if a spell had been broken. As soon as I heard those opening chords, as soon as I realized what Karl was playing my stomach sank. It was that Rolling Stones song. Saale and me had danced to it once upon a time. Memories of our first night together came rushing into my mind. The Saale shaped hole in my heart throbbed with pain. I got up to splash some water on my face. Karl shifted his performance into a serenade for Maarja.
The tiles in the bathroom were freezing but I was willing to withstand the pain if it meant I could get further away from the song. I stood there, willing to wait it out, but the memories just kept on floating back. I was standing in the same bathroom I stood in the night that I met Saale. I could see traces of a sixteen-year old in my face. The music kept on building. Saale’s lily perfume filled my nostrils. I could remember the fullness of her lips before our first kiss. The images were cascading on top of each other, ripping away at my sanity, ready to plunge me into a panic attack. But then they stopped. The music stopped.
I peeked out of the door. Karl had chucked his guitar over to the side. His serenade had given way to a heavy make out session. Him and Maarja were all over each other. “Guys, I’m going to go out for a cigarette,” I announced.
The two of them looked up at me dazed and drunk. “Take the keys honey, I think we’re going to bed.”
I hoped that the dial tone would block out Maarja’s moans but it didn’t. Not only did I have to listen to a loving couple have sex, I also had to listen to world’s quietest dial tone as I was reminded that Saale did not want to talk to me. I stood out there in the freezing cold smoking one cigarette after another. It was just me, the starless sky and Maarja’s moans. Karl lasted for a quarter a pack before their bedroom quieted down. I tried calling Saale one more time and then went back inside.
By the time I stumbled to the couch I could already hear snoring coming from the bedroom. But there was another sound in the apartment, something much quieter, something I almost didn’t notice. Scratching.
Luckily I managed to prop myself up against the couch before I sat on him. As I tried to regain my balance I realized just how drunk I was. Fritz was on the couch, furiously scratching into its upholstery. He looked up at the drunken figure hovering over him for a split second and then went back to work. Those little claws scratched with the ferocity of a pup. It was as if Fritz was two years younger.
I picked him up by his scruff and tried taking him off the couch. When I lifted him off the ground the rat seemed confused for just a split second before-
‘Aiiieee’ Fritz screamed the world’s tiniest scream and then bit me in the finger. He dropped to the ground and ran beneath a nearby wardrobe. He hid beneath it and watched me.
I was too drunk and tired to care. I laid down on the couch and exhaled. ‘Welcome back Tiger, you look tired. Let me keep you company. Yes, life is hard, but if you really appreciate the moment it can be pretty enjoyable. Lie down here, let me keep you hold you. Let’s get to know each other better.’
I could smell floral perfume. I closed my eyes and drifted off to a deep sleep.
(Next part)
submitted by MikeJesus to nosleep [link] [comments]

2020.03.21 01:18 IdRatherBeOnAmino 23M- Seeking A Friend For What Really Kind Of Feels Like The End Of The World

Hello, MakeNewFriendsHere! My name is Neil Rush. I was going to wait until certain other things had happened in my life to make a post on here, but the Coronavirus has kind of made me realize that it might be a little while before I can make friends again under normal circumstances, so I decided that I should get ahead of the curve on socialization (not the curve on the chart of people diagnosed with COVID-19, however, which, of course, should be flattened rather than gotten ahead of). This post will probably be pretty long, including one VERY LONG list and a few shorter lists. Hopefully, long lists aren't a HUGE turn-off for TOO many people on here.
It's been said that it becomes harder to make new friends as you get older, and as of late, I've seen little to disprove that. How many friends I've had seems to have gone in waves. In first grade, I had "playdates" organized with pretty much all of my classmates, although that doesn't necessarily make one "friends" with their classmates. By fourth grade, I had a handful of friends, and I even took some of them down to my family's beach condo in 2007 for an early birthday. That was before any of us had reached the age where we were capable of particularly deep conversation, however, so those didn't feel like particularly strong friendships in hindsight. By junior high school, those people had become mere friendly acquaintances rather than "friends." Seventh and eighth grade was when bullying was at its worst, as well as the education system not working too well in my favor. I only had one friend in my grade at that point. Another was a cousin that was three years younger, and two others were just kids of my mom's friends, one of whom in particular I've come to realize in hindsight that my friendship with was mutually unhealthy. It seems like eighth grade is the time that it's hardest to know how to be a good friend and person. I really wish I treated people better at that time. Much of what happened in eighth grade set up me spending ninth and tenth grade at a specialized boarding school. All-boys, no more than thirty students at the entire school, and very... conservative? If there's a word for a school that tries to force its students to only express their G-rated thoughts during the time in their lives that their minds, bodies, and emotions are gradually becoming less G-rated, and at a place where you're obviously banned from dating, that would be it. I made friends there, but their emotional issues made it hard, and during my second and last year there, I felt consistently disrespected by the students and staff in the "oldest kids' dorm." The "G-rated thoughts only" thing was downplayed in that dorm, but in turn, one of the staff members went too far the other way and wanted to keep everyone from acting in a way he deemed too immature in an equally unrealistic manner for pubescent males in 2012-13, which is why I felt disrespected by staff as well as students. I returned to my previous school for eleventh and twelfth grade, and had a great friend group at the time. My inability at the time to get over some girls that I had unrequited crushes on notwithstanding, those were the happiest years of my young life. As those friends' lives got busier, however, I couldn't see them as much as I used to, and aside from some occasional text check-ins with one of them, I really don't talk with them anymore. I went to technical school from 2015 to 2017, and community college from 2017 to 2019, but only made passing connections at best with most people at those places. Since last year, the only friend I've been consistently seeing is a person who used to teach me one-on-one digital art back when I had an Adobe Creative Cloud subscription, and it's hard to see her a whole lot because of how she has a lot of art classes to teach around the county. I also talk with a handful of people in communities on the app known as Amino, but most people on there skew younger, and I'd like to try talking with more people I know are adults. Whether or not we talk LIKE adults, however, is optional.
These are the things I'm a fan of. Strap in, because here's where some of those long lists come in to play.
Favorite animated TV series (in no particular order)- -Making Fiends -South Park -Time Squad -My Life As A Teenage Robot -The Mighty B -Star vs. The Forces of Evil -Invader Zim -The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack -The Owl House -Rick and Morty -BoJack Horseman -Tuca & Bertie -Clone High -The new Mickey Mouse cartoons -Courage the Cowardly Dog -Gravity Falls -The Shivering Truth -Rugrats -Rocko's Modern Life -Hey Arnold -The Wild Thornberrys -SpongeBob SquarePants -The Fairly Oddparents -Danny Phantom -Avatar: The Last Airbender -El Tigre -The Legend of Korra -Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles -Harvey Beaks -The Loud House -Welcome to the Wayne -Dexter's Laboratory -Johnny Bravo -Cow and Chicken -The Powerpuff Girls -Ed, Edd, 'n Eddy -Codename: Kids Next Door -Samurai Jack -Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends -Ben 10 -Chowder -Adventure Time -Generator Rex -Regular Show -Sym-Bionic Titan -The Amazing World of Gumball -Steven Universe -Over the Garden Wall -We Bare Bears -OK KO- Let's Be Heroes -Craig of the Creek -Summer Camp Island -Victor and Valentino -Infinity Train -Batman: The Animated Series -Superman: The Animated Series -Batman Beyond -Teen Titans -Justice League Unlimited -The Batman -Young Justice -Green Lantern: The Animated Series -Harley Quinn -Kim Possible -Ducktales 2017 -Big Hero 6: The Series -Big City Greens -Amphibia -Fantastic Four 1994 -Spider-Man 1994 -Silver Surfer 1998 -Spider-Man Unlimited -The Avengers: United They Stand -The Spectacular Spider-Man -Wolverine and the X-Men -The Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes -Guardians.of the Galaxy: The Animated Series -Voltron: Legendary Defender -Tales of Arcadia -The Dragon Prince -Hilda -She-Ra and the Princesses of Power -Twelve Forever -Aqua Teen Hunger Force -The Venture Bros -The Boondocks -Robot Chicken -Moral Orel -Final Space -Primal -The Simpsons -King of the Hill -Family Guy -Futurama -American Dad -The Cleveland Show -Bob's Burgers -Bless the Harts -Duncanville -Archer -F is For Family -Castlevania -Big Mouth -Disenchantment -Love, Death, and Robots -Seis Manos -Undone
Favorite live-action TV shows (no particular order)- -Modern Family -Shameless -Jane the Virgin -This Is Us -Community -It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia -Atlanta -Breaking Bad -Better Call Saul -Fargo
Favorite Animated Movies (no particular order)- -Beauty and the Beast -The Lion King -The Hunchback of Notre Dame -Mulan -Atlantis: The Lost Empire -Lilo and Stitch -Wreck-It Ralph -Big Hero 6 -Moana -Monsters, Inc. -Finding Nemo -The Incredibles 1 and 2 -Ratatouille -Wall-E -Up -Inside Out -Coco -Onward -The Kung Fu Panda trilogy -The How to Train Your Dragon trilogy -Megamind -Puss in Boots -Rise of the Guardians -The Croods -Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie -The Peanuts Movie -Kubo and the Two Strings -Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs -The Lego Movie(s)
Favorite Live-Action Movies (no particular order)- -Superman 1978 -Batman 1989 -Batman Begins -The Dark Knight -Wonder Woman 2017 -Aquaman 2018 -Shazam 2019 -X2: X-Men United -Spider-Man 2 -Iron Man -The Incredible Hulk -Thor -Captain America: The First Avenger -The Avengers -The Wolverine -Captain America: The Winter Soldier -Guardians of the Galaxy -Deadpool -Captain America: Civil War -Doctor Strange -Logan -Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 -Spider-Man: Homecoming -Black Panther -Deadpool 2 -Spider-Man: Far From Home
Favorite video game franchises (no particular order)- -Mario -Pikmin -Okami
Favorite internet personalities (no particular order)- -TheRunawayGuys -Chuggaaconroy -ProtonJon -NintendoCapriSun -MasaeAnela -Lucahjin -StephenPlays -AzureBlade49 -MysteryBen27 -Pcull44444
We can talk about anything I listed up above in this post, or anything else you think would be a good thing to talk about. If I do manage to start having someone to DM as a result of this post, which is the ultimate goal, I won't be able to respond immediately every time or every day, but I will try to send a message at least once a week, hopefully more, depending on what my schedule and my family's schedules are. Because we won't be doing much outside of our house until mid-April to mid-May, I'll probably have a lot of free time to talk, although that doesn't guarantee that I'll be able to talk every day. Regardless, I hope there's at least one person on here that doesn't find me too weird, and if there is such a person on here, I hope to talk real soon!
submitted by IdRatherBeOnAmino to MakeNewFriendsHere [link] [comments]

2020.03.18 07:56 Somerandomdude97655 You guys all need to get a city of Regina phonebook.

And find out who Ben Ritz is, because he is the best framer in Saskatchewan. He is the lead hand, foreman, CEO, CFO, and accountant of Endurable Construction all at the same time. If you guys ever worked for someone who really runs their own framing crew and remains a gentleman you know what I’m talking about. We worked through -43 degree weather together. I don’t think anything will ever stop him from building his houses and stacking that cheddar.
It’s insanely funny because my name is Dan and this whole reddit thing is surreal. I moved out of Saskatchewan a long time ago, my original goal was to get into sales because for obvious reasons, framing year round is not that enjoyable. BC is full of people who don’t know me as well as Ben Ritz did, I didn’t really see that coming but I’m sticking it out as a hospital worker now. This was never about me thinking I’m better than Ben or anything like that, I just like the weather in British Columbia.
I’m side hustling as an audio engineer. It’s a long story. I originally moved off my Dad’s farm so I could get high speed internet because I wanted to be a pro gamer. That’s why I was framing. After that didn’t go anywhere I decided to take the money I had made and kill two birds with one stone: get out of framing and leave video games behind at the same time. What really happened was that I got ddos’d in rbgs. It was the first time I had ever not been in control of my own internet connection and it changed my life forever. I also received an email from someone who I had went to audio engineering school with, and that part of the story pre-dates the framing. He wanted me to come back to Vancouver and pick up the stuff that I had left there after I was done with school. I also had been called a “bitch,” by my boss on the job site, after needing to ask him twice about something while he was teaching me to mark out our exterior walls. I also remember him saying that he had thousands of resumes and could just hire whoever he wanted. I thought at the time that he was trying to hint at me that I could just leave. I also was aware that my retired mother lived in BC with a two bedroom apartment that had one empty room, so I felt that moving would be safe even if it didn’t work out. Because of all those reasons combined, along with the seeming coincidence that I was hitting a 3 pay-cheque month and had a computer which I had suddenly learned I wasn’t in control of, (and therefore could sell,) I took it as a sign that I should take my chance now to get out of outdoor manual labour or I’d be stuck doing it for life. People who live paycheque to paycheque for years often end up thinking this way. I had known someone from the past who had spent 6 years as an electrician and then start pulling in bigger money as a sales guy. I decided to follow in his footsteps.
After landing in Vancouver I got a 12 dollar an hour job selling for world vision. I sucked donkey nuts at it, but got another job selling for a property washing company. That job was pure commission, after landing the sale I then washed the property myself. It was a nice marriage of manual labour type stuff that I was familiar with, and also selling property washes to people who’s houses you can see are dirty by walking down the street isn’t as hard as trying to make people pay for African kids they don’t know.
That kept going for a month. I was the only one landing a sale every day, and all the other sales contractors gave up. I am not lying, you can talk to Cody Marshal, the owner of Panda Property Services. I think he became an electrician after that hustle went tits up but I dont actually know him anymore. He had to take a week off to hire a bunch of new people. I got cold feet waiting for more work and I still sort of had a warm fuzzy one about being a framer because I had made so much money. I thought to myself that getting back into framing would give me those consistent pay-cheque’s and job security.
Basically I worked for a framing crew that was doing a few things differently. In Saskatchewan there is not as much danger of earth quakes. In BC there are these things called shear-blocks that they put in between studs that add structural integrity. They keep the walls from ripping apart sideways during earthquakes. On account of me not knowing what those things were, along with a few other things that are different in between Saskatchewan vs. BC building methodology, I ended up being regarded as a rookie framer. It was a slow slip and slide, but at the same time, in situations like that a pecking order always has to be established anyways so it was also a matter of seniority. What happened after was a lot a days that felt like a blur, but the pace got turned up to a full house in 2 weeks. We did overtime as needed as well as worked on Saturdays. I ended up walking off the job site because I was basically just being mocked and made fun of by the lead hand. What had started as me deciding to not let his ribbing get to me had turned into him really needing to feel like he was getting to me. I was just angry so I left.
After that I got in with a high end renovation and new construction company with a clean cut image. This was completely new territory for me but basically what happened was I wasn’t doing any framing what-so-ever and the skills they required of me were skills I was suddenly finding that I hadn’t practiced. They lost a big contract and ended up letting me go, there were people in control who seemed to just be changing the plan constantly as a method of keeping the operation behind schedule, and then after was perpetuated, they used it as a reason to end the contract, even though the house was already built. At the end of the day it could have been the best job I ever had but I also had become very lazy compared to when I had roughneck guys in my face all day making everything a competition. I’ll never really know how much of that was my fault because losing a contract that size made cutting costs nessecary, and regardless of my level of work ethic I really just didn’t know much about finishing carpentry at the time.
After that I started stressing and made a decision to do something a little sneaky that I learned back in Saskatchewan when I was closest to becoming a Pro Gamer and I wanted to make the most of my chance. I figured out that if you tell a psychiatrist that you fear losing your job and feel that you need to focus, they will give you ADD medication. At the time I used that medication to pursue what would have been my final foray into trying to win blizzcon, but I’ll get back to that later, because after I moved to Vancouver, I had stopped taking it. Lying to psychiatrists is not a good decision to make.
When It came to being hired by the company which hired me after the first Reno company let me go, I actually was genuinely scared of losing my job, and did want help focusing. I found a psychiatrist and got adderall. This company was basically one of the best, if not the best in the city. How I ended up getting fired on purpose so I could pursue Pro Gaming again is a misadventure that I really don’t like talking about. I don’t know if I got hacked during my “all-in,” but I found my computer suddenly not working properly, and things started to get really fishy. What followed over the years to come was a slow fearful realization, that the reputation I had built as a framer in Saskatchewan, was no longer following me. Being a dude who has like 4K in the bank and who figures he can just go for it because he can afford to pay his own rent and game for a few months is something basically everyone should not do.
After a long series of mishaps and struggles with holding onto jobs and coming to terms with not being able to fix my computer no matter what I did, I found myself working at a dementia care facility and living with my mother. I’m not really embarrassed about it because I pay rent and all my own bills. I still however find myself plagued by random computer problems that seem to always be un-explainable. Wether or not it’s actually a hacker is something I have yet to find out because I’m in the process of putting money into people on upwork. Only time will tell. By process of elimination I feel more and more sure that it might be. After replacing the whole computer and reinstalling a fresh iteration of windows I find myself having random problems all over again.
I’m more detail what happened when I started taking adderall and working for that super high end construction company, (the second one,) was I realized that my money was mine. I was also scared of getting let go so I started saving very dilligently. I was making around 2400-2500 dollars a month as a skilled labourer, but so got my monthly living expenses down to about 1400. I was living in a home stay where 1 meal per day, (supper,) was provided along with a room. (Since then I’ve lost everything I bought and had to restart, so I don’t feel like I really owe those people who ran that honestly anything but they were giving me an advantage at the time,) That room cost 850 with the meal. For 50 bucks a week I could make all my weeks lunches on Sunday. Then I was able to buy two coffees, (one for breakfast and one for lunch,) along with a breakfast sandwich from Tim Hortons. This was 10 dollars a day. Along with my phone and data and a bus pass it was about 1400. I was pocketing 1000 per month because adderall made me realize my money was mine. The second thing I realized was that my job was mine. I will always remember that nothing I did with that company was very hard physically, even though we spent whole days shoveling gravel. It’s a different feeling when you’re doing because you know it’s your job, versus doing it just because someone else is pushing you. What ended up happening, was I started showing up 15 minutes early. As a result of that happening, I was given a list of things to do by the project manager. After the other labourer showed up, I started telling him what to do. He seemed to not like that, so I let him choose his own things to do from the list. I was still in control, even though he was deciding. After that I ended up getting him to do stuff by asking him if he wanted to do it. This is just a subtle way of telling someone what to do without pissing them off. After we started shovelling gravel I somehow knew that I just had to go a little faster than him, and keep shovelling while he was taking a break. That way I was subconsciously asserting dominance, but I made sure to not talk about it, because I remember how Ben Ritz used to always out-work me, but he never made me feel small about it. After I outworked the guy, I continued telling him what to do. Then it suddenly started to hit me. He was someone who needed to be the boss too. After he stopped trying to be in control and really accepted that I was his boss, (without it being said out loud,) he stopped giving a fuck about the job. He started showing up late. He got fired after showing up 20 minutes late two times in a row. But from my perspective, it was as if I had gotten him fired. I had made the job really mine, after beginning to know it was mine subconsciously, by protecting myself from someone who thought he was better than me. I recognized this as soon as we started interacting. The rest of the story is about people who influenced me to try and get on Twitch, and I don’t want to shame them, because the reality is, I’m like 99 percent sure the reason I had to give up, (not going to say being a Twitch star is ever a sure thing,) is because I got hacked. After giving up on that and trying to get into audio engineering, I’ve started to feel like the person who is doing this to me just wants me to not be able to use a computer whatsoever, and it feels far to personal, to be any sort of government “control the carpenters,” conspiracy. I have had a great many ideas about why this has been happening to me, and I actually don’t know who hacked me or what their motivation was. My hope is that the people I’m paying through upwork, (great website,) will be able to fix it for me.
I had about 3 months of income saved up but I felt I wasnt high enough ranked to stream. I thought I would have time to build my rating before getting on stream. I felt that people would only be interested in watching me play if my rating was high. So I kept turning my stream off so I could build a team and get high rated. Things just never ended up happening and after a few weeks I was just getting hacked. The rest of the story is really not what I want to talk about, because it turns into this “looking back and trying to figure out what my mistake was,” thing, and I feel like that’s actually toxic, because I’m never going to try and make money on twitch again, so what’s the point of me learning from that experience. I was playing Resto Druid. Everybody thought my real gamer tag was Ellenpagetko but really that is what is known as a “tournament name.” It’s when you change your characters name to that of a famous person because you want to win a tournament. (And thusly get famous.) It’s the same as when the original people who started the GamerTagx thing, were bragging about how they made it through an entire ecstasy trip without letting go of their characters. Hence the X. My original name was Anoru. When I really think back to around 2012-2013 to when I took my dose and got in rated 3v3, I only lasted 3 games. I haven’t done ecstasy since. I suddenly realized that my characters life and mine were the same, I also realized by listening to the tone of voice of my teammates that they had already accepted that we were going to lose even though we hadn’t yet. This meant I was scared of dying. I started pushing them verbally to win the games by telling them what to do specifically. They seemed bewildered by this because we ended up winning even though they expected to lose. I don’t remember who they were but after 3 games I was scared to queue with them and I got up out of the computer chair. Turns out as soon as you get up out of that chair while the x is still in you, you become not a pro gamer. I didn’t know that that was how it was at the time, but after that night I should have never come back to the game at all.
I specifically have lost the ability to use my audio interface, which I feel is an attack on my side-hustle. Only time will tell what the truth behind it is.
I have many suspicions. One is that it may in fact be Talbadar, blizzard employee and blizzcon champion, who used his position inside of that company to take control of my computer and make me a loser within the game, bringing about a near loss of sanity and the security of the pro gaming careers of his friends.
I believe that they think I’m still headed back into the game rather than into a career in audio engineering. I have chosen to game for fun, and infact I don’t even play WoW any more, I prefer an old game that I started playing on Xbox, Battlefield: Bad Company 2. I just document any strange events that happen in my computer and have a full roster of computer science experts which I can access through upwork to protect myself from them. I believe their chief black hat’s name is “Kaska.” I do not know his real name.
P.S. I do pay my mom rent, she’s nice.
submitted by Somerandomdude97655 to ben [link] [comments]

2019.11.01 03:29 CaseyAPayne NaNoWriMo Day 1 - Introduction

NaNoWriMo Day 1 - Introduction
Start time: October 1st, 7:56 am
End time: 10:00 am
Words: 1969
Looks like I'm going to end up spending a few days on the "Introduction..." lol Added photos to see what that looked like on Reddit. I'll probably just link to photos in the future.

How I’m writing this book

A few days before November 1st a friend said he might participate in NaNoWriMo, a yearly personal competition to write 50,000 words of a novel over the month of November. I decided that I’d join him on this quest. My recent interactions on Reddit inspired me to share what I write each day in a newly formed community. This is going to impact my style of writing and how the book evolves. I plan on producing a self-contained story each day that may or may not build off of what I wrote in the previous day. At the end of November, I'd like to have a collection of roughly 30 stories which I’ll be able to use as the foundation of a book about myself and my journey to skillful journeying.
This is the first time I’ve ever made a serious attempt at writing a book. It’s a book I’ve had in mind for a long time. I thought a good place to begin would be a simple explanation about who the book is for and why I’m writing it. Let’s see… let’s start with who it’s for. That way you won’t have to invest any more time than you need to.

Who this book is for

  • My mom
  • People interested in personal development and self-improvement
  • People who have bipolar disorder
  • People interested in stories related to mental health and bipolar disorder
  • People interested in martial arts
  • People who are biracial or are interested in matters of race in the United States
  • People who are interested in the early days of YouTube and being a YouTuber
  • People interested in the spiritual quest of enlightenment and some of the schools of thought (or “not-thought”) surrounding them like Taoism, Buddhism, and Hinduism
That’s a lot of different people! More may be included over the course of the month, but let’s break each one down.
My mom
I’m not sure if I can call my mom my biggest fan, but she’s definitely been the longest and most consistent! My “career” (I haven’t gotten any checks… yet!) as a writer officially began when I moved to Taiwan back in 2002. Before leaving for Taiwan I started participating in an internet discussion forum for expats in Taiwan called Forumosa. Initially, that was comprised of simple questions about moving and over time evolved into long-form essays about heavy-hitting topics like “Are Initialism Words”. That got the writer’s ball rolling. (Side note: The “Writer’s Ball” sounds like a pretty sad dance party… lol)
When I physically landed in Taiwan I wanted to keep friends and family up-to-date about the adventures and misadventures I was having so I started sending group emails. At some point, I felt like I was spamming my friends. I had heard about this thing called “blogging” so I thought I would set up and blog. Once I did that I sent a final email to my friends telling them that if they ever wanted to know what was going on with me they could check out my blog. Done this way I could write as much as I wanted to about whatever I wanted without worrying about whether I was annoying my friends. We’ve finally circled back to my mom… lol
When you write things meant to be consumed by other humans it’s nice to know that there’s at least one other human out there who will read it. Ever since my first post on Tuesday, August 24th, 2004I knew I’d have at least one set of eyes on the content I pushed out to the World Wide Web. My mom. :D
Actually… I quickly learned that there would most likely be at least two pairs of eyes on each post as I also got my first comment that same day!
At 3:55 PM, Anonymous said...
You suck. I bet you take crusty wizard wands of the butt.
Lol Gotta love the internet!
People interested in personal development and self-improvement
“Self Help”... If I wrote a book on personal development or self-improvement that’s the section that it would end up in… YUCK! It’s funny that I’ve come to loathe the category for one of my favorite topics. Well… let’s get into it!
There was a long pause here as a few things ran through my head…
When did I start taking personal development seriously? What was the first self-help book I bought? Then I rummaged through my pile of journals. I have a few answers.
I’m sure I got my hands on books in the self-help category before this but the first book that comes to mind is “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”. I probably picked this up in 2002. I honestly can’t remember any of the principles from the book, but the one thing I do remember was finding out the author was Mormon. That’s probably what made me leery of self-help books! The idea of someone being like “Hey, I want to help you (secretly convert to my principles and religion),” really bugged me. I’m sure there are many universally useful principles for making life better but it bugged me that he wasn’t upfront about his faith from the start of the book… I was clearly seriously interested in personal development then, but I don’t know if I’d count that as the start. I also ended up in the mental hospital shortly after that… (maybe we’ll cover that story later!)
The next milestone comes from my pile of journals. I have this beat-up blue Doraemon (he’s this weird blue Japanese cartoon character) journal from 2005. It’s the oldest journal I have and, best I can tell, the start of me maintaining a handwritten personal journal for myself. Flipping through it just now I found the passage (with no date):
Consolidate ideas.
Don’t spread self too thin.
I’m going to call that my first written “personal development” statement. It’s also advice that I’d spend the next 15 years mastering! >.< The first “time-stamped” entry in the book with actually notes in it is from 5-17-2005. It was comprised of some ideas for a website for expats. I’m embarrassed to report that I circled the statement:
Maintain an environment for synergy
This would be another milestone in terms of personal development and my written journaling got more and more serious from that point up until now, but I wouldn’t call it the personal development start date. There are two official beginnings to my quest toward personal development and they both happened in 2008.
On January 19th, 2008, I had this flash of inspiration surrounding an idea for a movement and philosophy for life. I called it… “Pwning Life”. I’m sure we’ll revisit this topic again but the very next day I made a video titled “Pwning Life” and uploaded it to YouTube to mark the occasion. The text your reading now is actually a part of the evolution of “Pwning Life”. Pwning Life was a cool title for a personal development system and philosophy in my 20s but… I eventually grew out of it and into what I now call “Flow to Your Dream”.
The second major event was meeting a fellow named John G. John had a whole system he had created where an individual would write up a “Personal Development Plan”. The first version of this plan is dated October 24th, 2008. I’ve updated that document every year since then and it has evolved into a personalized system of my own.
People who have bipolar disorder
I definitely want sections of this book to speak directly to people who are suffering from bipolar disorder. I would like it to be a book that would give people hope during their darkest times. Whether you have read the book and it serves as a beacon of light to guide you out of a depressive state, a friend recounts a story from the book while you're in the hospital, or you stumble across it in the midst of mania or depression.
While the expressions of bipolar are as varied, and unexpected, as Milwaukee snowflakes in May, like snowflakes there are some universal principles and properties they all share. I’m bipolar 1 so my struggles have normally been around bouts of mania, but I’ve also experienced depression. I also appear to be unique among a population of individuals that are already unique in that I’ve been admitted to the mental hospital more than 10 times over the course of my life. There is no doubt that I could write 50,000 pages just on the different experiences and stories connected to each episode, visit to the hospital, and the period of recovery, but I’ll try my best to include a curated collection of the “greatest hits”... lol
If you’re reading this now and happen to be in the middle of a LOW low or a HIGH high I want to tell you that it’s all a part of the process of personally developing your own system for self-care and management. Don’t be ashamed of what you’ve done or will do. Stay strong. People love you. I love you. (Woah… I just made myself cry… I don’t cry very often…) Seriously though. I probably have a pretty good idea what you’re going through as I’ve gone through it 10+ times. Here’s a brief list…
  • Running through streets naked (triple check)
  • Assaulting police officers
  • Embarrassing yourself online… Jesus… that’s my whole life! Lol
  • Getting into a fight with a Buddhist priest in another country
  • Being hospitalized in another country (Twice!)
  • Telling a family member you’re going to burn their house down
  • Threatening suicide online
  • Becoming Jesus
  • Becoming the Monkey King
  • Not showering or brushing teeth for months on end
  • Manic trips to Puerto Rico
  • Manic sex
  • Government tracking you
  • Aliens talking to you
  • Battling aliens
  • Battling demons (like… real ones)
  • Battling the Illuminati
  • Getting messages from beings of pure light
The list goes on and on…
Shit gets dark… really dark… THEN SUPER BRIGHT… then dark… then… THE BRIGHTEST OF THE BRIGHTEST BRIGHT EVEREST TIMES ONE HUNDRED AND EVERYTHING IS BETTER AND GREAT AND WONDERFUL AND… dark… so dark… fuck everything… fuck this shit… bye.
A substantial source of the disease burden in bipolar disorder is suicide-related. Researchers estimate that between 25% and 60% of individuals with bipolar disorder will attempt suicide at least once in their lives and between 4% and 19% will complete suicide. (Source)
If you don’t feel like you have anyone to talk to, find someone, find me. I’ll drop two resources if you’re in the US:

I’m one of the lucky ones. I’ve had really supportive family and friends. No kind of abuse growing up. Always a stable place to recover. I have no idea what you’re going through now and what you’ve been through. I can’t even promise that things will get better if you work hard. What I can say is that there is a 100% chance that that spark of light you’ve felt is real. It’s a seed of… SOMETHING… something important. Something that will have a positive impact on yourself and the world. Fight to get that seed in the right soil, get it the water and sunlight it needs. Embrace that fight. If you keep it up you’ll get to see it sprout and that sprout will give you hope. Shit happens. A flash flood might wipe everything away. You might get hit with drought but I assure you that, even if you can’t see it or you think it died, it didn’t. It’s still there…
submitted by CaseyAPayne to FlowToYourDream [link] [comments]

2019.09.30 23:05 thecambridgegeek Audio Drama/Fiction Debuts - September 2019

I've got what I think is a mostly exhaustive list of the new audio drama series that came out in September, which may be of interest to those looking for new shows. See below. Anyone want to tell me any I've missed, and I'll update it? (Note, "new" here means that the Ep1 of the RSS feed was released, or a previously non-fiction feed started producing fiction.) Listened to any of them that you would recommend?
9/1: Sidequesting (Drama - Fantasy)
Site: https://sidequesting.carrd.co/
Synopsis: Sidequesting is a scripted fantasy podcast about avoiding the main plot and doing sidequests instead. It follows Rion, a budding adventurer who’s willing to help out just about anyone - as long as they’re not being asked to deal with the scary wizard that everyone keeps talking about.
RSS Feed: https://pinecast.com/feed/sidequesting

9/1: The Storage Papers (Drama - Horror)
Site: https://anchor.fm/thestoragepapers
Synopsis: The Storage Papers will explore a large series of documents that I came into possession of when I won a storage auction for the minimum bid (as I was the only person present). Since then, I've had nightmares, paranormal activity going on in my home, and I believe I am being followed. Every two weeks, I'll be sharing the contents of these documents, which include police reports, witness statements, and other forms of records deemed too strange.
RSS Feed: https://anchor.fm/s/cf09194/podcast/rss

9/2: Moon Harbor Heroes (Drama - Actual play)
Site: https://www.icynewyear.com/moon-harbor-heroes/
Synopsis: Moon Harbor Heroes is a Masks: A New Generation Actual Play podcast, hosted by Anthony Sheets and T.P. Huth. Moon Harbor Heroes tells the stories of several groups of superpowered teenagers as they balance navigating the tumultuous world of adolescence and saving the world at large. Episodes are published each Monday and Wednesday, with occasional Friday episodes as well.
RSS Feed: https://www.icynewyear.com/moon-harbor-heroes?format=RSS

9/2: No Stone (Drama - Mystery)
Site: https://nostonepodcast.podbean.com/
Synopsis: Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction...When a dead body appears in a pond on campus, two journalism students jump into action, investigating the bizarre twists and turns that follow. They live in a town with strange doors, suspicious disappearances, and eyes everywhere...
RSS Feed: https://feed.podbean.com/nostonepodcast/feed.xml

9/2: Once (Drama - Anthology)
Site: https://soundcloud.com/oncefictionpod
Synopsis: A new short fiction podcast. Every week you get a new piece created by our amazing team of writers and actors. Once is curated by Florence Hood.
RSS Feed: http://feeds.soundcloud.com/users/soundcloud:users:685544360/sounds.rss

9/2: The Sigmun Freud Files (Drama - Mystery)
Site: https://www.luebbe.de/luebbe-audio-international
Synopsis: Vienna, 1920: Professor Sigmund Freud is known for his interest in the human psyche, but Psychoanalysis is still an emerging field with its share of critics.
When Constable Karl Gruber seeks out Sigmund Freud’s help in dealing with a gruesome murder case, the professor sees a new opportunity to explore the many facets of human behavior and thinking. Together with his stubborn daughter Anna, Sigmund Freud sets out to help Constable Gruber and solve the unusual and mysterious cases of Vienna.
RSS Feed: https://thesigmundfreudfiles.podigee.io/feed/mp3

9/3: InSpectre (Drama - Comedy)
Site: https://pinecast.com/feed/inspectre
Synopsis: Former detective, and current ghost, Calvin Westover, hires an eager young assistant, Arthur, to help investigate paranormal crimes. Calvin takes Arthur on his first investigation, finding out if the local zoo accidentally put a werewolf in captivity with the wolves.
RSS Feed: https://pinecast.com/feed/inspectre

9/4: Gotham Variety (Drama - Anthology)
Site: https://www.gothamvariety.com/
Synopsis: Gotham Variety presents standalone audio drama every 1st and 15th. Listening with headphones is recommended, as we do everything possible - with state of the art sound effects and sound design, gripping original music and some of the best actors in NYC - to create that sense that you are there, to stimulate your imagination and provide you with the greatest intensity of experience, so that afterward you’ll feel as though these stories actually happened to you.
RSS Feed: https://gothamvariety.libsyn.com/rss

9/5: Spritz the Goblin (Drama - Fantasy)
Site: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLqoWgJugXIQpFukoDG7cBKYEIkm3m8M6F
Synopsis: It tells the story of Spritz, a dashing young goblin who is sick and tired of the goblin life and wants to join civilization. But old prejudices die hard and Spritz is going to have to prove himself.

9/9: Observe and Report (Drama - Science fiction)
Site: https://www.observeandreportpodcast.com/
Synopsis: A Sci-Fi audio drama about Zuri, a young alien who becomes stranded on Earth.
RSS Feed: https://feed.podbean.com/observeandreport/feed.xml

9/9: Radioland (Drama - Urban fantasy)
Site: https://www.radiolandpodcast.com/
Synopsis: Everything is fine and dandy in Wendell. There's nothing off-putting or strange at all. Why would you even ask that? Don't ask questions. But after some unnerving encounters with the local radio announcer and an influential farmer, newcomer Gabe Rodriguez can't help but ask questions. Questions like, is that talking scarecrow completely psychotic, or am I?
RSS Feed: https://feeds.buzzsprout.com/380404.rss

9/9: The Adventures of Sir Rodney the Root (Drama - Fantasy)
Site: https://www.talkingfishpodcasts.com/#
Synopsis: The Adventures of Sir Rodney the Root is a new fantasy audio-comedy about the misadventures of a knight named Gilbert just trying to do the right thing. Unfortunately, he's been saddled with a rag-tag group of companions: a fabulous elf mage, an ambitious human princess, a sassy dwarf thief, a bizarre human child, a stoner unicorn... and a root named Sir Rodney. Will they complete their convoluted fetch-quest and restore Rodney to human form? Or will they end up in way more trouble than they bargained for? One thing is for sure, it's going to be a crazy adventure along the way!
RSS Feed: https://sirrodney.libsyn.com/rss

9/10: Audio Fiction with Paul Sating (Fiction - Anthology)
Site: https://paulsating.libsyn.com/
Synopsis: Thriller, suspense, fantasy, horror and more! Author Paul Sating brings his unique voice to the world, now in one place! Subscribe to hear new releases of his novels and short stories, and be transported across his podcast catalog, including Subject: Found, Who Killed Julie?, Diary of a Madman, Atheist Apocalypse, and YOU. With fiction that spans the genres, you're not going to ever find so much variety from one writer, in one place.
RSS Feed: https://paulsating.libsyn.com/rss

9/10: Edge Case (Drama - Anthology)
Site: http://edgecase.libsyn.com/
Synopsis: At the fringes of perception, beyond the boundaries of your mind, just past the glow of the firelight, out of the corner of your eyes, you will find an Edge Case.
RSS Feed: http://edgecase.libsyn.com/rss

9/10 Frijoles Y Arroz (Drama - Society)
Site: http://frijolesyarroz.buzzsprout.com/
Synopsis: A bumbling Porque Sheriff's Department struggles to combat crime and build community in this poignant comedy set in eccentric, small-town New Mexico. Frijoles Y Arroz is a pioneering narrative podcast using throwback stylings to tell a story of resistance in modern time. On a mission to create a Society where Intimacy is Safe for all. Frijoles Y Arroz was created to show the power of nonviolent conflict.
RSS Feed: https://feeds.buzzsprout.com/245563.rss

9/11: Scouters (Drama - Science fiction)
Site: https://whytaudio.podbean.com/
Synopsis: A fast paced science fiction audio drama following a team of brother's who travel the solar system fulfilling competitive bounty's in an post cyberpunk world for the highest bidder. Their next case? A low level drug smuggler and their only lead is seven hundred thousands miles from earth. Do they really have what it take to be a bounty hunter?
RSS Feed: https://feed.podbean.com/whytaudio/feed.xml

9/13: Fun City (Drama - Actual play)
Site: https://fun-city.simplecast.com/
Synopsis: A Shadowrun RPG realplay podcast with Jenn de la Vega, Nick Guercio, Shannon Odell, and Bijan Stephen. GM'd by Mike Rugnetta with troublemaker Taylor Moore.
RSS Feed: https://feeds.feedburner.com/funcityventures

9/14: Philip's Apocalypse (Fiction - Post-apocalypse)
Site: https://www.pastbedtimestudio.com/
Synopsis: Surviving the New World seems like an impossible task. Young Philip Parson has found himself alone, destitute, and embarked upon a difficult journey homeward.
RSS Feed: https://www.pastbedtimestudio.com/pafeed.rss

9/15: Aishi Online (Fiction - Thriller)
Site: https://www.miscellanymedia.online/
Synopsis: After returning to the social internet for podcasting, MJ decides to tell her own story. That of a digital friend she lost to time: Aishi. Whoever she was.
RSS Feed: https://feeds.blubrry.com/feeds/aishionline.xml

9/15: Disenchanted (Drama - Urban fantasy)
Site: http://disenchantedpod.libsyn.com/
Synopsis: Lyra inherits an old house from her father. While everything seems normal, there are secrets hidden inside this old home she will slowly discover.
RSS Feed: http://disenchantedpod.libsyn.com/rss

9/16: Passenger List (Drama - Thriller)
Site: https://passengerlist.org/
Synopsis: Atlantic Flight 702 has disappeared mid-flight between London and New York with 256 passengers on board. Kaitlin Le (Kelly Marie Tran), a college student whose twin brother vanished with the flight, is determined to uncover the truth.
RSS Feed: https://feed.passengerlist.org/

9/17: Weeping Cedars (Drama - Horror)
Site: http://www.allportsopen.com/TagHub.aspx?ID=134
Synopsis: A Narrative Horror Podcast about the small New York town of Weeping Cedars.
RSS Feed: http://www.allportsopen.com/Feeds.aspx?ID=11

9/22: How Ya Dyin'? (Drama - Anthology)
Site: https://www.howyadyin.com/
Synopsis: "How Ya Dyin'?" is a Dark Comedy Audio Fiction Anthology Series intended for a mature audience. A caricature of the concept of death itself, the series takes place in a world in which more than ninety percent of the earth's population is born with an unavoidable expiration date. As one may expect, these dates have had a myriad of effects on aspects of life ranging from the economy to entertainment.
RSS Feed: http://howyadyin.libsyn.com/rss

9/22: The Tower (Drama - Science fiction)
Site: https://www.tincanaudio.co.uk/thetower
Synopsis: A young woman leaves behind her isolated, suffocating existence to climb The Tower, an abandoned relic of a forgotten age, built by a proud king who wanted to rule the sky as well as the land. It stretches up into the sky, through the smog.
RSS Feed: http://thetower.libsyn.com/rss

9/23: The Sword & The Stoner (Drama - Comedy)
Site: https://tandonproductions.com/sword-stone
Synopsis: The Sword & The Stoner is a modern day, stoner comedy adaptation of the King Arthur legends. Instead of a legendary King and his Court Sorcerer, 2019 ended up with an average-at-best stoner and an over-the-top reality TV magician. Join Arthur and Merlin as they try to get stoned enough to forget their destiny, even as it comes for them with a vengeance.
RSS Feed: https://www.omnycontent.com/d/playlist/8948494d-fb14-4404-84db-a95100198e25/43f977e9-e6fa-44d6-8715-aac3005be6ec/1c223a14-0be2-4110-8572-aac3005e4296/podcast.rss

9/24: The Edge of Sleep (Drama - Thriller)
Site: https://www.qcodemedia.com/theedgeofsleep
Synopsis: When a night watchman finishes his shift at work, he is terrified to discover that everyone in the world who went to sleep the previous night has died. Now he and a band of survivors must stay awake and uncover the secret of this global epidemic, before they fall asleep.
RSS Feed: https://feeds.megaphone.fm/QCD1489535626

9/25: Mija Podcast (Fiction - Society)
Site: https://ochentastudio.com/mija-podcast
Synopsis: Hosted by a narrator known only as Mija (daughter in Spanish), each episode tells the story of how members of her family experience immigration. Hosted by a narrator known only as Mija (daughter in Spanish), each episode tells the story of how members of her family experience immigration.
RSS Feed: Available in French (https://rss.acast.com/mija-fr), English (https://rss.acast.com/mija-en), and Spanish (https://rss.acast.com/mija-es).

9/26 Defection (Drama - Politics)
Site: https://anchor.fm/defection
Synopsis: A new speculative thriller that is a very real cautionary tale. How strong is our government? Can our political institutions really survive a serious challenge?
RSS Feed: https://anchor.fm/s/2a5ee64/podcast/rss

9/26: Living in Fantasy (Fiction - Fantasy)
Site: https://encounterparty.com/living-in-fantasy
Synopsis: A weekly news program bringing you compelling stories of the real people in the fantasy realm.
RSS Feed: https://api.podcache.net/shows/c40ac466-d859-4e7c-b232-7bf10bcf4fde/feed

9/27: Game of Shadows (Fiction - Thriller)
Site: https://anchor.fm/game-of-shadows
Synopsis: Game of shadows is an audio drama that follows the life of Santiago Pérez, a cop from Miami. Let's just say things get intense..... Join us in this world of moving shadows.
RSS Feed: https://anchor.fm/s/dad4438/podcast/rss

9/28: Haunted Hell House of Horror (Drama - Comedy)
Site: https://hauntedgriffin.wixsite.com/index/bloody-burrow-of-blueberry-county
Synopsis: The Haunted Hell House of Horror is a comedy audio drama about people who work in a haunted house during the Halloween season.
RSS Feed: https://hhhohpod.libsyn.com/rss

9/29: Cryptids (Drama - Science fiction)
Site: http://www.wildobscurafilms.com/cryptids
Synopsis: Go on a monster hunt of lunar dimensions in this sci-fi mystery. Cryptids tells the story of a conspiracy radio show host and an avid listener who go in search of an afterlife. Instead they find a truth beyond their wildest nightmares. In this female driven, scripted, sci-fi audio drama, you'll meet monsters, aliens... and the ultimate grim reaper.
RSS Feed: https://feed.podbean.com/cryptidspodcast/feed.xml

9/30: Deadbeats (Drama - Real life)
Site: https://deadbeats.podbean.com/
Synopsis: When Kassidy Jones, a single mom with a daughter fresh in the throes of teenage delirium, and her newly unemployed friends decide to take child support enforcement into their own hands, a new business venture is formed: DEADBEATS INC, and No Child will be left behind...
RSS Feed: https://feed.podbean.com/deadbeats/feed.xml

9/30: Nulyn: The New Age (Drama - Fantasy)
Site: http://soundcloud.com/nulyn-the-new-age
Synopsis: Nulyn: The New Age follows the story of a young boy named Faylin, who will unexpectedly find himself in the wake of demons, beasts and magic artifacts, and an unexpected prophecy, of which he shall fulfill…
RSS Feed: http://feeds.soundcloud.com/users/soundcloud:users:705972958/sounds.rss

9/30: The Heads of Sierra Blanca (Drama - Mystery)
Site: https://www.headsofsierrablanca.com/
Synopsis: In 2007, a serial killer inspired by Rube Goldberg murdered Lorena Salas, Carlos Aniceto, and Ana Nuñez in Sierra Blanca, Texas then vanished never to be heard of again. Authorities believe that these murders were the collateral damage of a cartel turf war that spilled into Mexico. Though, Lorena's niece, Magdalena Salas, does not believe that story. The Heads of Sierra Blanca is an 8 episode podcast hosted by Magdalena and private investigator, Monica Rodriguez, following their investigative research concerning what really happened and who is responsible.
RSS Feed: https://sierrablanca.libsyn.com/rss
With thanks to u/ezgo22 for their contributions.

Previous months are available here:
And the ongoing updates (just in case you don't want to wait for the end of the month) are available here:
submitted by thecambridgegeek to audiodrama [link] [comments]

2019.09.05 07:44 Narrow_Succotash Upstate NY Wedding Recap: 65 people, $15K budget

First, the photos!
Second, the budget breakdown! Some numbers are approximate due to the passage of time and loss of receipts.
Venue: $125 - This included basically nothing but the physical space from morning until dusk. It was a state park pavilion on a lake.
Food: $3000 - Catered by a local BBQ chain. You might think it's tacky, but we really love BBQ. Cost included paper plates, utensils, an on-site smoker, buffet service, as well as an appetizer station which I only saw later in photos.
Drinks: $700 - Park regulations did not allow us to hire a bartender, so we just did self-serve beer and wine. The wine was from a local winery, and we received a bulk discount for buying by the case.
Floral: $1500 - We used a local farmer-florist, and I basically just asked her to do as much as she could within our budget. She exceeded all my expectations. Walking into our venue was like walking into a magical fairyland. It was beautiful. I did not give her a color scheme beyond "no blush" and "we like blue."
Paper: $150 - We used Vistaprint for save-the-dates and invitations. They were not at all fancy, but they were functional. Signage was provided by friends and our day-of-coordinator. We skipped programs since our ceremony was really straight-forward. We did not do table numbers or seat assignments. We had plenty of extra seating, though I understand this might have made some people uncomfortable.
Photography: $3200 - We might have overspent here, but it's so hard to know. Our photos came out great.
Rings: $2500 - Mine was 2K from the jeweler who made my engagement ring. His was from Costco. We love them both.
Hair and makeup: $375 - I did not have a bridal party, but I went to the salon with my officiant and SIL on the day of and paid for the three of us. It was a really lovely start to the day.
Attire: $2500 - I spent $1K on two dresses, both of which were samples by the same designer. I spent another $1K on alterations. I'm not sure what he spent on his suit, so the $500 is an estimate. I wore jewelry I already owned.
Music: $1180 - We spent $380 on a guitarist for the ceremony and $800 on a bluegrass band for the reception. They were both wonderful, but I still feel a little sorry for the band. The weather was so nice, everyone was outside enjoying the lake instead of inside listening to the music!
Cake: $250 - We had 3 flavors of mini-cupcakes, 1 flavor of large vegan cupcakes, and an 8-inch cutting cake.
Ice cream cart: $400 - My wedding day gift to my husband was a surprise ice cream cart. It was a big hit!
Coordinator: $1800 - And worth every single penny. She did all our set-up, most of our tear-down, and ran the whole thing so smoothly I almost felt like a real guest!
Rentals: $500 - We had to rent chairs for the ceremony and a few tables with linens. How this somehow cost $500, I will never understand.
Miscellaneous: $300 - This includes our marriage license, coloring books for the kids, some lawn games, frit for glass ceremony, a few shoe misadventures...
Total: ~ $18.5K
So, we did go over budget. But we were prepared for that, and I really don't regret much of the spending, even as silly as the two dresses may seem. It was so nice to be able to do our first dance and play badminton in a dress I didn't have to bustle. That said, no regrets on the ballgown for the ceremony. It was stunning, and I will never have an opportunity to wear something like that again.
  1. Clean up your getting-ready space. I have so many photos of getting ready that would be beautiful, were it not for the clutter.
  2. Re-use where you can. All the candle holders I used at my wedding were recycled from a friend's wedding 10 months prior.
  3. When in doubt, pay someone else to do it. I had thought about doing the flowers myself and asking friends to help move chairs around, but just paying the money to hire help reduced so much stress.
  4. Hire the right vendors. My vendors were excellent, across the board. All the time spent stalking the internet to find the "right" baker, coordinator, band, photographer, etc, was all time well-spent.
  5. Let it go. Not everything went right. My hair wasn't perfect, I forgot to re-apply my lipstick, I sometimes regret skipping certain traditions, but at the end of the day, we got married. And that was the whole point.
submitted by Narrow_Succotash to weddingplanning [link] [comments]

2019.08.14 03:28 UlfhednarTV Newbie in need of help; picking custom SW paint scheme

Newbie in need of help; picking custom SW paint scheme
Greetings, peoples of the internets!
Having finally pulled the trigger and ordered my very first miniatures - after a solid decade of obsessively devouring the lore of 40K - I am currently in the process of working out a custom colour-scheme for my Space Wolves army. Given that my only experience with model painting stems from a half-finished model airplane misadventure, dating back about two decades and change, there's a lot that I don't know - and since my "local" games store is half-way across the country, meaning I can't look at any of these paints in person, I could really use some help from someone more experienced to help me finalize and tweak the paint- and colour selection I'm making for my army.
Primer: I don't see any benefit of going with black primer for the paint-scheme I'm planning, so I anticipate using a mix of Corax White, Grey Seer, and possibly Wraithbone in rattle cans to get me started.
Base colours: For the main colour of my largely monochromatic army, I decided to go with RAL 7006, as it's a colour I'm quite fond of, that I've used extensively for other purposes, and - if I may be allowed a small pun - I feel will give my army a more down-to-earth feel than the canonical pale light blue of the Space Wolves, which I quite frankly am not at all a fan of. So far in my research, the closest match I've been able to come up with are Vallejo's "Beige Brown" 70.875 and "Khaki Grey" 70.880 model colours - though if anyone knows of a better alternative, I'd love to hear about it.
- "Abaddon Black" or equivalent, for all things black. - "Corax White" or equivalent, for all things white. - "Averland Sunset" for the Blackmane's Great Company insignia on shoulder pads and vehicles. - "The Fang" for Scout colours, as well as use on vehicles. - "Mechanicus Standard Grey"; I need a medium dark charcoal colour, and it seems to fit the bill, but I'm happy to take suggestions for alternatives. - "XV-88" for pouches/holsters, as well as pelts. - "Rhinox Hide" for hides/pelts, and I imagine it will come in handy for basing as well.
Metallic colours: For metallics, I know I need a dark, rich copper colour, as well as a gunmetal grey for trim and weapons - but I honestly have no idea how GW and Vallejo's metallics look in real life, so I would really appreciate some suggestions on this. I imagine a silver for edge highlighting might also be a reasonable thing to pick up at some point.
Layer paints: - "Lothern Blue" for lenses, power weapons and optics - "Cadian Fleshtone" for flesh and pelts - "Kislev Flesh" for...flesh
Shades: - "Nuln Oil" for the dark nooks and crannies - "Agrax Earthshade" for general armour shading - "Reikland Fleshshade" for flesh - "Seraphim Sepia" for pelts

This just about sums up the list I've managed to compile on my own, after trying to absorb as many paint tutorials as possible over the last month or so - but I'm sure there are things I simply haven't thought of, or glanced over, and quite possibly some sub-optimal choices I've made - which is what I hope you guys can help me figure out, and I'd like to say in advance that I greatly appreciate whatever advice and feedback you can provide - thank you!
submitted by UlfhednarTV to SpaceWolves [link] [comments]

2019.07.11 00:23 Vullein070 Everything we know about The Cuphead Show!

The Cuphead Show!

The character-driven comedy follows the unique misadventures of the impulsive Cuphead and his cautious but easily swayed brother Mugman. Through their many misadventures across their surreal home of the Inkwell Isles, they’ve always got one another’s backs.
Link to Netflix Page
Recently, Netflix and King Features Syndicate, a part of Hearst Entertainment and Syndication jointly announced an all-new animated series The Cuphead Show!, based on Studio MDHR’s award-winning video game Cuphead™, the wildly popular global phenomenon. The game that has won the hearts and minds of fans with its gorgeous retro hand-animated style, crazy boss-brawls, and challenging gameplay will come to life on television for the first time ever in The Cuphead Show!. The new series will expand on the characters and world of Cuphead, with an animation style inspired by the classic Fleischer cartoons from the 1930s.
For King Features, CJ Kettler will serve as the Executive Producer and creators Chad and Jared Moldenhauer will serve as Executive Producers for Studio MDHR. The series will be produced by Netflix Animation and is executive produced by Emmy and Annie Award-winning producer, Dave Wasson (Mickey Mouse Shorts) and Cosmo Segurson (Rocko’s Modern Life: Static Cling) serves as co-executive producer.
To date, Cuphead™ has sold over 4 million units worldwide, and has won over 20 major awards, including Special Achievement in Animation at the 45th Annual Annie Awards, Xbox One’s Game of the Year, a BAFTA Games award for Music, and a trio of statues at the 2017 Game Awards for Best Debut, Best Independent Game, and Best Art Direction. The game continues to be celebrated by fans for its arcade-action gameplay, highly original art design, and an award-winning soundtrack featuring almost three hours of original jazz, early big band, and ragtime music.
This announcement marks the first long-form animated series production for King Features since announcing their strategy to build character franchises across multiple platforms including television, digital video, licensing and social media. Cuphead has already made its mark in the consumer products space with a unique program featuring an array of domestic and international deals. Best-in-class partners include Funko, McFarlane Toys, Dark Horse Comics, Elope, Jay Franco + Sons, 1000 Toys, Fifth Sun, Just Funky and retail partnerships with Target, Walmart, Hot Topic, Spencer’s, Gamestop and others.

About Studio MDHR

Studio MDHR is a Canadian independent studio founded by brothers Chad and Jared Moldenhauer. Their first game CUPHEAD™ centers around plucky brothers Cuphead and Mugman in their quest to pay back their debt to The Devil! Across the strange worlds of the Inkwell Isles, players battle massive, screen-filling bosses, acquire new weapons, and discover hidden secrets in single player or local co-op. Inspired by a mixture of classic run-and-gun action video games and cartoons of the 1930s, Cuphead’s visuals and audio are painstakingly created with the same techniques of the era: traditional hand-drawn cel animation, watercolor backgrounds and original jazz recordings. The game launched on Xbox One as well as Windows 10 PC, Steam and GOG, and has since come to Nintendo Switch. Studio MDHR is currently hard at work on a downloadable content pack for Cuphead entitled The Delicious Last Course, due out in 2020.

About King Features

King Features, a member of the Hearst Entertainment & Syndication Group, is one of the largest and most experienced organizations in classic consumer product merchandising and licensing as well as the world’s premier distributor of comics, columns, puzzles and games to print and digital outlets worldwide. King represents some of the most recognizable iconic property franchises, including “Popeye,” “Betty Boop,” “Flash Gordon,” “The Phantom,” “Mandrake the Magician” and “Hägar the Horrible.” For more information, please visit www.kingfeatures.com.

About Netflix

Netflix is the world's leading internet entertainment service with 148 million paid memberships in over 190 countries enjoying TV series, documentaries and feature films across a wide variety of genres and languages. Members can watch as much as they want, anytime, anywhere, on any Internet-connected screen. Members can play, pause and resume watching, all without commercials or commitments.

Interview with The Hollywood Reporter

What is Studio MDHR’s involvement in the new Netflix series?
As the team that's been steeped in this world and these characters for so long, we're here to help guide the folks at Netflix in bringing the characters of Cuphead to life in a way that feels as authentic as possible. With that said, the creative team at Netflix Animation on this show — led by Dave Wasson and Cosmo Segurson — are spectacular. We can't wait to see the depth and nuance they bring to the Inkwell Isles, and are thrilled with what we've seen so far.
Will the series feature the same animation style as the game?
Right now we aren't sharing any specific details on the show's visual style. For more news as it becomes available, stay tuned to our social channels, Netflix's social channels, or the new Cuphead Show Twitter feed. With that said, we're keen to stay as far away from computer-assisted puppeteer animation as possible and are proud to be working with a creative team that really believes in the value of hand animation.
Who is doing the music? Will it be the same style as the show?
While there's a shared reverence between ourselves and Netflix for the jazz, big band, and orchestral music that was featured in Cuphead, we don't have anything to announce at this time about the music for The Cuphead show.
Will the show be voice-acted or is it silent like the era it shares its style with?
This is something you'll want to stay tuned to find out about!
The game has some more “mature” elements like smoking and gambling. Is this new show aimed at a younger audience or an older one?
While The Cuphead Show will definitely be approachable to a younger audience, it's being crafted with broad appeal in mind. We feel like it's something that kids will love, but which will keep parents and those who have played Cuphead engaged with the inspiration it takes from the cartoon classics of the 1930s and humor that plays on multiple levels.
Will the show tie in with the game or do they just share thematic elements?
Something we were really focused on from the outset as this partnership started taking shape was ensuring the creative team at Netflix didn't feel the need to be too adherent to the exact events of Cuphead the game. While we certainly want people to recognize these characters and this setting, The Cuphead Show is ultimately telling its own distinct story. We liken it to the way that Mickey Mouse can — at any given time — be a pilot, a baker or a hot dog maker! We want Cuphead to have a versatility that allows for talented creators to play around in this world and tell compelling stories of their own.
What about working with Netflix was appealing? Were you approached by other streamers? Did you pitch this to Netflix or did they come to you?
I feel like everyone grew up watching shows that still stick with them today. For Jared and I, this was classic 1930s cartoons, but everyone I know has fond memories of sitting in front of the TV with friends and family. In many ways, this is what Netflix is for people today, a place they can come to see amazing stories and find the classics that resonate with them. So the idea of our little animated adventure getting to sit alongside some of the amazing original programming that's already on the platform is surreal, and a real "full circle" moment for us. In terms of the way this came about, that was very much a product of hard work on the part of our licensing partner King Features. Since Cuphead's release, they have been our partners for merchandising, and they approached us with the idea of bringing Cuphead to other forms of entertainment. We didn't have any specific hopes or expectations about what this meant, and when we heard there was interest from Netflix as a creative partner, we were blown away.
What does the development of this show mean for the possibility of a sequel to Cuphead?
Right now, as a studio, our full energies are dedicated to development of Cuphead's DLC expansion, The Delicious Last Course, which we recently announced is being shifted to a 2020 release window so that we can give it the care and attention we feel it deserves. We're pouring our hearts into making sure it's a new Cuphead adventure that fans will love, and don't have any other announcements to make beyond that right now.
Does MDHR have plans to keep expanding Cuphead beyond video games and TV? A possible film, merchandising, et cetera?
I don't think we ever could have expected Cuphead to resonate with as many people as it has, and we continue to be grateful every day for that. We hadn't even planned to make more games after Cuphead! We were fully prepared to go back to our day jobs, and are still blown away that fans have allowed us to keep doing what we love. All of which is to say, our plans right now are really just focused on continuing to craft 2D hand-animated video game content as long as people keep enjoying it. Beyond that, we're excited to see what the future holds.
submitted by Vullein070 to TheCupheadShow [link] [comments]

2019.07.04 01:51 mialbowy The Misadventure Of A Woman Reincarnated As A Nobleman’s Son [Prologue]

Chapter 1
I, a twenty-eight-year-old straight woman, wanted to play a dating sim aimed at horny teenage boys for the most pitiable reason: to see how I should act to be seen as cute.
Please don’t make me repeat that.
It came off a string of first dates that didn’t so much crash and burn as awkwardly fizzle out. Growing up and even in my twenties, I’d been told I wasn’t cute, wasn’t girly. I had an on-off relationship with self-hate over that. Worn down by this particularly bad run of rejections, I was desperate and drunk enough to do something crazy.
The Key To Her Heart was, allegedly, the most popular dating sim on a certain website of slightly-less-than-legal repute. A game where I played as a character that “seduces” one of several other characters. In this case, I was a nobleman’s son “choosing” a fiancée at a posh boarding school in pseudo-Victorian England. The character being fifteen was enough to stop me before I downloaded it, but it was listed as not including “Adult CGs” and apparently rated at PG-13, so I thought I would give it a shot—the ratings and reviews really were so incredibly good.
As I said, alcohol also played a part in my decision. But I was soon cursing the beer can that I couldn’t put down, because I absolutely sucked at making teenage girls fall in love with me. Somehow, I managed to say or do the wrong thing. There were usually only two or three options, so, to consistently choose the wrong one, I was basically a genius at repulsing women.
I persevered anyway. The game came with options to save and load, so I could go through all the choices and see which went best, but it wasn’t always clear until much later in the game which choice was actually right. It got so bad I broke out a piece of paper, scavenging across my flat for a pen that still worked. At some point, I managed to forget why I was even doing all of this, lost in my emotional seduction of schoolgirls. Perhaps the only lesson I did learn was that playing hard-to-get would have worked amazingly well on me.
And then, after playing through the entire night, I finally made it to one of the girl’s rooms where she was surely going to give me the “key to her heart”.
That bitch stabbed me.
The laughter bubbled up inside until I had to let it out, rubbing my tired eyes, sinking to rest on the desk. It was a troll game. Of course it had such good ratings and reviews. If the Internet was good at one thing, it was making people waste their time—such as by playing a game where the “good ending” was being murdered. Delirious, I passed out, falling into a patchy sleep in front of my computer.
From there… the next thing I knew I was in warm water, no current to it. Warm like a mother’s embrace. And I was sinking. Then a hand reached out, grabbing me, pulling, and the water was an icy torrent, trying to drag me down, but the painfully tight grip never faltered. In a last heave, I was pulled onto a riverbank. My lungs burned, body prickled, numb and yet it was like my blood turned to pins and needles, poking through my very flesh.
Managing to open my eyes, a strange sight met me: a man in an old-fashioned suit, and women dressed up as maids (the outfits stretching down to their ankles), and another man, his clothes soaking wet but otherwise the same suit without the jacket. When I looked down, my trembling hands were smaller than I remembered. The wrong shape.
On instinct, I turned.
“Oh thank goodness. Master Albert is all right,” one of the maids said.
Albert, I was Albert. That thought swirled around my head as they bundled me back into the coach, stripping off my wet clothes and putting on fresh ones, blankets draped over me. For hours, we travelled in silence. The scenery outside showed no tarmac roads, no cars, no distant wind turbines nor skyscrapers.
I was now Albert Luton, eleven years old, second son of the Viscount of Luton. This coach would take me to a boarding school for boys on the outskirts of Cambridge. There, I would spend four years before moving on to a coed school. In my time at the coed school, I would be expected to introduce myself to the girls and at least leave a good impression. It wouldn’t be expected for me to have an engagement by the end of the three years schooling, but it wouldn’t be a surprise if I did or otherwise have a good relationship with one of the girls.
And the coed school, that was the setting for The Key To Her Heart.
I’d been sleeping at my desk. What happened next, I couldn’t remember. But I must have woken up in the morning and looked for breakfast, and my fridge was empty so I grumbled and shuffled off to the newsagent down the road, and… the river. I thought I must have fallen into the river and drowned.
This, then, was my own, personal hell. Brought back to the schooldays that had broken me more times than I could count, mixed with the game which had kicked me (hard) while I was already at rock bottom. If only I’d downloaded a game where I was the doted princess of a beloved king, engaged to a handsome, caring noble. That was the sort of game I should have been playing to heal my broken heart.
As the sun fell, the boarding school not far away, a mewling sound broke the rough silence of old coach wheels on a dirt road. I looked around, trying to find the source. One of the maids held a small bundle of blankets, bouncing it like there was a child inside, softly shushing it.
She looked up and caught my eye, immediately bowing her head. “I am sorry, sir. The kitten must be hungry.”
“Kitten?” I half-said, half-asked.
Hesitation flickered in her expression. “The kitten which you rescued, sir.”
I had taken a short walk while the horses were fed and come to a river, or rather Albert had, the memory coming back to me. There’d been a splash. Albert had looked and seen a small animal lost to the currents, and he had tried to reach out to grab it, but it had been just a little too far, losing his footing.
Then there’d been the cold, pressing in from all sides, digging into his skin. Even if he’d wanted to scream, the icy water had already sucked all strength from him. Sinking, dragged to a darkness he couldn’t escape.
I must have chosen a good day to drown myself, my experience a lot nicer. But, maybe, I had died the same way, trying to rescue a cat or something like that.
“May I see it?” I asked, the polite choice of words coming naturally to Albert’s body.
She again looked reluctant, yet gave in, pulling the blanket back a bit and tilting the bundle towards me. I made no move to take it from her. The kitten was wrapped up much like me, and it certainly looked cute. Far cuter than I’d ever been.
“Is it a boy or a girl?” I asked.
“A girl, sir.”
I smiled to myself. “Would you call her Alice, and raise her kindly at the estate?”
“Of course, sir, if Lord Luton consents.”
So she said, but I doubted she would trouble Albert’s father over a matter as trivial as a cat. Then again, I wouldn’t have been surprised to later find out Alice was slaughtered, little worth put on any animals life in this time. Still, since Albert’s youngest sister had a pet cat, I thought Alice would be fine.
“My youngest sister,” I whispered, correcting my thoughts.
“Pardon, sir?”
I shook my head, letting the disconnect I felt pass. “Nothing.”
Alice, it had been a name too cute for me, but it would suit this kitten well. From now on, I was Albert.
And I would live out this hell.
Chapter 1
submitted by mialbowy to mialbowy [link] [comments]

2019.06.18 12:33 The_Tone-Deafs Welp that went well...

So Ive been without internet for a while and have been playing mc in the meantime as my time dump. I loaded up an old world I'd barely done anything but add farms and a pretty bad little housy home to that honestly was pretty annoying to get around and got to work. Pretty soon I was hard at work building what has become my favorite world to date. I literally moved mountains and dug a tunnel all the way to the stronghold located rather far off. I had no idea how much has been added to this game. I brought everything available to my plateau and made an amazing forest. I fought and defeated the ender dargon. 3 times because my my first end city glitched my second was lacking a city so third time was the charm. Now im basically able to carry my base with me via shulker boxes and end chest. I raided mansions, ocean temples, and nether forts gathering everything I could get my hands on. I filled chests with cobbles and iron. Got a dope set of mending gear and even defended a village (barely, 2 survived) so I could get tons of emeralds. I explored as far as the world would let me to find a few orange flowers so I could finally make that orange bed I always wanted only to realize after I had scoured the world and succeeded that red and yellow dye was all I needed. I spent hours roaming jungle biomes to find bamboo and ended up finding it on a sunken ship of all places instead. I mastered potions, swam with dolphins, filled my lifeless ocean with kelp, coral and seagrass. Even have a conduit going now.
The last thing I need is to conquer a wither so I can make a beacon. I have been collecting wither skulls but only had two so far. I'd of course put them on display for my snowman butler to observe. I just needed one more and was about to head out but had been doing some real life shizzle and left my game unpaused. At some point I accidentally hit my remote and turned on fire spreading. Normally this wouldn't be a problem Ive kept a fireplace for sometime and its solid but I recently added a trash furnace and mistakenly put carpet up to it. It of course spread then burned up from my basement and destroyed my home. I didnt realize until I heard the cat Id put in my bedroom dying and by then it was almost entirely engulfed. My two heads were destroyed! Snowbro and cat deceased. House burned to its cobblestone foundation. Forest nearly went up too but a break in the tree line saved it. Accidentally killed myself trying to extinguish the flames and lost mending pants with 4 protection. Cursed as i found them in end city. I got the whole event recorded and just so happen to be staring directly at where the fire began. Have rebuilt but the cat will be hard to replace.
Anyway... Does anyone know of a better way to obtain those skullz? Where should I fight wither when I do? Best biome, close to or away from home? Do cats scare creepers or just ocelots? Any suggestions for adventures to undertake? And please feel free to tell me of your own misadventures or the time you burned down your own crib.
Edit: We're in buisness boys! 3 wither skullz in pocket, ready slay some evil. Any last minute advice would be appreciated. And of course thank you for that already given.
Mission was a success. Just get in there and slap em up as soon as you get the chance.
submitted by The_Tone-Deafs to PSMinecraft [link] [comments]

2019.04.19 02:04 DTG_Bot This Week At Bungie 4/18/2019

Source: https://www.bungie.net/en/News/Article/47781
This week at Bungie, the Revelry has begun.
Everyone’s favorite space grandma has returned to the Tower, and the Revelry is in full swing. Pick up your Reveler's Tonic, then set out to the Verdant Forest and beyond. Arbalest, our first Kinetic Linear Fusion Rifle, is now available to be earned by all players of Destiny 2. You can get the full details on the event in our Revelry event page.
There is one more Revelry reward we haven’t mentioned yet. Bungie Rewards is offering an emblem for eliminating 150 enemies with Super abilities during the Revelry. After you’re done dealing out space magic, claim the Super Celebratory Triumph, and then go to the Bungie Rewards Page to claim your reward!

Story Telling

The Drifter has a lot more to say than “Ding!”
Earlier today, we opened a window into the world of narrative design with a conversation about the stories our writers have been telling this season. If you haven’t watched it yet, here it is again...
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Would you like to know more? Some of these same faces represented the team that spins yarn across the solar system in a conversation with Polygon. You can read the full article here.

Iron Islands

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It’s time once again for one of Destiny’s oldest traditions, the Iron Banner. Lord Saladin returns to his perch at the top of the Tower next week to hold this battle between Guardians for control of territory.
Iron Banner and Double Valor
Start: 10 AM PDT on April 23
End: 10 AM PDT on April 30
Iron Burden was an experiment for Season 6. After reviewing community feedback, we are not planning to bring it back in Season 7. You will have this Iron Banner and one more to earn your Wizened Rebuke. And if you really want to showboat, you can use these next two Iron Banners to get 2,500 burdened kills for the “Now You’re Just Showing Off” Triumph. Completing this Triumph will reward the “Heavy as Death” emblem.
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Lord Saladin will also have the following weapons available for purchase in his inventory.
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Ghostly Blades

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A few weeks ago, we let you know that we had some plans to adjust Spectral Blades in an upcoming update. The Sandbox Team has the details on what changes are in store.
Sandbox Team: As you’re all aware, Spectral Blades has been running amok in the Crucible. Below, you’ll find a brief on our plans to reign it in a bit. The two main issues are the length of the Super, especially combined with Gwisin Vest, and the survivability of the player while it is active. To address this, we have made the following changes to hit those specific issues:

Damage Reduction

  • Out-of-stealth DR reduced from 60% to 52%
  • In-stealth DR reduced from 62% to 54.4%
Previously, this Super had the highest damage reduction of all the roaming Supers, either in stealth or not. This change reduces Spectral Blades to have the lowest DR of all the roaming Supers while stealth is not active and to be in line with the low end while stealth is active. With stealth, vision through walls, and fast, shifty movement, this Super ability actually has a lot of built-in survivability. This means a lower DR will demand better planning and positioning to survive for multiple kills, which lines up well with the fantasy of the path.
This is also a first step toward trying out a roaming Super with lower damage reduction, so let us know what you think.

Super Duration

  • Super length out of stealth with no attacking: 17.5 -> 14.5 seconds
  • Super length in stealth with no attacking: 26.6 -> 23.5 seconds
  • Light melee cost increased by 50%
Basically, we reduced the duration by 3 seconds overall. We want you to feel like you have time to plan in stealth with the understanding that you need to be deliberate and swift with your strikes. Additionally, we increased the cost of the light melee attack. It may seem like a lot on paper, but previously it was almost nothing. Now you need to think just a little bit before spamming away. We didn’t want to make it cost too much, as it’s the only way to chase people down, but it did need to have at least a small visible cost to make it more of a choice.

Gwisin Vest

We are looking at Gwisin Vest now and playing with some changes. We also want to see how these initial changes go. If we decide to change Gwisin, you will see it in Season 7.

Kilts for Kids

In its eighth year, Seattle Ronald McDonald House is hosting its annual Men in Kilts Kilts for Kids fundraiser! This event is a Bungie favorite, and we are thrilled about the more inclusive rebrand. Help us achieve our $77k goal, and cast your vote for Team Bungie by donating $10 or more. Every $30 donated will pay for a family to stay at the House for one night. Head to the RMHC Donation Page to cast your votes by Friday, May 3 at 5 PM PDT!
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Need a sweeter incentive? Check out these backer rewards for donating to Kilts for Kids!
  • $50: Receive an exclusive Kilts for Kids 2019 Destiny emblem
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  • $100: The prize above, plus receive a postcard signed by our K4K team and mailed to you
  • $250: All prizes above, plus receive a digital print of exclusive art made by Mark Flieg
  • $500: All prizes above, plus receive a physical print of Mark’s exclusive art
  • $1,000: All prizes above, plus participate in a Bungie studio visit with you and two guests, dates scheduled quarterly in 2019/2020 and announced separately to donors after the event concludes
    • All travel and hotel accommodations are the sole responsibility of the donor
  • Top 50 Donors: Receive a signed PS4 Destiny 2 Collector’s Edition
    • Ties will be broken by donations received at the earliest date.
*An email will be sent to donors at each prize tier at the end of the event, no later than Wednesday, May 10, with instructions on redeeming each prize
As a reminder, the Gauntlet Tabletop tournament is in full swing! A huge thank you to everyone who has already participated. There’s still plenty of time to support—head to our Gauntlet Team Page.

Missing Eva

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The Player Support team is always at your service. They keep a watchful eye over the Help forum and are ready at a moment’s notice to provide information on emerging issues.
This is their report.

Arc Week Emote

Last week, after Update 2.2.1 launched, some players who purchased the Resting Storm Bundle were given the Titan Striker’s Patience emote instead of the Warlock Stormcaller’s Patience emote.
We have identified the players who received the wrong emote, and they will receive the correct one in a future update. Players will also receive an in-game message confirming they received the correct emote.

Breaking the Rules

Eva Levante has invited all players to celebrate life and break a few rules in Destiny 2’s live spring event, the Revelry. Players must complete the introductory milestone offered by Eva Levante before they will be granted access to the Verdant Forest.
Players looking for information about participation requirements, gameplay, Triumphs, and more can view our Destiny 2: The Revelry Guide.
Players have until the weekly reset on May 7 to claim and complete all Revelry Triumphs.

Orb Generation and GUITAR Errors

Earlier today, we announced that we were disabling precision kill Orb generation in raids, Gambit and Gambit Prime due to the Orbs causing frequent GUITAR errors, leading to players being removed from those activities. We also disabled this functionality in competitive Crucible.
Revelry Triumphs and bounties that require Orb generation can still be completed in other activities listed on them. For more information, click here.

The Revelry Vital Info and Known Issues

While players down their Reveler’s Tonic to jump into the Verdant Forest, they may experience a few issues that we’re investigating:
  • Eva Levante Missing: We're investigating an issue where Eva Levante doesn't appear for some players in the Tower. Players who can’t find Eva may need to log out and log back in, then try launching into the Annex area instead of the Courtyard.
  • Virescent Emblem Tracking: We're investigating an issue where the Virescent emblem doesn't track the deepest branch reached during a single run of the Verdant Forest.
  • Unlocking the Verdant Forest: You need 50 Reveler's Essence to open the Verdant Forest. Players must use the 50 Reveler's Essence by inspecting the Reveler's Tonic and choosing one of the three Good Moods. Players can acquire more Essence by completing various activities in Destiny 2, including public events, strikes, Crucible, Gambit, Escalation Protocol, and forges.
  • Verdant Light Triumphs and Orbs: For Orbs of Light to count towards the Verdant Light Triumphs, players must get precision kills that generate Orbs while affected by Revelric Light to count toward these Triumphs.
Players can review our Revelry Known Issues section for more known issues and vital information about the Revelry and are encouraged to report other issues to the #Help forum.
Other Known Issues
  • Ascendant Challenge Lore: We’re investigating an issue where Dreaming City lore isn’t dropping for players who complete Ascendant Challenges.
  • One Skip Ahead Triumph: Players who are having issues unlocking this Triumph must complete the entire Tier III Reckoning activity from beginning to end.
  • Sealed Ahamkara Grasps and "Nightmare Fuel" Perk: We’re investigating an issue where this perk doesn’t activate when Hunters use Knife Trick or a Tractor Cannon.
  • Wizened Rebuke and Collections: We’re investigating an issue where this weapon can’t be obtained from Collections.
  • Antaeus Wards and Misadventures: We’re investigating issues where players die due to misadventures when wearing these Exotic boots, as well as where projectiles may no longer be deflecting.
  • Blink Jump: We’re investigating an issue where players may not be able to Blink Jump when invading in Gambit or in other areas around the game.
For more known issues that DPS is tracking, players are encouraged to review our Destiny 2 Known Issues support page. As always, players should report any issues they are experiencing to the #Help forum.

Internet Flicks

Image Linkimgur
It’s time to award some emblems to the creators of our favorite videos of the week. If you want your shot at winning, the best place to post your video is on our Creations page. If you do win, make sure you tag everyone who worked on the video in the description. Here are this week’s winners!
Movie of the Week: Saturn Moon
Video Link
Honorable Mention: So Many Shields
Video Link
I’ve seen a steady stream of Arbalests in my feed as Guardians report on their acquired goods. Let us know what you think of the new Exotic. I plan on diving into the Revelry this weekend to get mine. See you out there.
<3 Cozmo
submitted by DTG_Bot to LowSodiumDestiny [link] [comments]

2019.04.19 02:03 DTG_Bot This Week At Bungie 4/18/2019

Source: https://www.bungie.net/en/News/Article/47781
This week at Bungie, the Revelry has begun.
Everyone’s favorite space grandma has returned to the Tower, and the Revelry is in full swing. Pick up your Reveler's Tonic, then set out to the Verdant Forest and beyond. Arbalest, our first Kinetic Linear Fusion Rifle, is now available to be earned by all players of Destiny 2. You can get the full details on the event in our Revelry event page.
There is one more Revelry reward we haven’t mentioned yet. Bungie Rewards is offering an emblem for eliminating 150 enemies with Super abilities during the Revelry. After you’re done dealing out space magic, claim the Super Celebratory Triumph, and then go to the Bungie Rewards Page to claim your reward!

Story Telling

The Drifter has a lot more to say than “Ding!”
Earlier today, we opened a window into the world of narrative design with a conversation about the stories our writers have been telling this season. If you haven’t watched it yet, here it is again...
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Would you like to know more? Some of these same faces represented the team that spins yarn across the solar system in a conversation with Polygon. You can read the full article here.

Iron Islands

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It’s time once again for one of Destiny’s oldest traditions, the Iron Banner. Lord Saladin returns to his perch at the top of the Tower next week to hold this battle between Guardians for control of territory.
Iron Banner and Double Valor
Start: 10 AM PDT on April 23
End: 10 AM PDT on April 30
Iron Burden was an experiment for Season 6. After reviewing community feedback, we are not planning to bring it back in Season 7. You will have this Iron Banner and one more to earn your Wizened Rebuke. And if you really want to showboat, you can use these next two Iron Banners to get 2,500 burdened kills for the “Now You’re Just Showing Off” Triumph. Completing this Triumph will reward the “Heavy as Death” emblem.
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Lord Saladin will also have the following weapons available for purchase in his inventory.
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Ghostly Blades

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A few weeks ago, we let you know that we had some plans to adjust Spectral Blades in an upcoming update. The Sandbox Team has the details on what changes are in store.
Sandbox Team: As you’re all aware, Spectral Blades has been running amok in the Crucible. Below, you’ll find a brief on our plans to reign it in a bit. The two main issues are the length of the Super, especially combined with Gwisin Vest, and the survivability of the player while it is active. To address this, we have made the following changes to hit those specific issues:

Damage Reduction

  • Out-of-stealth DR reduced from 60% to 52%
  • In-stealth DR reduced from 62% to 54.4%
Previously, this Super had the highest damage reduction of all the roaming Supers, either in stealth or not. This change reduces Spectral Blades to have the lowest DR of all the roaming Supers while stealth is not active and to be in line with the low end while stealth is active. With stealth, vision through walls, and fast, shifty movement, this Super ability actually has a lot of built-in survivability. This means a lower DR will demand better planning and positioning to survive for multiple kills, which lines up well with the fantasy of the path.
This is also a first step toward trying out a roaming Super with lower damage reduction, so let us know what you think.

Super Duration

  • Super length out of stealth with no attacking: 17.5 -> 14.5 seconds
  • Super length in stealth with no attacking: 26.6 -> 23.5 seconds
  • Light melee cost increased by 50%
Basically, we reduced the duration by 3 seconds overall. We want you to feel like you have time to plan in stealth with the understanding that you need to be deliberate and swift with your strikes. Additionally, we increased the cost of the light melee attack. It may seem like a lot on paper, but previously it was almost nothing. Now you need to think just a little bit before spamming away. We didn’t want to make it cost too much, as it’s the only way to chase people down, but it did need to have at least a small visible cost to make it more of a choice.

Gwisin Vest

We are looking at Gwisin Vest now and playing with some changes. We also want to see how these initial changes go. If we decide to change Gwisin, you will see it in Season 7.

Kilts for Kids

In its eighth year, Seattle Ronald McDonald House is hosting its annual Men in Kilts Kilts for Kids fundraiser! This event is a Bungie favorite, and we are thrilled about the more inclusive rebrand. Help us achieve our $77k goal, and cast your vote for Team Bungie by donating $10 or more. Every $30 donated will pay for a family to stay at the House for one night. Head to the RMHC Donation Page to cast your votes by Friday, May 3 at 5 PM PDT!
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Need a sweeter incentive? Check out these backer rewards for donating to Kilts for Kids!
  • $50: Receive an exclusive Kilts for Kids 2019 Destiny emblem
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  • $100: The prize above, plus receive a postcard signed by our K4K team and mailed to you
  • $250: All prizes above, plus receive a digital print of exclusive art made by Mark Flieg
  • $500: All prizes above, plus receive a physical print of Mark’s exclusive art
  • $1,000: All prizes above, plus participate in a Bungie studio visit with you and two guests, dates scheduled quarterly in 2019/2020 and announced separately to donors after the event concludes
    • All travel and hotel accommodations are the sole responsibility of the donor
  • Top 50 Donors: Receive a signed PS4 Destiny 2 Collector’s Edition
    • Ties will be broken by donations received at the earliest date.
*An email will be sent to donors at each prize tier at the end of the event, no later than Wednesday, May 10, with instructions on redeeming each prize
As a reminder, the Gauntlet Tabletop tournament is in full swing! A huge thank you to everyone who has already participated. There’s still plenty of time to support—head to our Gauntlet Team Page.

Missing Eva

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The Player Support team is always at your service. They keep a watchful eye over the Help forum and are ready at a moment’s notice to provide information on emerging issues.
This is their report.

Arc Week Emote

Last week, after Update 2.2.1 launched, some players who purchased the Resting Storm Bundle were given the Titan Striker’s Patience emote instead of the Warlock Stormcaller’s Patience emote.
We have identified the players who received the wrong emote, and they will receive the correct one in a future update. Players will also receive an in-game message confirming they received the correct emote.

Breaking the Rules

Eva Levante has invited all players to celebrate life and break a few rules in Destiny 2’s live spring event, the Revelry. Players must complete the introductory milestone offered by Eva Levante before they will be granted access to the Verdant Forest.
Players looking for information about participation requirements, gameplay, Triumphs, and more can view our Destiny 2: The Revelry Guide.
Players have until the weekly reset on May 7 to claim and complete all Revelry Triumphs.

Orb Generation and GUITAR Errors

Earlier today, we announced that we were disabling precision kill Orb generation in raids, Gambit and Gambit Prime due to the Orbs causing frequent GUITAR errors, leading to players being removed from those activities. We also disabled this functionality in competitive Crucible.
Revelry Triumphs and bounties that require Orb generation can still be completed in other activities listed on them. For more information, click here.

The Revelry Vital Info and Known Issues

While players down their Reveler’s Tonic to jump into the Verdant Forest, they may experience a few issues that we’re investigating:
  • Eva Levante Missing: We're investigating an issue where Eva Levante doesn't appear for some players in the Tower. Players who can’t find Eva may need to log out and log back in, then try launching into the Annex area instead of the Courtyard.
  • Virescent Emblem Tracking: We're investigating an issue where the Virescent emblem doesn't track the deepest branch reached during a single run of the Verdant Forest.
  • Unlocking the Verdant Forest: You need 50 Reveler's Essence to open the Verdant Forest. Players must use the 50 Reveler's Essence by inspecting the Reveler's Tonic and choosing one of the three Good Moods. Players can acquire more Essence by completing various activities in Destiny 2, including public events, strikes, Crucible, Gambit, Escalation Protocol, and forges.
  • Verdant Light Triumphs and Orbs: For Orbs of Light to count towards the Verdant Light Triumphs, players must get precision kills that generate Orbs while affected by Revelric Light to count toward these Triumphs.
Players can review our Revelry Known Issues section for more known issues and vital information about the Revelry and are encouraged to report other issues to the #Help forum.
Other Known Issues
  • Ascendant Challenge Lore: We’re investigating an issue where Dreaming City lore isn’t dropping for players who complete Ascendant Challenges.
  • One Skip Ahead Triumph: Players who are having issues unlocking this Triumph must complete the entire Tier III Reckoning activity from beginning to end.
  • Sealed Ahamkara Grasps and "Nightmare Fuel" Perk: We’re investigating an issue where this perk doesn’t activate when Hunters use Knife Trick or a Tractor Cannon.
  • Wizened Rebuke and Collections: We’re investigating an issue where this weapon can’t be obtained from Collections.
  • Antaeus Wards and Misadventures: We’re investigating issues where players die due to misadventures when wearing these Exotic boots, as well as where projectiles may no longer be deflecting.
  • Blink Jump: We’re investigating an issue where players may not be able to Blink Jump when invading in Gambit or in other areas around the game.
For more known issues that DPS is tracking, players are encouraged to review our Destiny 2 Known Issues support page. As always, players should report any issues they are experiencing to the #Help forum.

Internet Flicks

Image Linkimgur
It’s time to award some emblems to the creators of our favorite videos of the week. If you want your shot at winning, the best place to post your video is on our Creations page. If you do win, make sure you tag everyone who worked on the video in the description. Here are this week’s winners!
Movie of the Week: Saturn Moon
Video Link
Honorable Mention: So Many Shields
Video Link
I’ve seen a steady stream of Arbalests in my feed as Guardians report on their acquired goods. Let us know what you think of the new Exotic. I plan on diving into the Revelry this weekend to get mine. See you out there.
<3 Cozmo
submitted by DTG_Bot to DestinyTheGame [link] [comments]